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Raphael Buck

Change your state, change your life. 
How to not miss your penalty shots in life.
  
Same moment. Different state. Different destiny.
 
You can often predict whether a player will miss or score 
a penalty before the ball is kicked just by the walk.
 
Player 1  
Shoulders tense. Jaw tight.  
Focus: “Don’t miss.”  
Meaning: “If I fail, I let everyone down.”  
The body contracts. The shot hesitates.  
Often miss.
 
Player 2  
Body loose. Breathe steady.  
Focus: “Pick the corner.”  
Meaning: “This is my moment.”  
The body expands. The movement flows.  
Often goal.
 
Same distance. Same pressure.  
Different state. Different result.
 
 
WHAT IS A STATE?

The concept popularized by Tony Robbins is simple:
State is the combination of three elements:

1. Physiology  
Posture, breathing, movement. 
The body influences the mind.

2. Focus  
What you pay attention to. 
Threat or opportunity.

3. Meaning  
The story you assign. 
Failure or training.

Physiology shapes focus.  
Focus shapes meaning.  
Meaning drives action.  
Action drives results.

  
WHY it matters
 
Decisions Improve  
Emotional state influences risk perception 
(Lerner et al., 2015). 
 
Energy Drives Execution  
Performance follows physiological activation. 
(Jamieson et al. 2010)
 
Identity Is Reinforced  
Repeated emotional states shape self-perception
(Damasio, 1994).
  
  
WHAT actions to take 
  
1. Activate Your Body
  
Before important conversations or decisions: 
move. Stand tall. Deepen your breathing. 
Elevate intensity for 60–120 seconds.
Body leads mind
  
2. Direct Your Focus
  
Ask better questions.  
Not: “Why is this difficult?”  
But: “What is the opportunity here?”  
Focus creates feeling
  
3. Reframe Meaning
  
Events are neutral. Interpretation is not.  
Replace “This is a problem” with “This is training.”  
Meaning shapes reality
  
4. Interrupt Fast
  
When you feel contraction, catch it early. 
Stand up. Walk. Reset breathing. 
Disrupt the loop
  
5. Create Rituals
  
Elite performers anchor peak states through routines: 
music, movement, visualization, breath. 
Build your own pre-performance ritual.
Ritual creates reliability
  

FINAL thought
  
Circumstances are rarely under your control.
Your physiology is.  Your focus is.  Your meaning is.


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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Change Your State - Change Your Life

First Principles - Relationships. 
Why great relationships are not about you but about the other person and what you build together.

Lady Randolph Churchill, Winston Churchill’s mother, 
once attended two dinners with 
two different British prime ministers.

After the first dinner she remarked:
"When I left the table, 
 I thought he was the most brilliant man in England."

After the second dinner she said:
"When I left the table, 
I thought I was the most brilliant woman in England."

The first man impressed her.
The second man made her feel valued.

Great relationships when 
others feel seen, valued, and understood.

 
WHY it matters

Happiness
Quality relationships are the strongest 
predictor of long-term happiness 
(Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

Health
Strong relationships significantly increase 
longevity and physical health
(Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

Resilience
Supportive relationships buffer stress and 
improve psychological resilience 
(Cohen & Wills, 1985).

 
WHAT actions to take

Five First Principles on Relationships

1. Trust
Trust grows through reliability and psychological safety. 
Keep your word, be consistent, listen without judgment,
and assume positive intent. 
Principle: Create psychological safety.

2. Understanding
Seek to truly understand the other person’s perspective, 
emotions, and aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions, 
listen carefully, and show genuine curiosity. 
Principle: Seek to understand first.

3. Appreciation
Express appreciation regularly. Notice small efforts, 
acknowledge strengths, and say thank you often. 
Principle: Show sincere appreciation.

4. Shared Meaning
Build experiences, rituals, and goals together. 
Travel, traditions, family habits, and common 
projects create shared memories and direction. 
Principle: Build something together.

5. Repair
Conflict is inevitable. What matters is repairing 
quickly. Apologize early, lower tension, and focus on
understanding rather than winning. 
Principle: Repair quickly.


FINAL thought

The secret of great relationships is surprisingly simple:
Make the other person feel bigger.
As writer Maya Angelou famously said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget 
what you did, but people will never forget 
how you made them feel.”

Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

First Principles - Relationships

Be a Free Spirit. 
Live by choice, not convention.

I find it fascinating what drives people 
to live their lives as they do.

There are countless explicit and implicit conventions 
about what a successful career looks like, 
what defines a great relationship, how to raise a family, 
and how to live healthily.

Many follow conventions without ever challenging them. 
They climb a ladder they never placed. 
They follow a script they did not write.

A free spirit is different.
“A free spirit is someone who is internally free enough 
to choose their life deliberately and 
brave enough to accept the consequences.”


WHY it matters

Agency
A free spirit strengthens agency 
Higher perceived control increases motivation, 
persistence, and performance under uncertainty 
(Bandura, 1997).

Coherence with What Matters
Living by chosen values increases coherence. 
When behavior aligns with intrinsic goals, well-being and 
sustained motivation rise significantly 
(Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Flexibility & Resilience
Detachment from rigid identity increases adaptability. 
Psychological flexibility improves resilience
(Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).


WHAT to do

1. Awareness & Detachment
List the conventions shaping your career, relationships, 
money, and health. Question each: 
Did I choose this or inherit it?
Principle: See the script

2. Curiosity
Expose yourself to alternative models of success 
and living. Read outside your field. Seek opposing views. 
Curiosity expands possibilities. 
Principle: Expand the frame

3. North Star
Define your core values, long-term ambition, 
and non-negotiables. 
Write a one-page personal constitution. 
Freedom requires direction, not drift. 
Principle: Choose your direction

4. Courage
Act in alignment even when approval declines. 
Make one visible decision that optimizes for meaning 
over optics this year. 
Freedom requires tolerating friction. 
Principle: Accept the cost

5. Discipline
Build systems that protect your autonomy: 
health routines, financial runway, deep work blocks. 
Discipline sustains freedom over time. 
Principle: Protect your freedom
 

FINAL thought
Being a free spirit is not about rebellion. 
It is about authorship.
Not escaping structure but choosing it. 
Not rejecting responsibility but owning it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become 
who you truly are.” Carl Jung

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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Be A Free Spirit

Either / Or:  How to make major life decisions?
A simple question provides the right path. 

Major life decisions. Everyone faces them.  
Do I pursue this career or that career?  
Do I stay in my current job or change?  
Do I engage with this partner or another?  
Do I commit to the relationship?  
Should we get married?  
Should we have children?
  
All of these are major life decisions.
  
Some decisions feel clear; 
Others are far less obvious.  
Because they offer different paths.  
They involve trade-offs. 
Those choices can lead to regret
The regret of an alternative life.
  
I recently came across a beautifully 
simple question for navigating such choices.  
It comes from Søren Kierkegaard in Either/Or:
  
“𝗢𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 
𝘄𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.”
  
 
WHY it matters
  
Clarity
Focusing on intolerable regret simplifies 
complex choices by revealing what truly matters, 
reducing cognitive overload and indecision 
(Iyengar & Lepper, 2000).
  
Commitment
Decisions aligned with deeply held values 
create stronger motivation and persistence  
(Self-Determination Theory; Deci & Ryan, 2000).
  
Life Satisfaction
People who make decisions consistent with 
intrinsic priorities report higher long-term 
life satisfaction and lower regret 
(Schwartz et al., 2002).
  

WHAT to do 
  
1. Imagine Both Futures
Visualize both life paths in vivid detail
career, relationships, daily life, identity. 
Notice which imagined future creates 
deeper excitement or discomfort.
 
2. Identify the Regret
 Ask: ten years from now, which missed path 
would create the heavier regret? 
Regret reveals priorities
  
3. Remove Perfection
Accept that no choice eliminates trade-offs. 
Every meaningful path sacrifices another possibility. 
Life is trade-offs
  
4. Follow Aliveness
Notice which option feels more alive, meaningful, 
or expansive, even if it is harder or riskier. 
Growth usually lives there. 
Energy signals direction
  
5. Commit Fully
Once chosen, stop revisiting the alternative path. 
Invest your energy fully in building the life you selected.
Commitment creates meaning
  

FINAL thought
  
“Life can only be understood backwards; 
but it must be lived forwards.” Søren Kierkegaard
  
  
Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

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Either / Or - Life Decisions

Over the past 30 years, I have built a successful executive coaching practice working with some of the world's most recognized companies.

Most recently, I was coaching C-suite leaders at Cartier, Coca-Cola, CNN, and Progressive Insurance - helping them break through the complexity killing their growth.

But it started very differently.
I was a recovering engineer told by a professor he'd never make it in his field.

So I went and built the most successful sales team in Trane Canada's history instead.

Then one morning I read this in the newspaper:
"The trouble with the rat race is even if you win, you're still a rat."
I was staring at myself in the mirror thinking:
"That's exactly what I'm becoming."

I walked away from everything. Moved to a new country. Started over from zero.
And dedicated my life to one mission:
Inspiring and equipping leaders to live and lead to their fullest.

That's how The Oxley Group began.
And it changed everything.

Now, I help growth-minded CEOs running $100M-$250M businesses stop being the bottleneck in their own company & build something that runs without them.

I call it CEO Freedom.

What I've built since 1993:
→ Founder of The Oxley Group - Executive and Leadership Coaching
→ 1,500+ leaders coached across industries globally
→ 98% of clients improved business performance
→ 99% of clients satisfied with ROI
→ 74 NPS score
→ Author of The Four Faces of Frustration
→ Trained with Bob Proctor, Dan Sullivan, and Michael Hyatt
→ Trusted by Cartier, Coca-Cola, CNN, Progressive Insurance, and more
→ We guarantee our value exceeds your investment or you short-pay the invoice. In 20+ years, no one ever has.

Want to build a business that doesn't rely on you?
Book a free Strategy Roadmap Call
→ Visit transformingresults.com

Other ways we can work together:
✔️ LeaderShift Program  Our flagship 4-month leadership development process tied directly to your business results - DM me "LEADERSHIFT"
✔️ Free 90-Minute Leadership Blueprint Workshop: Live every month, no pitch, just practical tools visit transformingresults.com to register
✔️ Strategic Consulting: For entrepreneur-led companies $25M-$250M ready to scale - DM me to explore fit
✔️ 1:1 Executive Coaching: Limited spots for CEOs ready to do the deep work  DM me "COACHING"
✔️ Book me to Speak: Keynotes on leadership, CEO Freedom, and building cultures that scale  DM me "SPEAKING"
✔️ Read the Book: Search Four Faces of Frustration by Andrew Oxley on Amazon

Andrew Oxley

Unpaid internships shouldn't exist.

After 30 years coaching CEOs, here's why:
Leaders who don't invest in developing people early won't invest later either.

I grew up watching apprenticeships in trades:
Young workers join a master. Get housed. Fed. Trained. 
And when ready? Seed capital or tools to start their own business.

That's investing in people.

Now compare that to corporate internships:
No pay. 
No support. 
No development. 

Just free labor called "experience."

And here's the worst part:
Unpaid internships don't reward merit.
They reward privilege.

The student who can afford to work for free gets the opportunity.
The one who needs to pay rent? They're out.

I coach CEOs running big businesses who complain about talent.

"We can't find good people." 
"Young employees have no work ethic."
Then I ask: "How are you developing them?"
Silence.

If tradespeople can support their apprentices 

Why are billion-dollar companies acting broke?

Interns aren't volunteers.
They're workers in training.

Pay them. Train them. Develop them.
Or don't take them.

Anything less is exploitation dressed as opportunity.

If you believe future talent deserves real investment, ♻️ repost this.
🔔 Follow me Andrew Oxley for more leadership insights.

Executive Coach For Founder/CEO Led Businesses. |1500+ Leaders Coached | Founder, Oxley Group | Aligning Strategy, Leadership & Execution at Scale

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