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Raphael Buck

Change your state, change your life. 
How to not miss your penalty shots in life.
  
Same moment. Different state. Different destiny.
 
You can often predict whether a player will miss or score 
a penalty before the ball is kicked just by the walk.
 
Player 1  
Shoulders tense. Jaw tight.  
Focus: “Don’t miss.”  
Meaning: “If I fail, I let everyone down.”  
The body contracts. The shot hesitates.  
Often miss.
 
Player 2  
Body loose. Breathe steady.  
Focus: “Pick the corner.”  
Meaning: “This is my moment.”  
The body expands. The movement flows.  
Often goal.
 
Same distance. Same pressure.  
Different state. Different result.
 
 
WHAT IS A STATE?

The concept popularized by Tony Robbins is simple:
State is the combination of three elements:

1. Physiology  
Posture, breathing, movement. 
The body influences the mind.

2. Focus  
What you pay attention to. 
Threat or opportunity.

3. Meaning  
The story you assign. 
Failure or training.

Physiology shapes focus.  
Focus shapes meaning.  
Meaning drives action.  
Action drives results.

  
WHY it matters
 
Decisions Improve  
Emotional state influences risk perception 
(Lerner et al., 2015). 
 
Energy Drives Execution  
Performance follows physiological activation. 
(Jamieson et al. 2010)
 
Identity Is Reinforced  
Repeated emotional states shape self-perception
(Damasio, 1994).
  
  
WHAT actions to take 
  
1. Activate Your Body
  
Before important conversations or decisions: 
move. Stand tall. Deepen your breathing. 
Elevate intensity for 60–120 seconds.
Body leads mind
  
2. Direct Your Focus
  
Ask better questions.  
Not: “Why is this difficult?”  
But: “What is the opportunity here?”  
Focus creates feeling
  
3. Reframe Meaning
  
Events are neutral. Interpretation is not.  
Replace “This is a problem” with “This is training.”  
Meaning shapes reality
  
4. Interrupt Fast
  
When you feel contraction, catch it early. 
Stand up. Walk. Reset breathing. 
Disrupt the loop
  
5. Create Rituals
  
Elite performers anchor peak states through routines: 
music, movement, visualization, breath. 
Build your own pre-performance ritual.
Ritual creates reliability
  

FINAL thought
  
Circumstances are rarely under your control.
Your physiology is.  Your focus is.  Your meaning is.


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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Change Your State - Change Your Life

First Principles - Relationships. 
Why great relationships are not about you but about the other person and what you build together.

Lady Randolph Churchill, Winston Churchill’s mother, 
once attended two dinners with 
two different British prime ministers.

After the first dinner she remarked:
"When I left the table, 
 I thought he was the most brilliant man in England."

After the second dinner she said:
"When I left the table, 
I thought I was the most brilliant woman in England."

The first man impressed her.
The second man made her feel valued.

Great relationships when 
others feel seen, valued, and understood.

 
WHY it matters

Happiness
Quality relationships are the strongest 
predictor of long-term happiness 
(Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

Health
Strong relationships significantly increase 
longevity and physical health
(Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

Resilience
Supportive relationships buffer stress and 
improve psychological resilience 
(Cohen & Wills, 1985).

 
WHAT actions to take

Five First Principles on Relationships

1. Trust
Trust grows through reliability and psychological safety. 
Keep your word, be consistent, listen without judgment,
and assume positive intent. 
Principle: Create psychological safety.

2. Understanding
Seek to truly understand the other person’s perspective, 
emotions, and aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions, 
listen carefully, and show genuine curiosity. 
Principle: Seek to understand first.

3. Appreciation
Express appreciation regularly. Notice small efforts, 
acknowledge strengths, and say thank you often. 
Principle: Show sincere appreciation.

4. Shared Meaning
Build experiences, rituals, and goals together. 
Travel, traditions, family habits, and common 
projects create shared memories and direction. 
Principle: Build something together.

5. Repair
Conflict is inevitable. What matters is repairing 
quickly. Apologize early, lower tension, and focus on
understanding rather than winning. 
Principle: Repair quickly.


FINAL thought

The secret of great relationships is surprisingly simple:
Make the other person feel bigger.
As writer Maya Angelou famously said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget 
what you did, but people will never forget 
how you made them feel.”

Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

First Principles - Relationships

Be a Free Spirit. 
Live by choice, not convention.

I find it fascinating what drives people 
to live their lives as they do.

There are countless explicit and implicit conventions 
about what a successful career looks like, 
what defines a great relationship, how to raise a family, 
and how to live healthily.

Many follow conventions without ever challenging them. 
They climb a ladder they never placed. 
They follow a script they did not write.

A free spirit is different.
“A free spirit is someone who is internally free enough 
to choose their life deliberately and 
brave enough to accept the consequences.”


WHY it matters

Agency
A free spirit strengthens agency 
Higher perceived control increases motivation, 
persistence, and performance under uncertainty 
(Bandura, 1997).

Coherence with What Matters
Living by chosen values increases coherence. 
When behavior aligns with intrinsic goals, well-being and 
sustained motivation rise significantly 
(Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Flexibility & Resilience
Detachment from rigid identity increases adaptability. 
Psychological flexibility improves resilience
(Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).


WHAT to do

1. Awareness & Detachment
List the conventions shaping your career, relationships, 
money, and health. Question each: 
Did I choose this or inherit it?
Principle: See the script

2. Curiosity
Expose yourself to alternative models of success 
and living. Read outside your field. Seek opposing views. 
Curiosity expands possibilities. 
Principle: Expand the frame

3. North Star
Define your core values, long-term ambition, 
and non-negotiables. 
Write a one-page personal constitution. 
Freedom requires direction, not drift. 
Principle: Choose your direction

4. Courage
Act in alignment even when approval declines. 
Make one visible decision that optimizes for meaning 
over optics this year. 
Freedom requires tolerating friction. 
Principle: Accept the cost

5. Discipline
Build systems that protect your autonomy: 
health routines, financial runway, deep work blocks. 
Discipline sustains freedom over time. 
Principle: Protect your freedom
 

FINAL thought
Being a free spirit is not about rebellion. 
It is about authorship.
Not escaping structure but choosing it. 
Not rejecting responsibility but owning it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become 
who you truly are.” Carl Jung

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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Be A Free Spirit

Either / Or:  How to make major life decisions?
A simple question provides the right path. 

Major life decisions. Everyone faces them.  
Do I pursue this career or that career?  
Do I stay in my current job or change?  
Do I engage with this partner or another?  
Do I commit to the relationship?  
Should we get married?  
Should we have children?
  
All of these are major life decisions.
  
Some decisions feel clear; 
Others are far less obvious.  
Because they offer different paths.  
They involve trade-offs. 
Those choices can lead to regret
The regret of an alternative life.
  
I recently came across a beautifully 
simple question for navigating such choices.  
It comes from Søren Kierkegaard in Either/Or:
  
“𝗢𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 
𝘄𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.”
  
 
WHY it matters
  
Clarity
Focusing on intolerable regret simplifies 
complex choices by revealing what truly matters, 
reducing cognitive overload and indecision 
(Iyengar & Lepper, 2000).
  
Commitment
Decisions aligned with deeply held values 
create stronger motivation and persistence  
(Self-Determination Theory; Deci & Ryan, 2000).
  
Life Satisfaction
People who make decisions consistent with 
intrinsic priorities report higher long-term 
life satisfaction and lower regret 
(Schwartz et al., 2002).
  

WHAT to do 
  
1. Imagine Both Futures
Visualize both life paths in vivid detail
career, relationships, daily life, identity. 
Notice which imagined future creates 
deeper excitement or discomfort.
 
2. Identify the Regret
 Ask: ten years from now, which missed path 
would create the heavier regret? 
Regret reveals priorities
  
3. Remove Perfection
Accept that no choice eliminates trade-offs. 
Every meaningful path sacrifices another possibility. 
Life is trade-offs
  
4. Follow Aliveness
Notice which option feels more alive, meaningful, 
or expansive, even if it is harder or riskier. 
Growth usually lives there. 
Energy signals direction
  
5. Commit Fully
Once chosen, stop revisiting the alternative path. 
Invest your energy fully in building the life you selected.
Commitment creates meaning
  

FINAL thought
  
“Life can only be understood backwards; 
but it must be lived forwards.” Søren Kierkegaard
  
  
Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

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Either / Or - Life Decisions

At the senior level, money is made or lost at decision points, not execution points. In defining moments, the challenge isn’t competence but complexity, consequence, and irreversibility.Decisions don’t just affect outcomes. They reshape power, identity, and relationships. I work with senior leaders in these moments as a trusted thinking partner, bringing clarity, perspective, and timing when logic alone is no longer enough, so they can make clean, aligned decisions they can stand behind with confidence.The stakes are higher.There’s less room for misalignment.And fewer places to speak openly about the decisions that matter most to you.This work exists for leaders navigating high-stakes decisions,pivotal transitions, and identity-level turning points.Moments where logic alone is not enoughand certainty matters more than speed.The focus isn’t traditional coaching or motivation.It’s restoring your internal authorityso decisions feel clear, grounded, and finalwithout pressure, performance or second-guessing.The work is discreet, precise, and deeply personalised.It creates space to see what’s actually shaping the decision:timing, responsibility, context, or consequence.When clarity returns:The real issue becomes visible.Options simplify.Doubt dissolves.Whether it’s:pivotrole changeidentity shiftrelational decisionstrategic transitionstarting something on your ownleaders move forward with composure and confidence.If you’re carrying a decision you can’t voice with your team or your close circle, a short private conversation is often the right next step.DM: DECISION

Marta MSc

The quietest workplaces are the most dangerous ones.
Because silence isn't agreement.

It's fear.

People don't stay quiet because
they have nothing to say.
They stay quiet because
they've learned it isn't safe to speak.

Someone spoke up in a meeting once.
They were labelled "difficult."

Someone questioned the strategy.
Suddenly "not a team player."

Someone pointed out the obvious problem.
Gone within 6 months.

The pattern is clear.

Open door policies
with closed consequences.

Requests for candid feedback
that end careers.

That quiet conference room isn't respect.
It's people who learned the cost of honesty.

The most dangerous workplaces
aren't where people argue.

They're where people stop trying.

Because silence isn't compliance.

It's employees protecting themselves
from leadership that can't handle the truth.

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for high-stakes decision clarity at turning points.
🔁 Repost this to stand for workplaces where it’s safe to speak.

Marta Duda MSc

CTrO to Directors, VPs, C-Suite Who Can’t Afford the Wrong Move | Executive Decision Architecture for Senior Leaders Navigating High-Stakes M&A, Board-Level Succession & Irreversible Reputation Risk

I spend years chasing luxury,

and miss what real wealth is.

It isn’t monetary.
It never was.

What I valued at 23 & 48 was so different.

At 23, my life looked like this:

- Sleeping little, wearing exhaustion like a badge of honour
- A packed social calendar (I could never say NO)
- Keeping up with everyone else's Instagram reel
- Dating someone for appearance vs kindness
- Trendy & fashionable clothing over quality
- Already behind before the day began
- Chasing round the "hottest" events
- Fast mornings with zero plans
- Eating on the go

I thought I was winning.

At 48, luxury looks completely different:

- Nine hours of actual sleep
- Time to think without rushing
- Calm, "boring" days with no agenda
- Slow mornings with a walk in nature
- A quiet mind that doesn't race at 3 am
- Home-cooked meals over proceed once
- Conversations that go deeper than small talk
- People who love the real me, not the version I perform

The shift hit me slowly.
It built up at the beginning of 40s.

What changed wasn’t money.
Achievement.
Or status. 

It was what my nervous system could tolerate.

What my body asked for.
What my mind needed was to stay calm.

The things that seemed "boring" in my 20s
are actually what "wealth" looks like at 40+.

You're not settling or getting old.
You've just figured out what actually matters.

The real luxury isn't impressing strangers.
Or achieving society's expectations.
It's peace of mind.

The irony?

Most of us spend years chasing a version of success
that quietly takes this away.

And only later realise
that the life we were trying to escape
was the one worth protecting.

💭 If you removed everything that looks successful from your life, would it still feel rich?
If not: What actually needs to change?

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for high-stakes decision clarity at turning points.
🔁 Repost this if you believe maturing is redefining what matters.

Chief Transformation Officer for Senior Leaders & Executives Who Can’t Afford to Make the Wrong Move || Strategic Decision-Making in High-Stakes M&A, Board-Level Succession & Irreversible Reputation Risk

High performers aren’t rewarded.

They’re overloaded.

Excellence gets punished
and leadership calls it "opportunity."

Your best performer closes the deal.
Covers for struggling teammates.
Stays late when systems break.
Gets handed the crisis project.

Meanwhile, leadership celebrates itself.

Thinking they built trust.
But what they created is
performance punishment.

The pattern is predictable:

High performers get overwhelmed.
Poor performers get overlooked.
Excellence becomes exhausting.
Mediocrity stays comfortable.

The best people don't leave bad companies.
They leave enviroment that exploits competence.

While the underperformers sit untouched.
Same protection from consequences.
Same expectations.
Same workload.

I often watch excellence burn out in leaders I work with.
And I was one of them.

I thought it was recognition.

But in reality:
that's a system designed backwards.

And when your top talent finally walks?

Leadership acts shocked.
Blames "unrealistic expectations."
Blames "work-life balance demands."

Never blames the system
that turned being best at your job into a penalty.

Be very careful of the behaviours
and standards you reward as a leader.

Because good people will finally leave,
and poor performers will never learn.

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for high-stakes decision clarity.
🔁 Repost to remind someone that your excellence deserves bigger opportunities, not overload.

Executive Decision Advisor for Senior Leaders Who Can’t Afford to Make the Wrong Move | Director, VP, C-Suite Navigating High-Stakes Career Moves, Complex Pivots & Irreversible Transitions

Skill builds products.

Character builds companies.

Smart people solve problems.
Kind and humble people?

They build the environments
where everyone solves problems.

I've worked with brilliant minds.
The ones who move fast.
Execute flawlessly.
Think sharp.

But the people who make the lasting difference?
They didn't just bring intelligence.
They brought presence.

They listened before they spoke.
Made space for others to lead.
Turned tension into trust.

That's true sustainability.

Smart gets you in the room.
Kind keeps people there.
Humble makes them want to stay.

The strongest teams aren't built on who knows the most.
They're built on who makes others better.

When you work alongside people who:
Own their mistakes.
Celebrate others.
Check their ego.

Everything moves differently.
Deeper collaboration.
Faster decisions.
Better outcomes.

It may look soft.
But it's strategic.

It doesn't have to be complicated.
Start simple and be consistent:

- Ask more questions than you answer
- Credit others before claiming credit
- Admit when you don't know

Character isn't a bonus these days.
It's the foundation.

If you're building something that matters:

Hire for character.
That's the next level of amazing.

Because the best work doesn’t come from tension.

It comes from kind & humble people
who build strong teams
that create big results.

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for high-stakes decision clarity at turning points.
🔁 Reposting this to remind someone that their character is the real competitive edge.

If I had 1 wish for International Women’s Day 

it would be this one:

For every male leader
to spend 24 hours
in a female body.

To see your breakthrough idea
dismissed as "interesting"
until someone else presents it later
and gets the recognition.

To walk into the C-suite
and feel every eye assess
whether you belong there.

To present your strategy
and watch them search your credentials
for the catch.

To state your position firmly
and be told you're "too intense"
for the room.

To manage up and sideways
while carrying the emotional labour
of making everyone comfortable
with your presence.

To be the only woman
making decisions about women's advancement
while men design the criteria.

To modulate every word
because leadership presence
looks different on you.

Finally:

To realise your biggest barrier
isn't your capability.
It's their comfort.

You cannot fix what you have never felt.

The empathy gap isn't about intention.
It's about lived experience.

Companies spend millions on bias training.
But bias training assumes
the system can stay the same
if people just think differently.

The system was designed by people
who never had to navigate it
as an outsider.

Leaders who truly understood
wouldn't ask women to lean in.
They'd ask: "What are we leaning into?"

They'd redesign promotion processes.
Question meeting dynamics.
Change who gets access to opportunities.

They'd stop managing symptoms
and start redesigning structure.

Because real change happens

when those with power
stop asking others to adapt
and start asking themselves to rebuild.

International Women's Day isn't about flowers.

It's a mirror for leaders with the power
to rebuild systems that will actually work.

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for strategic decisions at turning points.
🔁 Repost this to remind someone that change starts with leaders because the bottleneck is always at the TOP.

Strategic Decisions for Sr Leaders Who Can’t Afford to Make the Wrong Move | Director, VP & C-Suite Leaders Navigating High-Stakes Inflexion Points, Complex Power Shifts & Irreversible Reputation Risk

It’s not effort that gets paid.

Irreplaceable does.

They sold us a lie:
Work hard and you'll be rewarded.

But you aren't paid according to how hard you work.
You’re paid according to how hard you’re to replace.

The hardest workers I know?
They're carrying everyone else's workload.
And getting the same salary.

While someone who hoards information
and creates dependencies gets promoted.

Orgs don't reward dedication.
They exploit it.

The person who stays late every night
to fix problems … gets more problems.
The person who makes themselves scarce
… gets leverage.

Your loyalty becomes your liability.
Your competence becomes your cage.

While the person who documents nothing,
shares nothing, and
makes everything run through them?

They become indispensable.
And indispensable gets paid.

The system rewards scarcity.
Not service.

The uncomfortable truth is:

Working harder makes you more replaceable.
Not less.

Because the harder you work
to prove your worth,
the more the organisation learns
it can function without proper support,
without adequate staffing, without investing in systems.

It just needs you to work harder.

That's not a career strategy.
That's exploitation with a performance review.

So what do we do?

- We stop trying to prove our value through volume.
Start protecting it through boundaries.

- We stop documenting everything perfectly
so anyone can replace us.
Start owning outcomes that only we can deliver.

- We stop making ourselves available for everything.
Start making our expertise valuable,
not availability.

The goal isn't to become a gatekeeper.
It's to become the architect.

The person who sees the whole picture.
Who connects the dots no one else sees.
Who solves problems before they become crises.

That's not replaceable.

So ask yourself:
Are you building skills that scale your value?
Or just working harder to prove your worth?

Because one makes you indispensable.
The other just makes you tired.

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for high-stakes decision clarity at turning points.
🔁 Repost this to remind someone that their value isn’t in how much they carry, but in how hard they are to replace.

Rooms have ceilings.

You evolve.

If you constantly feel ahead of the conversation,
ahead of the ambition, ahead of the standard.
and stretched by the idea of what’s next …

That’s not arrogance.
That’s data.

The faster you grow,
the more often you should change rooms.

High-achivers are told:
Stay the course.
Be consistent.
Be loyal.

But growth changes you.

Your standards rise.
Your speed increases.
Your thinking sharpens.

And when the room stays the same?
You start compensating.

You over-deliver.
You over-explain.
Carry more than your share.
You make yourself smaller to keep the peace.

On paper you fit in.
In reality, you don’t belong anymore.

What I learn when 
changed countries
communities
jobs:

Staying too long in the wrong environment
doesn’t prove stability.

It slows expansion.
Your greatness is in ‘on hold’ mode.

The fastest-growing professionals
don’t just upgrade skills.

They upgrade rooms strategically.

Because the environment determines:
• how much of yourself you can actually use
• how high you set the bar
• what can you learn
• how fast you think
• how bold you act

That’s not ego.
That’s misalignment.
And misalignment is data.

The goal isn’t to keep fitting in.

The goal is to position yourself
where your current level
is normal.

If you want to pressure-test your environment,
audit your circle.

I use this simple rule:

• 30% people you actively support
• 30% peers who stretch & challenge you
• 30% people at a level you aspire to reach

If everyone around you needs you.
You’re capped.

If everyone around you equals you.
You’re stable.

If no one around you intimidates you.
You’re in 'on hold' stage.

The environment isn't motivational.
Or a nice to have.
It’s structural.

And structure determines trajectory.

Growth requires movement.

And the faster you grow,
the less the current environment nourishes you.

Stop fitting in. Start to belong.

🔔 Follow Marta Duda MSc for high-stakes decision clarity.
🔁 Repost to remind someone:
Stability & stagnation aren't the same thing.

Executive Decision-Making Advisory for High-Performing Sr Women Leaders, VPs & CXOs at Turning Points Who Can’t Afford to Make The Wrong Move | Complex Transitions, High-Stakes Pivots & Identity-Level Growth

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Raphael Buck

Marta MSc

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The Battle

Raphael Buck

Marta MSc

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