Ryan Rouse

MALK Organics

President

Self Employed

Growth Advisor

HighKey 

Chief Executive Officer (acquired)

Board Member

Chief Marketing & Ecommerce Officer

Tasseo Consumer Ecosystem

Operating Partner

Serenity Kids

Head of Growth

Factor_

Co-Founder (Acquired by Hello Fresh)

Chief Marketing Officer

Chief Operating Officer

Merrill Lynch

Vice President of Sales

Growth advisor to consumer businesses with a focus on every line of the P&L | Previously, Co-Founder at Factor Meals (acquired), CEO at Highkey

Growth-minded CPG leader with deep experience across finance, brand building, and operational leadership.

After more than a decade in finance—culminating in an eight-year tenure at Merrill Lynch—I co-founded Factor_, a ready-to-eat meal delivery company that went on to be acquired by HelloFresh for $277M in 2020.

I joined HighKey Snacks as Chief Marketing Officer and later CEO, guiding the low-sugar snack brand through rapid expansion and an acquisition in 2024.

I'm currently the President of MALK Organics, a fast-growing, near nine-figure brand redefining the plant-based milk category with its commitment to clean, organic ingredients and uncompromising quality.

And I write a newsletter about what it really takes to grow—your company, your mindset, your tolerance for chaos:
​
​• The unfiltered truth about building a brand
• Why “strategy” isn’t always strategic
• What to do when everything feels on fire
• Mindset shifts that keep you sane(ish)​
• Founder mistakes, market moves, and lessons I’m still learning​
​
​Part playbook, part perspective shift.
For anyone trying to grow something—and keep their head on straight.

Sign up using the link here (or below my profile pic above): https://ryanrouse.me/

Vice President | Partner

Data driven investors in early stage consumer brands. 

We've normalized something insane.

Two people typing at each other for 35 minutes.

Typing gives us time to be clever. To craft the perfect comeback. To sound right while being wrong.

Talking forces us to be human.

No edit button. No screenshots for later. No audience watching you perform.

Just two people working it out in real time.

The friction you feel before picking up the phone and calling?

That's your ego protecting itself.

It knows the keyboard is safer.

But relationships aren't built in safety.

They're built in the messy, unedited moments when you actually hear someone's voice.

Next time you're about to send that long message?

Pick up the phone instead.

You'll be shocked how fast "enemies" become teammates when you remove the screen between you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Never Been on a Forbes List | President at MALK Organics | Daddy at Rouse House | Previously: Co-Founder & CMO at Factor_, CEO at Highkey

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The startup world worships charisma.

Big personalities. Bold promises. Slick pitches.

But I've watched too many charismatic founders flame out.

And too many quiet operators build empires.

Here's what I learned:

Charisma opens doors. Character keeps them open.

Charisma raises the round. Character delivers the returns.

The market rewards charisma in the short term. But it pays character in the long run.

Use your charisma to sell the vision.
Use your character to build the business.

I'm curious: Think about the best leader you've ever worked with.

Were they the most charismatic person in the room, or did they have something deeper that made you follow them?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The more polished your corporate language, the less your employees believe a word you say.

Early in my startup career, I'd craft these perfect all-hands emails. 

"We're excited to announce strategic realignment initiatives that will optimize our organizational effectiveness."

Translation: We're laying people off.

My team saw right through it.

And it created distrust and disengagement.

So I changed my approach.

Instead of "pursuing growth opportunities," I started saying "we're trying something new and honestly, we're not sure if it'll work."

Instead of "navigating headwinds," I said "this quarter sucked and here's why."

It was uncomfortable at first.

But the team started asking real questions instead of nodding politely.

And they started to trust me more when things got hard because they knew I wouldn't sugarcoat it.

I remember the first time I told my team "I don't have a good answer for that yet" in a meeting. 

Someone was brave enough to say "thank you for not making something up."

People don't want perfect messaging from their leaders.

They want honest communication about what's really happening and how it affects them.

Even if you don't know. 

Your team can handle the truth. 

What they can't handle is being treated like they're too naive to see through corporate BS. 

Every euphemism you use is a withdrawal from the trust bank.

And that account doesn't have overdraft protection.

There's no finish line where suddenly you feel like you made it.

No magic number that makes the doubt disappear.

No age where you finally stop comparing yourself to the 28-year-old who just raised $50M.

We're all out here pretending we're on schedule while secretly terrified we're falling behind.

The woman who sold at 32 thinks he peaked too early.

The guy grinding at 50 thinks she started too late.

The kid raising millions thinks he's a fraud.

None of us know what we're doing.

We're just making different mistakes at different speeds.

Your career isn't late.

It's not early either.

It's just yours.

And the only way to lose is to stop showing up because you think you missed some imaginary deadline.

Keep building.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Every morning at 5:30 AM, my alarm goes off.

And I have a choice.

Hit snooze and skip my workout, or get up and move.

That's the first battle of the day.

Success isn't some climactic moment where everything falls into place.

It's winning thousands of these small fights. Day after day.

The decision to kill a product you spent 18 months developing because it clearly doesn't work. 

The discipline to skip the third glass of wine at dinner so you can think more clearly in tomorrow's meeting.

The courage to fire someone who's good but not great.

There is no one final battle.

No last job.

No riding off into the sunset.

These micro battles never stop.

And the moment you accept that?

The pressure to "arrive" disappears.

You stop waiting for some future version of success.

You start finding it in the discipline of showing up when it's hard.

In choosing the right move over the easy one.

In winning today's battles so you're ready for tomorrow's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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What if choosing not to be offended was the most powerful decision you could make today?

Most leaders don't realize they're handing control of their day to people who don't matter.

I've spent 15+ years in executive roles. Built teams. Navigated acquisitions. Raised 3 kids.

Many years ago, someone's criticism would completely derail me.

I'd stew on it for hours.  

But that person? Living their life. Completely unbothered.

The only person suffering was me.

It made me recognize that offense is a choice.

Not a reflex. A choice.

Now when someone tries to push my buttons, I pause and choose whether or not to engage. And how to engage if I choose to. 

I'm protecting what matters: me.

Your reaction gives other people control over your day.

Your non-reaction or calm reaction gives you back your power.

So here's my question:

Who are you letting live in your head that doesn't deserve to be there?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Being late to every meeting isn't a personality quirk. 

It's a character flaw. 

And it's costing you more than you think. 

It's like your friend who couldn't handle their alcohol and had to be baby sat every night. At first everyone's like "Oh, that's just Jeff/Julie."'

But you know what happened over time? Less and less people hung out with Jeff and Julie. 

Same goes here. 

Every time you're late to a meeting, you're showing showing people you can't be trusted with the small things.

Trust with the small things leads to trust with the big ones.

The opportunities that require trust:
- Leading a team
- Managing a budget
- Representing the company
- Taking on a big project

None of those happen if people don't trust you with the basics.

And being on time is the most basic thing there is.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The higher you climb, the lonelier it gets.

I learned this from 25 years of chasing the top.

It's odd though. The higher you get, the less people you can talk to about it. 

Can't vent to your team about the pressure.

Can't ask your boss the "dumb" questions ('cause you don't have one).

And you definitely can't admit when you're figuring it out as you go.

So I started writing.

Not corporate memos. Not LinkedIn humble brags.

Real talk about what it's actually like to lead.

The messy product launches.

The budget fights that keep you up at night.

The people decisions that haunt you.

The wins that nobody sees coming.

Look, I know how this sounds.

Another exec with a newsletter.

But if you're tired of feeling like you're the only one struggling with this stuff, I write about it every week in my newsletter.

No BS. Just truth.

Link in the comments if you're interested.

I've watched good companies crumble from the inside out.

Not because of market conditions or bad products.

Because they let weak leadership linger.

Your team sees it before you do.

And every day you wait, they lose a little more belief.

Not just in that one leader.

In you. In the vision. In whether any of it matters.

The damage compounds faster than you think.

And by the time it's obvious to you, half your best people are already mentally checked out.

So when you know someone isn't cutting it, act.

Yes, transitions are messy.

Yes, there will be short-term pain.

But nothing restores faith in a team faster than watching leadership actually lead.

I've never been the smartest person in the room.

But I have been the most dangerous.

Not because I know more.

Because I know less.

My first few months at MALK, I was like a broken record.

"What's the reason for that?"
"Who decided this?"
"What happens if we skip it?"

I've done the same thing at business I get involved with. 

Turns out, most companies run on autopilot.

Someone built a process years ago because they needed something fast.
It stuck.

Not because it was good.

Because it was there.

Your processes aren't best practices.

They're fossils.

Fresh eyes see the waste you've gone blind to.
Here's what works:

Hire people with fresh eyes. 

Give them permission to be annoying.

Let them question everything.

Document every "why?"

Most answers will be "I don't know" or "that's just how it's done."

That's your gold mine.

Each "I don't know" is money left on the table.

Each "that's how we've always done it" is a process begging to be killed.

What process exists at your company only because "that's how it's always been done"?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The cost of handing out fancy titles too soon is real. 

Early on at Factor_, we couldn't afford top talent.

So we did what a lot of founders do.

We gave people VP and Director titles to make up for the salary gap.

Seemed smart at the time.

They got the prestige. We saved cash.

But a title doesn't teach someone how to do the job.

It doesn't give them the reps. The pattern recognition. The instincts that come from years on the job.

And when you realize someone isn't ready for the role they're in, you've got a real problem.

Because now you can't just adjust their responsibilities.

You have to demote them or move them out.

Which is brutal for everyone involved.

The title that was supposed to solve a problem becomes the problem.

Looking back now, I wish I'd been straight with people about where they actually were.

Not where I needed them to be.

Give them a role they can handle today. 

Let them earn the next one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Everyone's building a personal brand. But personal credibility should be the goal. 

I see it every day.

People obsessing over their LinkedIn banner design while their actual work speaks nothing.

Crafting the perfect thought leader bio while delivering mediocre results.

Posting motivational quotes they don't live by.

Here's what they don't get:

Personal brand is what you tell people you are.
Personal credibility is what you prove you are.

One is manufactured. The other is earned.

You can buy a personal brand. Hire a ghostwriter. Use AI to pump out content. Get those vanity metrics up.

But credibility?

That comes from one place: Doing.

Delivering on promises when nobody's watching.
Admitting when you're wrong instead of doubling down.
Sharing real failures, not just humble brags disguised as lessons.

The most credible people I know barely think about their "brand."

They're too busy actually building things. Solving problems. Creating value.

Their reputation spreads through whisper networks, not viral posts.

Want to stand out in 2025?

Stop polishing your image.
Start delivering results.

Because at the end of the day, your personal brand is just marketing.

Your personal credibility is your actual product.

And people can smell the difference from a mile away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Being a 6/10 across many functions will serve you more than being a 10/10 in one.

But you typically have to get to a 9/10 in one area to earn the opportunity to oversee the others. 

The hard part for most people is being comfortable going from a 9/10 in something down to a 6/10 in order to create time to go from a 2/10 to a 6/10 in the others.

They can’t let go of being best in class at the one thing. 

Which limits their ability to to lead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Congrats to all who made the Forbes list. 

I did not. Therefore, my headline remains in tact.

You survived the launch. You got early traction.

So why does year three feel harder than year one?

Because in year one, you'd work 24/7 and love it.

The adrenaline was real. Every win felt like validation.

You didn't need sleep. You didn't need breaks.

You had rocket fuel in your veins.

But years 2-5...

The adrenaline runs out.

And when it does, the grinding reality sets in.

34.4% of founders experience burnout.

Not in year one when you're supposed to be struggling.

In years 2-5, when you're supposed to have it figured out.

Year one, you're running on pure excitement and fear.

That combination keeps you moving even when you're exhausted.

But years 2-5? That's when the wheels come off.

The excitement fades. The fear becomes background noise.

What's left is just the grind.

No finish line in sight.

Revenue looks healthy. Team is growing.

But you're running on empty.

And you don't realize it's happening.

You think you're just tired. You think it's a rough month.

You tell yourself you'll take a break soon.

But soon never comes.

Because now you've got:

• A team depending on you
• Investors expecting growth
• Customers needing support
• A reputation to protect

You can't just stop anymore.

The thing about founder burnout is it doesn't announce itself.

It shows up in small ways first.

You start dreading Monday mornings.

Emails sit unread for days.

Decision-making gets harder.

Your patience with your team gets thinner.

Then one day you wake up and realize: You don't remember the last time you felt excited about this.

The data backs this up.

Founders in their middle years report higher rates of anxiety and depression than in year one.

Not because things are going worse.

Because things are going exactly as expected.

And that's somehow harder to handle than the chaos.

If you're in those middle years right now, here's what I'd tell you:

The 24/7 hustle isn't sustainable.

It never was.

Year one, you could get away with it because the adrenaline covered the cost.

But you can't run a marathon on sprint energy.

And building a lasting company is a marathon.

Take the break. Build the boundaries. Protect your mental health.

Not because it's nice to have.

Because your business won't survive if you don't.

I spend my days analyzing consumer behavior, market trends, etc.

But my wife always points out something I completely missed.

Last month, we were arguing about why the kids kept leaving their water bottles everywhere.

I said it was a discipline problem.

She said it was a design problem.

The bottles were too heavy when full. Too awkward to carry. The lids leaked in their backpacks.

So they just... stopped using them.

I had been so focused on the behavior, I missed the product failure.

We do this in our industry. 

Blame "disloyal" customers instead of asking if our packaging is annoying to open or if our product fits in their pantry.

My wife doesn't work in CPG.

She doesn't know (or care) what a P&L is.

But she sees a ton of things I don't.

The tiny annoyances. The small frustrations. The gap between what we promise and what actually works in real life.

Here’s hoping you all have a "Lindsay" involved in the product development process.

I used to think talking about anything besides work was a waste of time.

As a founder, my life was the business.

Every minute counted.

So when team members wanted to chat about their weekend, their kids, their hobbies?

I'd nod politely and steer us back to the agenda.

I thought I was being efficient.

I was actually building walls.

Because my team had lives outside work.

Just because I had no other interests didn't mean they didn't.

The shift happened when I started asking questions. Actually listening to the answers.

Turns out, people open up when you take genuine interest in them.

The trust runs deeper. The feedback gets more honest. The work gets better.
And they stop leaving.

Relationships aren't built in conference rooms.

They're built in the margins.

The random detours in meetings that are completely off topic.

The walk to the parking lot.

The random Slack message about their kid's soccer game.

That's where teams become more than just people who work together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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You can't be great at everything.

And that's actually the point.

The bell curve is undefeated. Small percentage who are elite. Small percentage who are terrible. Large percentage in the middle.

It applies to everything - career, relationships, fitness, hobbies.

Where it gets interesting is when you stack bell curves on top of one another.

Elite in one area almost always means average or terrible in others.

The math doesn't lie.

Which means you have to pick.

Which areas of life you want to be on the upper end of the curve?

And how far down that curve do you want to go?

All those choices have trade offs. 

Personally, I want to be in the 90th percentile in family, career, and health. 

That's above average, but not elite. 

Being in the 90th percentile in all of them means I can't be in the 98th percentile in any. 

It also means I can't even be in the 60th percentile in other things that aren't on my list. 

Some people choose differently. They go all-in on one thing. Become truly elite.

They accept being below average everywhere else.

Neither approach is wrong.

What's wrong is pretending you can be elite at everything.

The trade-off is real whether you acknowledge it or not.

So pick your bell curves.

And stop lying to yourself about the ones you didn't pick.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The DTC era taught founders a dangerous lesson.

You could skip the hard work of understanding your category.

Build a brand, tell a story, sell direct.

No need to obsess over shelf placement, competitive sets, or how retailers think about your space.

But shoppers still compare you to everything else in the category.

They always have.

Whether your product sits next to competitors on a shelf or shows up alone on your website doesn't matter.

A lot of digitally native brands tried to move into retail and got crushed. 

Because they never did the foundational work.

They didn't know their category cold.

Didn't understand how it's priced, how it's merchandised, how it's managed, how decisions get made.

That knowledge used to be non-negotiable.

Before DTC, founders had no choice but to become category experts first.

It was the only path to market.

Now it's optional.

And that optionality is killing brands.

You can't win in CPG without being obsessed with your category.

Not just your product.

The entire space you're competing in.

That's table stakes.

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We teach and train professionals around the globe science-based communication, leadership, and persuasion skills. You'll be able to leverage the expertise and experience of world-class coaches when it comes to sales, persuasion, and social engagement. Need to align your team and drive a unified front toward your vision? We've helped Fortune 500 CEOs with this. Need to amp up your sales game? Our team has developed proprietary sales frameworks to support just that. 

Whether you listen to our globally-recognized podcast, join our Network+ program, or come on-site for our Hollywood Bootcamp, you're joined by millions of men and women trying to accomplish the same things: increase leadership and persuasion skills, reduce social awkwardness, and optimize your ability to communicate.

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On-Air Talent (Talkshow Host)

Build your social capital and influence ◼ Over 10,000 clients served in 17 years ◼ Co-Host and Founder, Art of Charm

🔥 Command Presence. Real Influence. No Fluff.

Already invested in coaching or leadership programs… but still feel like something’s missing?

You’ve got the credentials. The hard skills. Maybe even the title.

But if your career growth is slowing because your communication hasn’t caught up — you’re not alone.

Most professionals hit a ceiling when soft skills become the differentiator.

And that’s where I step in.

❌ The truth about most coaching:

Leadership courses? Too generic.

Corporate training? Too political.

Communication books and TED Talks? Great in theory, useless in high-stakes rooms.

You need targeted, practical coaching built around your professional world — not some academic framework.

✅ What You’ll Get Working With Me

10 hours. One-on-one. Personalized. Intensely practical.

We’ll work together to:

Decode high-stakes conversations and make your communication hit harder.

Amplify your influence in rooms filled with executives, engineers, investors, or stakeholders.

Build your “X-Factor” — a powerful personal presence that earns trust fast.

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You’ll never watch a video or sit through fluff. This is tactical training designed for results.

💥 Plus: Join the X-Factor Accelerator

An exclusive, implementation-based group for high performers. Inside:

Get real-time feedback from other driven professionals.

Practice frameworks in live drills.

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👊 My Credibility
19+ years in influence, leadership, and communication development.

10,000+ clients across tech, finance, military, and consulting.

Coached U.S. Military Special Forces & Intelligence Units.

Host of a podcast with 450M+ downloads featuring world-class scientists and performance experts.

For the Analytic Mind Turned Leader.
For the Founder Now Fundraising.
For the Operator Who Needs Buy-In Fast.

If you’ve already tried “the other stuff” and still aren’t getting the results — let’s fix it.

DM me.

Let's turn communication into your competitive advantage.

AJ Harbinger

I became a father this year.

Everything changed.

Not in some profound movie moment way.

In the quiet, terrifying, beautiful way things change when you hold a life you made and realize you get one shot at this.

I recentered everything around family.

The clients who drain me? Gone.

The projects that sound good but feel wrong? No.

The opportunities that would impress people but steal time from my daughter? Not worth it.

I spent years saying yes because I thought I had to.

Building a business. Building a brand. Building what I thought success looked like.

Then I held her for the first time and understood what I was building toward.

We dialed in our core values as a family.

Not some corporate exercise with sticky notes.

Real conversations about what matters when she asks us in ten years why we made the choices we made.

Those values gave me permission to say no.

To clients. To colleagues. To people I respect.

Saying no used to feel like failure.

Now it feels like protection.

I am not the father I want to be yet.

Not even close.

I lose my patience. I check my phone when I should be present. I think about work when I should be thinking about her.

But I know the gap now.

I see the father I want to become.

The one who shows up. Who listens. Who chooses her over everything else that screams for attention.

That clarity is the gift.

Not perfection. Direction.

This year taught me that success is not what you build for other people to see.

Success is what you protect when no one is watching.

The time. The attention. The presence.

I am grateful for my daughter.

For my wife who chose me for this.

For the clarity that comes from knowing what you would give up everything else to keep.

That is what I am thankful for this year.

You're the person everyone goes to when they need something done right.

Competent. Reliable. Always available.

And you just got passed over for the promotion again.

"I need to be more visible. Speak up more in meetings."

So you volunteer for more projects. You make yourself even MORE available.

It doesn't work.

Here's what's happening.

You fell into The Availability Trap.

You're so good at your job that you've trained everyone to see you as the person who executes, not the person who leads.

When you're always available, you signal something you don't intend to signal:

Low demand.

One client came to me after being passed over twice for a director role. 

Top performer. Always available. Always solving problems.

We changed one behavior.

Next time someone asked for his time on something non-urgent:

"I'm locked in on the Q3 analysis until Thursday. Can we connect Friday morning?"

Three things happened:

He signaled he's working on something important enough to protect.

He made his attention scarce.

He created a future touchpoint on his terms.

Within six months, he was invited into strategy conversations he'd never been part of before. Within nine months, he got the promotion.

Nothing changed about his technical skills. Everything changed about how people valued his time.

Here's the principle:

Behavioral economics shows people assign higher value to scarce resources.

When you're always available, you signal low demand.

When you're strategically unavailable, people start wondering: 

"What is he working on that's more important than this?"

That question creates status.

The formula:

Protect your calendar. 

Make your time scarce. 

They value your attention. 

Perceived authority without saying a word.

High-value people don't chase opportunities. They create demand for their time.

This week, practice strategic withdrawal once.

When someone asks for something non-urgent, protect your focus and offer a specific alternative time.

Watch how the dynamic shifts.

Be honest—how many great ideas have you talked yourself out of this week?

Top performers aren’t successful because they have better ideas.

They’re successful because they act on the ideas they already have.

The longer you think about acting, the harder it becomes to act.

Here’s how to break that cycle:

1. 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
When an idea shows up, move on it right away—send the message, write the outline, start the draft. Action builds momentum before doubt shows up.

2. 𝐒𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬
You can’t hit a target you haven’t defined. Clarity creates direction, and direction gives you something to run toward.

3. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬
Big goals feel overwhelming. Small steps feel doable. One micro-action at a time creates consistency.

4. 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞
 Leaders aren’t built by motivation. They’re built by rhythm. Give action a place in your daily routine.

5. 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
If it steals your focus, it steals your progress. Remove the noise so your mind can stay on what matters.

6. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬
Urgency turns intention into action. A simple deadline can do more than hours of planning.

7. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞
Share your goals with someone who will actually check in. Accountability turns “I’ll try” into “I will.”

8. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞
Failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the process of success. Each misstep sharpens your approach.

9. 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬
Progress compounds when you acknowledge it. Small wins keep the momentum alive.

Act now.

Success isn’t waiting for a perfect plan—just your first step.

Most people talk more when they want attention.

This is wrong.

I coached a founder who couldn't get investor meetings. She sent emails explaining her entire business: the problem, the solution, the revenue model, the traction.

People read them. They didn't respond.

We changed one thing.

Her new email said: "We solved the problem that killed your last portfolio company."

Then nothing else. No explanation. No deck attached.

Her inbox filled with replies within 48 hours.

The difference?

She understood the Curiosity Gap.

When you present complete information, you close the loop.

The brain has no reason to stay engaged.

When you create a gap between what people know and what they want to know, their brain chases the answer.

I tested this approach with three clients last quarter. All of them struggled to start conversations with senior executives.

We stopped explaining. We started creating tension.

One client changed from "We help companies reduce cloud costs by 40%" to "Your finance team is missing something before Q4."

Response rates went from 2% to 18% in 30 days.

Here's what the best communicators do differently:

They open loops instead of closing them:

"I learned something in Madrid that changed how I approach negotiations."

"There's a pattern I noticed in every failing team."

They let silence do the work:

After the statement, they pause.

They let the gap create tension.

They wait for the other person to lean in.

They reveal strategically:

The answer comes later. The conversation earns it.

Most people fill every gap with words. Their anxiety drives over-explanation.

People with presence use gaps like a tool.

They know tension creates attention.

They know curiosity creates pursuit.

They know withholding creates value.

Stop trying to explain everything in the first 30 seconds.

Start trying to create one question in their mind.

Your conversations will change.

You're networking wrong.

Most people work the room all night. Shake every hand. Stay until the lights come on.

Then nobody remembers them.

High-value operators do this instead:

Show up.

Have 3 quality conversations.

Leave early.

You were there. 

But you didn't stay until the end collecting cards.

Next event, people notice when you arrive. 

They remember you left last time.

You created scarcity around your presence.

Your time became something to compete for.

Here's why this works:

When you're at every event until midnight, you become furniture. People stop tracking your movements. Your presence loses meaning.

Strategic absence makes people ask: Where did he go? What's he working on?

The formula:

Quality conversations over quantity contacts.

Early exit over marathon attendance.

Scarcity over availability.

Your presence becomes an event.

I've watched this pattern repeat. 

The executives who attend fewer events get more opportunities.

The founders who leave early get more follow-ups.

Availability kills intrigue.

Scarcity builds value.

Stop maximizing face time.

Start maximizing impact per appearance.

I never took a leadership course.

Here's how I built a 17-Year coaching career instead.

After coaching leaders at Google, Microsoft, and Meta, I discovered something counterintuitive:

The best leaders aren't trained. They're forged through failure.

When I started Art of Charm, I had zero formal leadership education.

No MBA.

No executive training.

Just a willingness to fail spectacularly in front of paying clients.

My first corporate workshop?

A disaster.

I tried to sound like every leadership guru I'd read.

Used buzzwords I didn't believe.

Delivered frameworks I'd never tested.

The feedback was brutal: "You sound like you're reading from a textbook."

That failure taught me what no course could:

Leadership isn't about knowing the right answers.

It's about asking the right questions.

So I changed everything.

Instead of teaching theory, I started sharing failures.

Instead of perfect frameworks, I offered messy experiments.

Instead of polished presentations, I had raw conversations.

The results shocked everyone, including me.

Here's what building a coaching career without formal training taught me:

• Real expertise comes from pattern recognition across thousands of interactions, not from case studies

• Vulnerability creates more influence than authority ever could

• The leaders who transform organizations are the ones who admit they're still figuring it out

• Your biggest failures become your most valuable teaching moments

Credentials impress HR. Results impress executives.

Today, after 17 years and over 11,000 clients served, I still don't have a leadership certification.

What I do have: A methodology built from real failures, real recoveries, and real transformations.

The executives who hire me don't care about my missing MBA.

They care that I've helped thousands of leaders navigate the exact challenges they're facing.

Your formal education gets you in the room.

Your battle scars keep you there.

Stop chasing credentials. Start collecting experiences.

The market rewards practitioners, not theorists.

Great advice is worthless if no one listens.

This one shift makes people actually care.

Someone mentions a problem.

You jump in with the solution.

Smart answer. Valuable insight.

And they completely ignore it.

My analytical clients do this most. They hear a problem and immediately offer the fix.

But here's what they miss:

People don't value advice they didn't work for.

I learned this watching how interrogators extract information. 

They never give answers first. They make you earn clarity through articulation.

Here's the psychology:

When someone works before receiving value, you trigger effort justification. Their brain decides: "I invested in this answer, so it must be worth hearing."

You just made your advice 10x more valuable without changing a word.

Over the last 17 years, I've taught this to executives who wondered why their teams ignored their guidance.

The problem wasn't the advice. It was the sequence.

Most people give solutions before establishing cost. Your brain devalues anything that comes free.

Understanding that changes how you mentor, coach, and lead.

The pattern I use:

Before offering advice, extract their constraint. Make them articulate what's not working. Let them reveal their gap.

Then deliver.

When you make someone work to frame their problem, three things happen:

They clarify their actual issue (not the surface symptom). They invest attention into the conversation. They value whatever comes next.

This applies everywhere. Client meetings. Team discussions. Networking conversations.

The advice that gets ignored? The advice that came too easy.

The advice that transforms people? The advice they had to work to receive.

Stop giving away your best insights for free.

Make people pay the attention tax first.

Ever feel guilty for your own success? 

That’s not an accident.

Someone took a shot at you recently.

A coworker saying "must be nice" when you mentioned your vacation.

A friend going "wow, you've changed" when you talked about something you're excited about.

And before you realized what happened, you were explaining yourself.

Justifying. Defending.

I used to do this constantly. Someone would throw a dig my way and I'd go into "let me prove I'm not the bad guy" mode.

It took me years to figure out what was happening.

They weren't attacking me. They were trying to pull me into their frame.

When someone goes low. When they get passive-aggressive or dismissive or condescending. They're setting a trap.

If you defend yourself, you're playing on their court. They're steering the interaction. And somehow you feel like the one who did something wrong.

The most influential people I've studied do something different.

Instead of defending or attacking back, they name what's happening.

"Sounds like my schedule is frustrating for you."
"Seems like this project landing bothered you."
"Feels like you're worried I'm pulling away."

Then they ask what the other person needs.

This short-circuits the emotional trap. You're not defending. You're leading.

After coaching over 10,000 clients on communication, I've watched this pattern play out hundreds of times.

Most people spend their lives bouncing between justifying and attacking back.

Both are low-value responses.

The third path is defining the moment instead of reacting to it.

Stop letting other people set the terms of your conversations.

You light up when someone compliments your work.

That reaction costs you status.

Watch what happens: 

Someone says "Great presentation." 

You smile. 

"Thank you so much! I spent hours on the data analysis and refining the visuals..."

You told them you needed their approval.

I've noticed the opposite pattern in people with influence.

They do something I call validation immunity.

Same scenario. "Great presentation."

Response: "I appreciate that."

Neutral expression. 

No expansion.

Then they shift: "What questions do you have about the timeline?"

They moved forward because their internal assessment didn't change based on someone else's opinion.

Here's what's happening underneath:

When you expand on compliments, you signal their opinion determines your value.

When you receive neutrally and redirect, you signal you already know what you did. 

Their agreement is noted. Not needed.

The formula is simple.

Compliment received. 

"I appreciate that." Shift topic.

People with influence don't need your validation.

They validated themselves before you showed up.

Picture yourself as a gardener.

Because the truth is, most business success comes down to simple, consistent care.

Building relationships, like gardening, is all about
nurturing the right connections.

Care, patience, and a little bit of effort
will lead to the most fruitful partnerships.

So, let's start planting the seeds of trust today...

→ Don’t rush the growth.
Listen to your client's needs.
Understand their goals. Guide without pushing.

→ Don’t blame the relationship for not advancing quickly.
Acknowledge effort, not just results.
Foster trust & support. Celebrate small wins.

→ Don’t abandon relationships before they have a chance to grow.
Connections need time to deepen.
Be patient with progress. Allow time to develop.

→ Choose the right connections for the right opportunities.
Focus where it can thrive.
Align interests with goals. Share your social capital.

→ Nourish and cultivate.
Support their development.
Offer value and resources. Appreciate generously.

→ Remove obstacles.
Cultivate a positive environment.
Address issues. Take responsibility.

→ Remember, there will be ups and downs.
You can’t control everything; only be prepared.
Anticipate changes. Prepare for challenges.

As complex as building relationships may seem, it's really about a handful of simple practices.

Nurture your connections.
Invest in their growth.

And the results will speak for themselves.

Your biggest career wins can become your biggest life losses.

I've coached successful professionals for 17 years.

The pattern repeats.

Someone reaches Director level. VP. C-suite.

Launches the dream business.

Then realizes—no one to celebrate with.

Three months without investing in relationships. Six without new faces. Years without friends that mattered.

The circle closes. The world shrinks.

One client made Partner at 34. His wife left at 35. Not because of affairs. Not because of conflict.

But from choosing isolation for success.

Another built a $5M+ company by 40. Ate alone at the celebration dinner.
College friends stopped calling. Family kept distance. His network lived on LinkedIn.

He said, “I spent 15 years climbing. Nobody was there at the top.”

This isn’t rare. It’s the default for high performers.

You were rewarded for independence. Promoted for grinding harder.

The system taught you: success requires isolation.

And you got good at it. Isolation became comfort.

You normalize skipping friends.

You rationalize skipping the third place because work matters more.

One weekend becomes one month becomes three years without real talk.

The health research is brutal.

Loneliness has the same impact as smoking 20 cigarettes per day. More damaging than obesity or high blood pressure.

But you don't get to 20 cigarettes overnight. You start with one.

Then two.

Loneliness works the same way. One missed dinner. One skipped event. One "too busy" text.

The choices compound. The isolation becomes habit.

Then something breaks. A divorce. A job change. A friend gets married and chooses their family over your relationship.

That's when you notice. The social ties disappeared. The support system vanished.

The connection you postponed for "someday" never materialized.

I see this with my clients who relocated for promotions or launched startups. 

They prioritized external validation over internal fulfillment.

They built everything. They kept nothing.

The former Surgeon General called it an epidemic. Rising drug use. Mental health crises. Physical deterioration.

All traced back to the same root: we chose accomplishment over connection.

We collapsed our lives into one place. We focused on external outcomes to the detriment of our wellbeing.

Two questions will tell you if you're on this path:

When did you last invest time in building a friendship?

When did you last meet someone new outside work?

If your answer involves months or years, you're already isolated. You just haven't felt the consequences yet.

Your next promotion won't fix this. Your next revenue milestone won't solve it. Your next achievement will only make it worse.

Because the more you succeed using isolation as your strategy, the deeper you dig the hole.

Stop waiting for a major life event to force the change.

The price of external success should never be internal emptiness.

The body language cue that reveals more than words ever will.

Most people think reading body language means watching for crossed arms or eye contact.

Wrong.

FBI counterintelligence expert Joe Navarro taught me the one signal that trumps everything else.

It's called the freeze response.

Here's what it looks like:

You're delivering feedback. Negotiating. Sharing news that matters.

The person across from you suddenly goes still.

Their hands stop moving mid-gesture.

Breathing pauses.

They lock up for 2-3 seconds.

That's their limbic system taking over. You just hit something real.

Most people miss this completely because they're focused on what to say next. They keep talking, filling space, moving past the moment.

Wrong move.

The freeze is your oldest threat response. Older than fight or flight. When someone freezes, their primitive brain just overrode their conscious control.

Whatever you said landed deep.

FBI research confirms the freeze appears before any other defensive behavior. Catch it early and you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface.

Here's the play:

Deliver your point.

Spot the freeze.

Stay silent.

Let them sit in it.

They'll fill the space and reveal what actually matters.

Most professionals are terrified of silence. They rush to smooth things over, clarify, soften the blow.

That's exactly when you need to shut up and wait.

The truth emerges in those 5-10 seconds of discomfort. Not through interrogation. Through strategic silence.

You don't need to be an FBI agent to spot the freeze.

You just need to stop talking long enough to see it.

Your career isn’t being held back by a lack of talent—it’s being held back by shallow connections.

And before you blame your network, ask yourself this: are you actually building one, or just stockpiling names?

Many professionals focus on network breadth (how many people they know) while completely neglecting network depth (the quality of those relationships).

But here's the real truth:

A sprawling network of surface-level connections rarely delivers meaningful opportunity.

What determines your network's power isn't its size but its interconnectedness and the mutual investment in each relationship.

I call this "relationship density" - and it's the hidden factor behind truly valuable networks.

High density networks feature:

• Trust-based relationships (not just transactional exchanges)
• Ongoing value creation (not just value extraction)
• Proactive connection (not just reactive outreach when you need something)
• Genuine knowledge of others' needs and goals
• Strategic relationship nurturing

Low density networks feature:

• Superficial connections with little trust
• Sporadic engagement only when beneficial to you
• Little understanding of others' true priorities
• No systematic approach to relationship maintenance

After studying thousands of professional relationships, the pattern is clear:

Those with smaller but denser networks consistently outperform those with larger but looser connections.

Quality defeats quantity every time.

The irony? Building relationship density takes less time than endlessly expanding a low-quality network.

It's not about doing more - it's about focusing your relational energy more strategically.

What's one relationship in your network that deserves more intentional investment this week?

You’re one question away from being unforgettable.

Most conversations die because nobody shifts the depth.

You meet someone. Exchange pleasantries. Talk about work. Then nothing.

Here's what changes everything:

Listen for care signals.

When someone mentions what they're trying to do, don't respond with surface questions.

Ask about motivation instead.

They say: "I've been mentoring junior engineers."

Most people: "Oh, how's that going?"

You: "What made you want to do that?"

Watch them pause.

Then they tell you something real.

"Nobody did that for me. I don't want them to figure it out the hard way."

You just went from small talk to substance.

This is identity-level disclosure. You're asking WHO they are, not WHAT they do.

People remember the person who sees them.

The formula: Care signal → Motivation question → Let them go deep.

Try it this week.

You'll be the conversation they remember.

Most networking conversations die the moment they end.

You exchange cards. Promise to “stay in touch.”

Then nothing.

After coaching over 10,000 clients, I’ve learned the real problem:

You never created anything worth following up on.

Here’s what I mean:

When someone says “I’m building AI capabilities, but finding engineers who understand business is impossible” — most people respond with sympathy.

“That’s tough.”

“Yeah, hiring is brutal.”

Wrong move.

What just happened? They revealed their goal AND their constraint in one sentence.

Goal: AI capabilities.

Constraint: talent gap.

Now instead of offering to “pick your brain sometime,” do this:

“I know someone who just left a similar role. Want me to make an introduction?”

Three things just happened:

→ You proved you were listening

→ You demonstrated relevant relationships

→ You created a concrete reason to follow up

This is genuine reciprocity. Not manipulation. Just specific help that matters.

Harvard Negotiation Project research confirms it: micro-help builds trust faster than grand promises.

When you prove value within 48 hours, the relationship shifts.

They text you back.

They think of you when opportunities surface.

They actually want to stay connected.

The formula:

1. Spot their goal
2. Spot their constraint
3. Offer one specific action within two days

Not “let me think about it.”

One introduction. One article. One suggestion they can use tomorrow.

Most people leave events with cards and no next steps.

You can leave with three people who remember exactly how you helped them.

That’s the difference between collecting contacts and building relationships.

You've been climbing the wrong pyramid your entire career.

Maslow's hierarchy promised that if you checked the boxes (basic needs, safety, belonging, esteem) you'd reach self-actualization and feel complete.

The National Institutes of Health calls this "one of the most pernicious ideas in the social sciences."

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans from Stanford explain exactly why on this week's podcast.

Listen to this.

You contain more aliveness than one lifetime permits you to live.

If there's more potential inside you than you could possibly express in 80 years, and fulfillment requires living all of it, then you're chasing something mathematically impossible.

You were designed to feel incomplete.

Bill and Dave call this the "achieving brain." The mode most people operate in 99.7% of the time. Always optimizing. Always asking what else do I need to do?

Meanwhile, you miss the meaning that's already here.

Bill stopped on his way to class last week. A bush covered in blue flowers, blooming in late fall when it shouldn't. He took a picture. Tucked a flower in his notebook.

That was a meaning-making moment. Not because it was profound. Because he noticed.

Dave calls this the difference between the "transactional world" and the "flow world." Same reality, different lens. One keeps you stuck performing. The other lets you experience your life.

The shift that changes everything: Got to versus get to.

Bill used to drag himself to staff meetings he created. "I gotta go to this meeting."

Then he flipped it: "I get to work with some of the smartest people in the world trying to make the planet better."

Same meeting. Different experience.

Where you look is where you go.

Motorcycle riders know this. Stare at the ditch and you drive right into it.

Same with your career, your relationships, your entire life.

Stop climbing the pyramid.

Start noticing what's already here.

Most people think AI will kill conversation skills.

They're dead wrong.

A CEO I work with shocked me with what he now looks for in candidates:

"I don't hire based on resumes anymore. I hire based on how people handle conversation."

This matches what we've seen coaching technical professionals across Fortune 500 companies.

As AI handles more technical work, your conversation skills become your most valuable career asset.

Most professionals focus on the wrong thing. They worry AI will replace human connection when it's doing the opposite.

AI isn't eliminating conversation. It's elevating it.

Here's what happens when you understand this shift:

• AI handles data analysis while you build relationships

• Technical tasks get automated while interpersonal skills become premium

• Your ability to connect becomes your competitive advantage

A client came to me last month - brilliant software engineer, terrible at workplace communication.

We developed a framework for him to leverage AI tools to prepare for critical conversations. Instead of spending hours researching talking points, AI helped him identify connection opportunities in seconds.

Result? He navigated a promotion discussion with unprecedented confidence.

Three months later: 22% salary increase.

The professionals who thrive in the AI era understand a fundamental truth:

Technology doesn't replace human connection. It amplifies it.

Your competitive edge isn't technical expertise alone. It's how you convert that expertise into meaningful conversation.

The machines aren't coming for your job. They're coming for the parts of your job that prevent you from doing what humans do best - connect.

Stop fighting against AI. Start using it to supercharge your conversation skills.

The professionals who master this combination won't just survive.

They'll dominate.

Why do some leaders get loyalty while others get excuses?

It comes down to one thing: authority versus influence.

Authority comes from your position.
Influence comes from connection.

Authority can demand action.
Influence inspires commitment.

This difference explains why:

• Some managers get bare minimum effort, while others get discretionary energy
• Some parents get compliance while others get genuine cooperation
• Some salespeople get reluctant purchases while others get enthusiastic referrals

True influence isn’t about techniques or tactics. It’s built on a foundation of genuine connection.

And the counterintuitive key to that connection? Appropriate vulnerability.

Not oversharing. Not manufactured weakness.

But sharing your human experience authentically—enough to create bridges, not walls.

I’ve seen executives transform their leadership simply by explaining the thought process behind decisions instead of just announcing outcomes.

I’ve watched professionals strengthen client relationships by acknowledging the limits of their expertise rather than pretending to know everything.

The most influential people understand this: genuine vulnerability doesn’t diminish your impact—it amplifies it.

Because influence doesn’t come from appearing perfect.
It comes from being human in a way that allows others to connect with you authentically.

The question isn’t whether you have authority—it’s whether you’re creating the kind of connection that builds lasting influence.

What kind of connection are you creating today?

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