Ever feel like your living room has boxing-ring vibes? Same. Hold my coffee.

𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲:
You’re parenting through a big life shift — maybe a move, a career shakeup, a divorce, or just the emotional growing pains of your kid getting older.

You love your child deeply…
But the power struggles? The guilt? The second-guessing?
You’re ready for something different.

➜ You want parenting to feel less like a battle, more like trust.
➜ You want your child to feel confident, not controlled.
➜ You want calm, even when life feels chaotic.
You’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong.

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽:
I work with intentional parents navigating the middle years (ages 6–12) and beyond to reclaim connection, agency, and clarity - for themselves and their kids.

Through group coaching (The Parent Reset), private coaching (1:1 or 2:1), and targeted Breakthrough Calls, I help families:
↳ Reduce daily battles & reactivity so home feels steadier
↳ Set strong, loving boundaries without guilt or confusion
↳ Build emotional fluency so kids feel safe expressing themselves
↳ Recover energy & self-trust especially in hard seasons

𝗢𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸?
✔️ Bedtimes without meltdowns
✔️ Family meetings that actually work and build trust
✔️ Parents who feel like themselves again: calm, clear, connected

𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗠𝗲:
I bring 17+ years in education, 4 degrees in psych & ed, and a decade coaching internationally. I’m trained in Positive Discipline, NLP, inquiry-based education and I’m a firm believer that agency builds resilience.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗦𝗮𝘆:
💬 “Our daughter’s confidence soared... Years later, she’s still using the tools Alyssa taught her.” - R.D., parent
💬 “Her workshops leave every parent with confidence and actionable strategies.” - S.B., school leader
💬 “She helped us move from confusion to connection - fast.” - V.E., parent

𝗟𝗲𝘁’𝘀 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗜𝘁 𝗘𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗲𝗿:
👉 Join my free growing parent community via www.alyssasmithcoaching.com
👉 DM me to learn about The Parent Reset or private coaching
👉 Follow for research-backed insights + encouragement for real-life parenting

The case of the cursing kid.
A client story + breakthrough and 2questions that led to it...

𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝟭: What will he REPLACE this behavior with?
𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝟮: And is that replacement just as FUN? (Or darn close?)

As a former classroom teacher turned parenting coach, this stuff 
doesn’t rattle me.

But as a mom? When it’s my kid?
I’ve absolutely felt the gut-drop moment when another kid says:
“Did you know your daughter said a bad word?”

You freeze.
You scan the crowd.
You want to shout:
“𝘕𝘰, 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳! 𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩? 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥!”

And then?
You might spiral a little.
(No judgment - I’ve been known to go there too.)

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹:
 ❌ She recognized that “shutting it down” wasn’t working. He’d just push harder. 
 ✅ She decided she could replace that word with something even more fun. She got hilarious. 

Now the whole family is in on it. 
So, when emotions run high?
They all shout: FLUFF!
Full force. Full drama. 
High fives and giggles exchanged instead of stress. 

I’ve got the receipts to prove it. 
Sound silly? It’s supposed to be.
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 (𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗻-𝘂𝗽𝘀) 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 "𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽" 𝗮 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁.
𝗪𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘄𝗮𝗽 𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 - 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝗿, 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝘆.

Think about it:
When 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 trying to ditch the excessive coffee, what helps more?
 → Going cold turkey?
 or
 → Swapping in some warm, comforting tea in your favorite mug?

☕️ Same cup. Same ritual. Less jarring shift.

So, gentle reminder...
If you want your child to stop a behavior,
Make sure you’re offering something just as fun, silly, or satisfying in its place.
Save yourself some energy and frustration. 

And bonus points if the whole family gets involved. 
Supportive energy is winning energy. 

Tell me: 
What’s a habit you (or your kid) kicked - or one you WISH you/they could kick? 

= 
Hi. I'm Alyssa. 
I help parents navigate big life changes while raising kids. 💙

Alyssa Smith

𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝗣𝗶𝘃𝗼𝘁?

You’re a woman at a mid-career crossroads. You know you’re ready for something more.

MORE:

• fulfillment
• impact
• alignment.

But right now:

🚫 You’re unsure of your next move, and the idea of "reinventing" yourself feels overwhelming.
🚫 You’re second-guessing yourself, wondering if you really have what it takes to pivot in 2025.
🚫 You’re craving clarity but keep hitting a wall of uncertainty.


𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵:

You already have the skills, experience, and resilience to step into your next-level career. You don’t need another degree, endless job applications, a blind leap of faith to something worse, or months of overthinking to make it happen.

What you do need? A clear vision, an effective strategy, and the confidence to go after what you deserve.


𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻.

As a 𝗛𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵, I help mid-career women pivot with clarity and as they build confidence (without the overwhelm and without blind guesses). 

Through my proven coaching frameworks, we’ll unlock your:

• vision
• uncover hidden job opportunities
• and position you as the top choice for roles that align with who you are now.


𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽:

✅ Career Clarity Accelerator (4 weeks) – Get crystal clear on your next step.
✅ Your Pivot to Purpose (4 months) – A deep-dive, 1:1 coaching program to guide your full transition, from clarity to career success.


𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀, 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘀:

💡 Clients have transitioned into leadership roles, secured dream jobs in new industries, and negotiated higher salaries—all without feeling lost in the process.

💡 Many land new opportunities through the hidden job market, using strategies I teach.

💡 Most importantly, they walk away feeling empowered, aligned, and excited for what’s next.


𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗨𝗽 𝗔𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻?

📩 DM me with your biggest career question

📆 Book a free Curiosity Call (link in Featured section)

Your next chapter starts today. Let’s make it happen. 💓

Agency Over Obedience | Helping Parents in Life Transitions Raise Resilient Kids with Voice & Choice | Battles = Burnout (Let’s Change That) | 2x Certified Parent Coach | Psych | Girl Mom 💙

In 7th grade social studies, we piled up our desks to lock a teacher out.
In 8th, we staged a “fake earthquake” and hid under our desks.
In 9th, we distracted a teacher long enough to toss a skeleton out the window.

Some teachers rolled with our infamous class of ’99. Others? Not so much.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗼𝗻:
 1️⃣ They genuinely cared about us as people, not just our grades.
 2️⃣ They kept their cool when we didn’t. No yelling required - a long pause or raised eyebrow brought us back. 

We were NOT easy. (40ish boys, 10ish girls. IYKYK.)

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 + 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀? 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁.

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.

Every parent loves hard. 
That steadiness piece, though? It can be the kicker. 
(Just ask November.)

But here's the thing: 

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗿.

𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙮. 

(And guess who's learning from you every time you do?)

Because when we combine love with a humble return to steadiness:
 ✔️ our kids feel safe enough to be imperfect,
 ✔️ they stretch their independence,
 ✔️ they flex their quirks and gifts,
 ✔️ and we get to enjoy the ride more, too.

𝗧𝗟;𝗗𝗥: 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 - 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱.


Tell me… what shenanigans did your class get up to in high school? Or what teacher will you never forget? 😉

—
 Hi. I’m Alyssa.
 💙 I help parents trade chaos for calm + perfection for presence.
 ➜ DM me if you want to love your kid louder & enjoy parenting again.

Alyssa Smith, M.Ed.

Ever take the kind of break that tears open your humanity again?
I just took mine. 10 things I learned:

1 → The sky doesn’t fall when you put the laptop down.

2 → “Fun you” isn’t gone. She’s just buried under responsibility sometimes.

3 → Your tween can help carry the Christmas tree to the car. Bittersweet. 

4 → Watching a kid learn something in real time? Like a time-lapse of adult coaching.

5 → Conversations with friends hit different when you’re walking in the sunshine.

6 → Elf on the Shelf is weirdly perfect for starting a family-wide gratitude practice. (Steal it.)

7 → Take that kid ice skating. Marvel when you realize you’re their steady hand, calm breath, and cheerleader all at once.

8 → Our parents, aunts, and uncles are aging quickly. Ask for stories. Hug more.

9 → Make small talk with strangers. Want proof we’re all connected? There it is.

10 → When they trim the bottom of your tree? Ask them to go lower. Trust me.

I’m back now, but lighter. 
(Albeit with an expanded waistline.)
And better for that break.

Did you take a pause this long weekend?
What was the best part? 

=
💙 Hi. I’m Alyssa. If you're a parent, I’ve got your back. 
➜ Parenting is about connection, structure, and the courage to be human.
➜ DM me if you’re ready for less guilt + more ease for you (and your kids).

I’m not sending Christmas cards this year.
And I really don’t care how it looks.
What am I doing instead?

I mean. Since you asked…

Singing lullabies. Tucking in.
Refilling water bottles. On the rocks.
Holding interpretive dance parties in the living room.

Commenting on LinkedIn between sips of coffee #3.
Making 9 plates of food a day. Half prepped to start? I’m in.
Teaching someone how to ride her bike… 1 year behind schedule.

Mending boo-boos. Washing hair. Cutting other people’s toenails.
Waking my neurodivergent kiddo up delicately, lest we start WWIII.
Singing ad-libbed songs about flossing for engagement. (By kids.)

Sending gifs and voice notes to friends I rarely see but deeply love.
Glaring at the stain on the white rug I bought while semi-delusional. 
Letting sibling disagreements roll more - growth happens quicker when I do.

Supporting the goals my kids set…& making peace with my postponed ones. 
Attending that yoga class so my body, spirit, and mind can realign. 
Tutoring my kids in math while making dinner (because high-stakes are fun).

Making Christmas magic via debit cards, semi-tacky décor, and a lot of butter.
Counting loudly over overlapping voices while prepping Girl Scout craft bags.
Setting kind boundaries within group texts from the volunteer squad.

Scheduling time with my coach and my therapist. Because it matters. 
Texting the sitter because I deserve fun adult conversation IRL, too.
Cheering on my clients like it’s my full-time job. (Because, well… it is.)

But that’s just me.
I gotta know…

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂?
𝗛𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁?

Any other rebels out there skipping the stamp and choosing sanity or dance parties? 

-----
PS - If you're buried in holiday logistics and still leading with love… you're not behind. Do not buy that lie.

You’re doing the beautiful, brave work of showing up as yourself. 
And that’s effing good enough.

That’s a gift that keeps on giving.
Because I said so, darnit. 

Keep going. 💙

Parenting hack you can hate me for sharing. 
Don’t respond to their rudeness. Or their eye roll. 
And don’t ignore it either. Do this instead: 

Ask, “𝙃𝙚𝙮, 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙠𝙖𝙮?”

We do it for our colleagues. 
We do it for our partners. 

But for some reason, when it’s our kids? 
We tend to launch into lecture mode (and if you’re like me, you expect them to take notes). 

They’re not little adults, though.  
Their brains are nowhere near fully developed.
𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸-𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰? 𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.

Before age 7ish, kids need your help coming back down from overwhelm.

That’s called co-regulation, and it’s the unsung hero of parenting. 

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 “𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆?” 𝗱𝗼?: 
→ It shows you care 
→ It prioritizes your connection (a requirement for trust)
→ It helps your child reflect on what’s really going on
→ It skips the power struggle detours 

Simple? Yup. 
Easy? Not even close. 
(And that’s why I do this work.)
 
Tell me: 
Do you take the bait when your child flips their lid?
Or do you have other ways to meet their heat?

=
Hi. I'm Alyssa. 💙
 ➜ I help parents in transition lead with connection, structure, and humanity.
 ➜ DM me to love your kids louder & enjoy parenting again.

Grateful for the do overs.
The mistakes.
The root canals.
The “wish I’d dones.”
The rock bottoms.
The second-guessing.
The time alone to reflect.
The way the universe turns down the noise just before it turns it up loud again. 

This is where we meet the parts of us that need to be seen most.

This is where we let our guards down.

This is where real growth begins. 

Where we ask for help instead of giving it.

When we ponder, how might I get through this one?

When we get to feel.

And when we are ready?

We get to choose words, people, and practices to help us stand up again.

If this year, or this moment, is testing you?

Let it.

Because that’s when you find what you’re made of.

And deep down at your core? 

𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁.
𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲

Grateful for this community.
And the way it’s grown this year. 
And the safety I feel to post something like this the day before Thanksgiving. 

May your mashed potatoes be warm
May your elderly be sharp and sassy 
May your kids be loud and snuggly
And may the quiet at the end of the day feed your whole soul.

You’ve got a big life change coming up.
Equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. But the kicker?
It’s not about how you’re going to pull it off…

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗶𝘁, 𝘁𝗼𝗼.
That’s the part no one really talks about.
The part only parents 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵 understand.

Here’s the truth:
You’ll get through this. 
But your kids are going through it too - and there’s no guidebook.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲.

What keeps you up at night isn’t just logistics. It’s:
 🌀 How do you answer their questions when you don’t have answers yet?
 🌀 How do you be their rock when your own ground feels shaky?
 🌀 Who helps you carry the weight in between brave faces and long nights?

And the irony?
While you’re focused on your kids’ well-being…
Everyone else is focused on 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
The questions. The opinions. The pressure.

𝗦𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸.
Skip the social post. Leave the text unanswered.
Fake the smile - for your kids, your friends, yourself.

But love? That pressure to perform fine?
It’s not serving anyone.
And your kids - they can tell.
They always could.

You don’t have to pretend. You never did.
You can name the hard. In fact, you should.

Let them hear it:
“This isn’t your fault. I don’t have all the answers yet. But I’ll get us through this.”

You always do.

If you’re in it right now…
Yes, reach out to a therapist - if that’s accessible.
But also?
Find someone who can hold space for the in-between.
The “What now?” text. The random Tuesday spiral.
The reminder that you’re doing better than you think.

Because your resourcefulness runs deep.
Because your kids don’t need perfect - they need real.
And because watching you rise again… 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯.

If you're facing something big and scary and it feels like too much -
You're not alone.

𝗠𝘆 𝗗𝗠𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻.
Just say hey.
No pitch. No pressure. That’s not my style.

Just someone in your corner, ready to remind you:
You’ve got this. 

And you're more resilient than you can even imagine. 

Hugs, 
A

“𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦.”
When she said it last week, I froze.
She found her missing link after 3 weeks of coaching.

The part she needed most.
And once she named it, she could see:
Structure was the thread running through every technique.

Before coaching, I was an international teacher and team leader.
I worked in tight 42-minute blocks helping students navigate:

 • Goal-setting
 • Group projects
 • Time management
 • Social dynamics

What made it all work?
Structure.
Systems.
Predictable patterns that created space for real learning.

My students always knew:
→ What are the steps?
→ Where might we go wrong?
→ What do we do when we feel stuck?
→ How do we come back to this again and again?

Structure is what helps families shift from chaos to connection.

But at home? It often gets a bad rap.

𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙭? 𝙂𝙤 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬?

The truth? Structure is what keeps us sane.

It’s how we move from 𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙣’𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙠𝙞𝙙 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨? to
𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧.

There is even structure in:
💙 The boundaries you set 
💙 The connection you build (yes, you can intentionally plan for it)
💙 The way you restore your own capacity
💙 The way you check in with each other 

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀, 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗼-𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 - 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝗼𝗻𝗲-𝘀𝗶𝘇𝗲-𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀-𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵.

Not a wish list. 
Not a pile of shoulds.
𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹. 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹. 𝗥𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲.

So that even when things go sideways… you’ve got a way back.

Structure that works - for good.

𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿: 
𝗦𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗱 - 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲.
It’s what helps your home run smoother, and your nervous system breathe easier.

𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲: 
What’s one system or routine you rely on as a family OR one you wish felt more solid at home?

= 
Hi, I’m Alyssa.
 💙 Certified parent coach & educator
 💬 I help parents in transition lead with connection, structure, and imperfection.
 ➡ DM me to love your kid louder and breathe easier at home.

My 10-year-old had a mini meltdown at Thanksgiving.
Scavenger hunt drama.
She lost - and in her high-achieving brain, it stung.

The silent tears came. 
Her words got harsh. 
And I could 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 the side-eyes.

But I didn’t rush her.
I didn’t shush her.
𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀.

Instead, I joined her in a quiet corner.
I said, “𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗵𝘂𝗵?”
She nodded and raised her “duh” eyebrows. 

Mumbled and grumbled. 
Took a big breath. 
Checked my vibe. (I knew the assignment: Present.)

We sat in silence.
And after folks came in, and eventually left? 
She calmed herself down.

Not because I told her to.
But because she had a safe space to 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 first.
And she'd been able to borrow my calm in her chaos.

Later, a well-meaning relative said to me:
“I probably shouldn’t have talked to her after that… 
I could tell she was just manipulating for attention.”

I took a breath.

“𝗔𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆,” I said, “𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗺𝗲𝗱. 
𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙨𝙮𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙢 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙫𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙧𝙮...

She didn’t need to be shut down or iced out.  
She needed to be heard, to borrow my calm, and to have me nearby in case coaching was needed.”

(Heck. Maybe we both learned something that day.)

----
𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲: 
On a scale of 1-10 how pumped are you about upcoming holidays with the extended fam? Heebie jeebie zone or fist pumps? 


=
In case transitions, meltdowns, or extended-family energy are louder than usual right now, I’ve created something for you. 

My Free Guide → 𝘕𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘔𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘦 is for parents who want to stay connected and calm(ish) during life’s messier moments.

It’s short, science-backed, and sanity-saving. Link in comments.

Took my 7-year-old with two left feet to the ice rink.
Left with fresh eyes.
Takeaways about humans that apply to you, too:

My years in the classroom primed me to notice the patterns.
But putting it into words for this post? 
The clear stages floored me. 

Here’s what I watched my kid move through on the ice - 
and 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗱𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗮 𝗯𝗶𝗴 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲:

1> 𝗧𝗵𝗲 “𝘄𝗵𝗼’𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴?” 𝗽𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗲
 → Every early fall ended in tears and a face buried in my sweatshirt.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥: We scanned the crowd together and realized… 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.


2> 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿-𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲
 → “Don’t fall,” she whispered, her eyes on the ice. (Is this you, too?)

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥: Replacing “don’t fall” with what she wanted her body to do. Her body listened. More gliding. Cue the awe.


3> 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝘂𝗴-𝗼𝗳-𝘄𝗮𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀
 → “Why do I keep forgetting that part?!” she grunted.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥: High-fives, silly prompts (“Show me Granny body!”), and celebrating progress and determination. 


4> 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗯𝗯𝗹𝘆-𝗯𝘂𝘁-𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲
 → A few new risks. A few stumbles. Reaching for my hand at times.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥: Modeling trust. Reassurance. Letting her fall. Offering hugs and calm in the stumbled, zero pressure.


5> 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 
 → Less focus on getting it right. Faster rebounds. More laughter. Positive self-talk: “I’m strong!” and "I'm doing this!"

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥: Connection. Play. Being in it together. Nobody taking themselves too seriously. 


6> 𝗙𝗹𝗼𝘄. 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲.
 → “Can we come back next weekend?”

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥: Reflecting on what worked. Celebrating how far she came. 
And, of course, saying yes to more joy.

-------

Watching her on the ice, I kept thinking about the adults I’ve supported these last 2.5 years - through parenting, career shifts, and big life transitions.

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼...
> 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀
> 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸
> 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘄𝗲’𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲’𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝘄

But what if we didn't make those things wrong?

What if we approached parenting (and life) with less pressure 
...and more grace?

What would that feel like? 

Tell me: 
Which of these phases do you recognize in yourself or in your kiddo? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6? 
Or - What did I miss? 

=
💙 Hi, I’m Alyssa.
 ➜ I help parents in transition lead with connection, structure, and humanity.
 ➜ DM me if you’re craving more ease, more laughter, and more joy in parenting again.

I used to think rewards and consequences were just… parenting.
Then I started noticing what they actually taught.

So I’m curious:
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀?
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀?

For context, my master’s thesis was titled 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘔𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘋𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘌𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 
I believed in intrinsic motivation long before I stepped into a classroom.

And then… I became very good at classroom management.
Whole-class rewards. Systems. Compliance dressed up as “motivation.”
𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗱. Behavior stayed in line.

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁.
Alfie Kohn’s work (𝘗𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘙𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴) helped me name what I was already seeing: when kids are focused on earning approval - or avoiding disapproval - learning gets smaller.

In my 10+ years teaching in a Montessori school, that tension became clear.

When adults rely heavily on external incentives (i.e. marble jars, “good job!”, even well-intended praise) kids can start performing 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘴 instead of developing their own internal compass.

In both Montessori and International Baccalaureate schools, 𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆 sits at the heart of learning.
𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗱𝗱-𝗼𝗻𝘀...𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲.
When work is meaningful and choice is built in, motivation doesn’t need to be managed - it grows.

So instead of a vague “Good job!”, we practiced observation and curiosity:
 • “𝘐 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.”
 • “𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘺.”
 • “𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧?”

Same warmth.
More learning.
More autonomy.

As a parent now, I lean toward democratic, collaborative, reflective approaches.
And to be clear: kids do need champions - adults who show genuine delight in who they’re becoming.

The part I continue to grapple with is this:
𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙬𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙙?

𝗧𝗟;𝗗𝗥: Less controlling. More noticing. That’s where real learning lives.

I welcome your thoughts. 

Tell us...

What’s something you remember being rewarded or punished for as a kid - and how did it land for you?

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