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Raphael Buck

Change your state, change your life. 
How to not miss your penalty shots in life.
  
Same moment. Different state. Different destiny.
 
You can often predict whether a player will miss or score 
a penalty before the ball is kicked just by the walk.
 
Player 1  
Shoulders tense. Jaw tight.  
Focus: “Don’t miss.”  
Meaning: “If I fail, I let everyone down.”  
The body contracts. The shot hesitates.  
Often miss.
 
Player 2  
Body loose. Breathe steady.  
Focus: “Pick the corner.”  
Meaning: “This is my moment.”  
The body expands. The movement flows.  
Often goal.
 
Same distance. Same pressure.  
Different state. Different result.
 
 
WHAT IS A STATE?

The concept popularized by Tony Robbins is simple:
State is the combination of three elements:

1. Physiology  
Posture, breathing, movement. 
The body influences the mind.

2. Focus  
What you pay attention to. 
Threat or opportunity.

3. Meaning  
The story you assign. 
Failure or training.

Physiology shapes focus.  
Focus shapes meaning.  
Meaning drives action.  
Action drives results.

  
WHY it matters
 
Decisions Improve  
Emotional state influences risk perception 
(Lerner et al., 2015). 
 
Energy Drives Execution  
Performance follows physiological activation. 
(Jamieson et al. 2010)
 
Identity Is Reinforced  
Repeated emotional states shape self-perception
(Damasio, 1994).
  
  
WHAT actions to take 
  
1. Activate Your Body
  
Before important conversations or decisions: 
move. Stand tall. Deepen your breathing. 
Elevate intensity for 60–120 seconds.
Body leads mind
  
2. Direct Your Focus
  
Ask better questions.  
Not: “Why is this difficult?”  
But: “What is the opportunity here?”  
Focus creates feeling
  
3. Reframe Meaning
  
Events are neutral. Interpretation is not.  
Replace “This is a problem” with “This is training.”  
Meaning shapes reality
  
4. Interrupt Fast
  
When you feel contraction, catch it early. 
Stand up. Walk. Reset breathing. 
Disrupt the loop
  
5. Create Rituals
  
Elite performers anchor peak states through routines: 
music, movement, visualization, breath. 
Build your own pre-performance ritual.
Ritual creates reliability
  

FINAL thought
  
Circumstances are rarely under your control.
Your physiology is.  Your focus is.  Your meaning is.


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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Change Your State - Change Your Life

First Principles - Relationships. 
Why great relationships are not about you but about the other person and what you build together.

Lady Randolph Churchill, Winston Churchill’s mother, 
once attended two dinners with 
two different British prime ministers.

After the first dinner she remarked:
"When I left the table, 
 I thought he was the most brilliant man in England."

After the second dinner she said:
"When I left the table, 
I thought I was the most brilliant woman in England."

The first man impressed her.
The second man made her feel valued.

Great relationships when 
others feel seen, valued, and understood.

 
WHY it matters

Happiness
Quality relationships are the strongest 
predictor of long-term happiness 
(Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

Health
Strong relationships significantly increase 
longevity and physical health
(Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

Resilience
Supportive relationships buffer stress and 
improve psychological resilience 
(Cohen & Wills, 1985).

 
WHAT actions to take

Five First Principles on Relationships

1. Trust
Trust grows through reliability and psychological safety. 
Keep your word, be consistent, listen without judgment,
and assume positive intent. 
Principle: Create psychological safety.

2. Understanding
Seek to truly understand the other person’s perspective, 
emotions, and aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions, 
listen carefully, and show genuine curiosity. 
Principle: Seek to understand first.

3. Appreciation
Express appreciation regularly. Notice small efforts, 
acknowledge strengths, and say thank you often. 
Principle: Show sincere appreciation.

4. Shared Meaning
Build experiences, rituals, and goals together. 
Travel, traditions, family habits, and common 
projects create shared memories and direction. 
Principle: Build something together.

5. Repair
Conflict is inevitable. What matters is repairing 
quickly. Apologize early, lower tension, and focus on
understanding rather than winning. 
Principle: Repair quickly.


FINAL thought

The secret of great relationships is surprisingly simple:
Make the other person feel bigger.
As writer Maya Angelou famously said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget 
what you did, but people will never forget 
how you made them feel.”

Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

First Principles - Relationships

Be a Free Spirit. 
Live by choice, not convention.

I find it fascinating what drives people 
to live their lives as they do.

There are countless explicit and implicit conventions 
about what a successful career looks like, 
what defines a great relationship, how to raise a family, 
and how to live healthily.

Many follow conventions without ever challenging them. 
They climb a ladder they never placed. 
They follow a script they did not write.

A free spirit is different.
“A free spirit is someone who is internally free enough 
to choose their life deliberately and 
brave enough to accept the consequences.”


WHY it matters

Agency
A free spirit strengthens agency 
Higher perceived control increases motivation, 
persistence, and performance under uncertainty 
(Bandura, 1997).

Coherence with What Matters
Living by chosen values increases coherence. 
When behavior aligns with intrinsic goals, well-being and 
sustained motivation rise significantly 
(Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Flexibility & Resilience
Detachment from rigid identity increases adaptability. 
Psychological flexibility improves resilience
(Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).


WHAT to do

1. Awareness & Detachment
List the conventions shaping your career, relationships, 
money, and health. Question each: 
Did I choose this or inherit it?
Principle: See the script

2. Curiosity
Expose yourself to alternative models of success 
and living. Read outside your field. Seek opposing views. 
Curiosity expands possibilities. 
Principle: Expand the frame

3. North Star
Define your core values, long-term ambition, 
and non-negotiables. 
Write a one-page personal constitution. 
Freedom requires direction, not drift. 
Principle: Choose your direction

4. Courage
Act in alignment even when approval declines. 
Make one visible decision that optimizes for meaning 
over optics this year. 
Freedom requires tolerating friction. 
Principle: Accept the cost

5. Discipline
Build systems that protect your autonomy: 
health routines, financial runway, deep work blocks. 
Discipline sustains freedom over time. 
Principle: Protect your freedom
 

FINAL thought
Being a free spirit is not about rebellion. 
It is about authorship.
Not escaping structure but choosing it. 
Not rejecting responsibility but owning it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become 
who you truly are.” Carl Jung

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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Be A Free Spirit

Either / Or:  How to make major life decisions?
A simple question provides the right path. 

Major life decisions. Everyone faces them.  
Do I pursue this career or that career?  
Do I stay in my current job or change?  
Do I engage with this partner or another?  
Do I commit to the relationship?  
Should we get married?  
Should we have children?
  
All of these are major life decisions.
  
Some decisions feel clear; 
Others are far less obvious.  
Because they offer different paths.  
They involve trade-offs. 
Those choices can lead to regret
The regret of an alternative life.
  
I recently came across a beautifully 
simple question for navigating such choices.  
It comes from Søren Kierkegaard in Either/Or:
  
“𝗢𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 
𝘄𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.”
  
 
WHY it matters
  
Clarity
Focusing on intolerable regret simplifies 
complex choices by revealing what truly matters, 
reducing cognitive overload and indecision 
(Iyengar & Lepper, 2000).
  
Commitment
Decisions aligned with deeply held values 
create stronger motivation and persistence  
(Self-Determination Theory; Deci & Ryan, 2000).
  
Life Satisfaction
People who make decisions consistent with 
intrinsic priorities report higher long-term 
life satisfaction and lower regret 
(Schwartz et al., 2002).
  

WHAT to do 
  
1. Imagine Both Futures
Visualize both life paths in vivid detail
career, relationships, daily life, identity. 
Notice which imagined future creates 
deeper excitement or discomfort.
 
2. Identify the Regret
 Ask: ten years from now, which missed path 
would create the heavier regret? 
Regret reveals priorities
  
3. Remove Perfection
Accept that no choice eliminates trade-offs. 
Every meaningful path sacrifices another possibility. 
Life is trade-offs
  
4. Follow Aliveness
Notice which option feels more alive, meaningful, 
or expansive, even if it is harder or riskier. 
Growth usually lives there. 
Energy signals direction
  
5. Commit Fully
Once chosen, stop revisiting the alternative path. 
Invest your energy fully in building the life you selected.
Commitment creates meaning
  

FINAL thought
  
“Life can only be understood backwards; 
but it must be lived forwards.” Søren Kierkegaard
  
  
Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

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Either / Or - Life Decisions

After 35+ years in senior tech roles, I learned careers aren’t shaped by talent alone.

They’re shaped by environments, boundaries, seasons, identity and courage.
I write daily about the part of careers that don't always make sense:

Why good people get overlooked.
Why high performers burn out.
Why smart professionals stay stuck.

And how to build a career that actually fits who you are.

What you’ll find here:
📌 Setting boundaries  
📌 Building a career identity 
📌 Learning from setbacks
📌 Growing without burning out
📌 Outgrowing roles and finding the right fit
📌 Spotting red flags early

I write the realities of corporate life, and if you’re ambitious and human, you’ll find yourself somewhere in my posts.

I’m not selling anything (yet).
I’m building a community of people who want meaningful careers, not just impressive titles.

If that’s you, join the 25k already here and follow along.

Maryann Jamieson

Corporate trained you not to ship anything imperfect.

Grades. Rankings. Performance reviews. Billable hours.
Every output evaluated.
Every mistake remembered.

You learned quickly that work wasn't just work.
It was a verdict.

So you adapted.

You learned to over-prepare.
Over-polish.
Over-think.

It made you competent.
It also made you cautious.

And outside that system?
Caution doesn’t win.

The people moving fastest aren't the most prepared.
They're the most willing to be seen before they're finished.

They posted before their “personal brand” was ready.
That was me in April last year.
They pitched before the deck was elegant.
They applied before they ticked every box.

You weren’t trained like that.
You were trained to avoid visible mistakes.

That works when your job is to colour inside the lines.
It stalls you when your value is what you create.

Here’s what that pattern is costing you:
→ Ideas dying in drafts while opportunities move on
→ Other people shipping messy version 1.0 while you polish version 0.1
→ Skills that never sharpen because you won't release anything for feedback
→ Doors staying shut that you’ll never know could have opened

Perfection feels like protection.

It’s not.

It just makes you late.

You don't need lower standards.
You need a different sequence.

Exist first.
Improve second.
Refine third.

The market can’t respond to what it can’t see.

Done and imperfect beats perfect and imaginary.

Every time.

Just make it exist first.
You can make it good later.

♻ Share to help someone who’s stuck  
➕ Follow me Maryann (MJ) for more

Maryann (MJ) Jamieson

🧠 Resilience, Mindset, Strategy ✍️ Daily career posts 👥 Join a thriving community of 30k like minded professionals

Quitting a job is okay. 
Moving on is okay. 
Struggling is okay.

What’s not okay is telling yourself you should be grateful while your value goes unseen.

And yet, many high performers do exactly that.
Sometimes for years.

Here's why: 
→ You were taught loyalty is a virtue
→ You were told things would improve if you just stayed patient
→ You learned to make your self‑worth conditional on finally winning approval

So you worked harder. 
Volunteered more. 
Made yourself impossible to ignore.

And they still looked through you.
That was never about your effort.

Managers who don’t recognise your value aren’t going to suddenly start.
Not because of a better presentation. 
Not because of another late night. 
Not because you finally crack the code of their politics.

They won’t see it because you’re not what they’re backing.

Three signs your value isn’t recognised: 

1/ Your name disappears from succession conversations
↳ You find out about “future leaders” after the slide deck’s already been shared

2/ You’re only looped in once the direction is locked
↳ Your job becomes execution, not influence

3/ Your ideas get airtime, just not credit
↳ You hear your words repeated back without your name attached

You’re allowed to outgrow a role. 
You’re allowed to leave a manager who can’t see what you bring. 
You’re allowed to stop pouring your best work into a place that’s already decided you’re replaceable.

Leaving isn’t failure. 
It’s choosing to take your value somewhere it can actually be recognised.

♻ Share this to help someone who has stayed too long
➕ Follow Maryann (MJ) for more

📷 Image credit thanks to my friend Alec Rickard

🧠 Resilience, Mindset, Strategy ✍️ Daily career posts 👥 Join a growing community of 28k

Formal education starts your career.
Self‑education keeps it relevant.

The people who grow fast don’t wait for someone to train them.
They’re quietly training themselves.

Not because they’re obsessed with hustle.
But because they understand something most people miss.

Careers don’t only grow through big moments.
They grow through small, repeatable habits.

Daily reps.
Curiosity on purpose.
Learning that happens even when no one’s watching.

When you outsource your development, a few things happen:
❌ Your skills lag behind the market
❌ Others become fluent in new tools while you stay comfortable
❌ “Potential” stays theoretical
❌ Opportunity moves to those already prepared

The people who advance don’t wait for perfect corporate programs or permission.
They don’t wait to be noticed.

They treat learning as part of life, not an extra.

Twenty minutes here.
A sharper question there.

Trying, testing, adjusting in real time.
No applause.
No announcement.
Just steady momentum.

That’s why they look “suddenly ready” when opportunities appear.
They didn’t get lucky.
They got prepared. 

Never underestimate a mind that stays open.
Careers grow at the speed of learning.


📌 Save this for the moments you feel behind.
➕ Follow Maryann (MJ) for more.

The scariest place to find yourself?
Exactly where you've always been.

Not failing. Not struggling.
Just the same.
Same role. Same skills. Same ceiling.

And here's what happens when you don’t grow:
Your skills start to get rusty.
The tools you’re comfortable with become outdated.
The problems you solve get smaller.
The conversations you have stay surface level.

Meanwhile, the market moves on 
Weekly announcements about AI, restructures, and job cuts.

I see this all the time:
Professionals terrified of admitting they need to upskill or ask for stretch projects.
But perfectly fine watching month after month disappear into the same routine.

That's the real risk.
Not that you'll fail at something new.
That another quarter passes and nothing really changes.

Because here's the reality about standing still:
It feels safe at first.
The job's decent. The pay's okay. You're not drowning.

But stagnation costs you in ways you don't notice until it's too late:
→ Confidence in your ability to learn something hard
→ Relevance in a market that's moving fast
→ Energy to take the leap when you finally need to

And growing doesn’t mean you have to change everything overnight.
It can be small, deliberate moves:
→ One new skill that stretches you
→ One uncomfortable conversation you've been avoiding
→ One boundary you finally set
→ One room you ask to be in

The compound effect works both ways.
Small daily choices. Big long‑term outcomes.

Soon enough, you’ll either be further ahead or just the same.
Comfortable but stuck.

Choose to grow.


📌 Save this for when you drift into “comfort zone” mode.
➕ Follow Maryann (MJ) for more.

Easy to work with often means easy to walk over. 

Say yes more than you should.
Stay agreeable when something feels off.

And the moment you stop?

The labels start appearing.
“Difficult.”
“Too much.”
“Not a team player.”

It happens the minute you stop absorbing what was never yours to carry.
The extra work.
The blurred boundaries.
Expectations that keep expanding while recognition stays the same.

So you start to wonder if maybe you are the problem.
Maybe you pushed too hard.
Maybe you should have handled it differently.
Maybe being easier would make life simpler.

But here’s the pattern worth noticing.
People rarely call you difficult when you’re doing things that benefit you.
They use it when you stop doing things that benefit them.

When you hold the line on quality. 
When you question decisions that don't make sense. 
When you stop shrinking to make someone else comfortable.

Depth unsettles people who prefer the surface.
Asking one more question.
Raising the bar on standards.
Expecting fairness in workload, pay, and credit.

None of that is “too much.”
It’s integrity.

The truth is, the moment you stop people-pleasing, someone will decide you’ve become difficult.

Not because you changed.

Because you stopped making their life easier at your expense.

That's not a criticism. That's a signal.

The ocean has never apologised for its depth.
You don’t have to either.

📌 Save this for the next time someone calls you “difficult”.
➕ Follow Maryann (MJ) for more.

Not everyone wants the version of you that wins.

Pay attention to that.

Think about your biggest career moments. 
✅ Someone opened that door. 
✅ Made that introduction. 
✅ Challenged your thinking when you needed it. 
✅ Had your back when you doubted yourself.

Now think about the setbacks.
Someone was there for those too, just not in the way you needed.

Here's what nobody tells you early enough:
Individual talent only takes you so far. 

The real multiplier is who you surround yourself with. 
And whether you're protecting that circle or just tolerating whoever showed up.

Some people cheer your wins. 
Others cheer your struggles. 
Learning to tell the difference is a career skill.

The ones who need to go? 
❌ They downplay what you've achieved. 
❌ They disappear when things get hard. 
❌ They drain you every single interaction. 
❌ They guard information like it's scarce. 
❌ They make your wins feel like a threat.

You don't need a dramatic exit. 
You just need to stop giving them front row seats.

Build your circle deliberately. 
Protect it fiercely.

Because behind every major career move is a small group of people who believed in you, and a quiet decision to stop seeking approval from those who didn't.

♻️ Share to help others find their cheer squad 
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📸 Image credit: Leonardo Freixas (follow him)

Some people like your posts. 
Others say your name in rooms you'll never see.

There's a version of "support" that costs nothing.
The emoji on your announcement. 
The "well deserved!" comment. 
The vague "let me know if I can help."

And then there's the kind that actually changes things.
The message that says: "There's a role you'd be perfect for. You need to meet them." 
The intro that starts with: "I've already mentioned your name." 
The credit redirected back to you in a meeting you weren't even in.

One is feel good. 
The other is advocacy.

Here's the reality of careers: 
Those who advance aren't always the most talented. 
They're the most mentioned.

In the hiring manager's morning chat. 
In the Slack channel that never gets screenshotted. 
In the hallway conversation before the shortlist is even built.

That's how opportunities actually move.

Pay attention to:
→ Who shares the opportunity before you even know it exists? 
→ Who forwards your CV when you’re facing a layoff?
→ Who makes the intro without waiting to be asked?

That's your real circle.

Not your connection count. 
Not your follower list. 
Not the people who watch from the front row and never open a door.

Be the friend who advocates first. 
Expect the same in return.

That's not needy. 
That's just knowing what real friendship looks like.

♻️ Share to support the people who open doors for others
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Nobody fights to keep someone they can't picture.

And if you've spent years blending into the crowd

Rehearsed.
Careful.
Neutral.

They can't picture you.

Think about how opportunities actually move in organisations.
Not through job boards. 
Not through performance reviews. 
Through conversations you're not in.

Someone says a name. 
Everyone in the room agrees. 
That person gets the call.

It's often not the most qualified person. 
It's the most distinct.

The one with a recognisable point of view. 
The one whose thinking they can describe in a sentence. 
The one who showed them how to get sh*t done.

That’s not luck.
That’s visibility.

Here’s what a lack of visibility costs you:
Always on the fence → nobody knows what you think. 
Leave your personality at the door → nobody knows who you are. 
Perform perfection instead of being real → nobody remembers you were there.

You become easy to overlook. 
Easy to replace when cuts are made.
Easy to forget when the opportunity comes up.

And here's the part that stings. 
The very thing you've been hiding to protect your career is the thing that would actually advance it.

Your distinct perspective. 
Your hard-won experience. 
Your honesty. 

That's your leverage.

Not your title. 
Not your tenure. 
Not how well you've learned to disappear into the room.

You don't need to share everything. 
You don't need to be controversial. 
You just need to be findable.

Distinct enough that when someone says your name, the room nods.

Be you. Not them.

♻ Share this to help someone stop disappearing
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📷 Inspo: @fullystaked (IG) + Susan Chen

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Raphael Buck

Maryann Jamieson

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The Battle

Raphael Buck

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