Negotiation | Consultant & Professor with 30+ years of global experience | Negotiation by Design | Negotiation Institutional Capacity Building | #NegotiationByDesign | Dutiful Advocate to my Clients |

Need to strengthen your negotiation strategy and drive more profitable deals?

As a global negotiation consultant and professor, I help organizations build an Institutional Negotiation Capacity—transforming negotiation into a strategic advantage.

I’ve spent three decades honing my craft—originally sparked by a chance encounter in a negotiation workshop led by Roger Fisher. 

That serendipitous moment ignited my passion for negotiation, and since then I’ve guided executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders at world-renowned institutions like the Kellogg School of Management, McGill University, and Columbia University’s ICCCR.

At Negotiation by Design®, we go beyond surface-level tactics. We embed negotiation into your organizational DNA, cultivating a shared language, continuous learning, and long-term strategic advantage. 

Fluent in Spanish, English, and French, and backed by degrees from Columbia University, DePauw University, and an EMBA from Kellogg, I bring a nuanced global perspective to every client engagement.

My personal life—parenting Mateo and Anabel, exploring trails on my mountain bike, and cooking up a storm—has taught me that the best lessons often arise from unexpected moments. These experiences remind me that true negotiation mastery combines skill, humility, and a human touch.

Together, let’s transform how your organization negotiates—unlocking better deals, stronger relationships, and sustainable results.

Ready to unlock your team’s full potential? 

Click “Connect” or “Message” me now, and let’s explore how I can support you.

Or book a meeting at  https://calendly.com/negotiationbydesign

Pablo Restrepo

Is your negotiation style holding you back?

We all have a default setting at the bargaining table.

But research into social motives, our innate preferences for outcome distribution, suggests one thing:
Relying on a single natural inclination is a strategic liability.

Mastering deals requires shifting between four distinct archetypes.

• The Individualist: 
Primarily focused on maximizing personal gain.
They are forceful and claim value, rather than creating it.

• The Cooperator: 
Driven by mutual results.
They utilize information exchange to grow the pie for all parties.

• The Competitive: 
Motivated by the gap between their outcome and yours.
This win-big mentality often blocks collaborative breakthroughs.

• The Altruist: 
Prioritizes the counterpart’s success.
While noble, it is rare and often risky in professional settings or in high-stakes negotiations.

The real skill is knowing when to switch.
If you start with cooperation, you often find better solutions and higher satisfaction.
But claiming your fair share? That's non-negotiable.

Elite negotiators don't stick to one style.
They see styles as tools, used situationally.
They build value first, then pivot to secure their fair share.

Which style is your default, and when has it failed you?
Let’s discuss in the comments.

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Helping Individuals, Organizations and Governments in Negotiation | 30 + years of Global Experience | Speaker, Consultant, and Professor | Proud Father | Founder of Negotiation by Design |

You never know which small detail will unlock a negotiation.

Years ago, I helped negotiate a merger.
It was between two security companies.
Both provided alarm monitoring.

I focused on the process.
I invited the owner of the other company to dinner.
It was an Italian restaurant.
We shared Italian wine and conversation.

We talked about many things.
Then we shared our passions.
His was playing tennis.
Mine was MTB.

He told me his kids were great tennis players.
He said they could get a scholarship.
However, that would be easier in the USA.
Not in Colombia.

At the time, it seemed unimportant.
It mostly helped build trust.

It took two months to agree on the main conditions.
Then we got stuck on the CEO of the merged company.
Obviously, he wanted the role for himself.
But my client wanted to choose the CEO.

That is when I remembered "that" dinner.
Our strategic plan included opening an operation in Miami.
So the solution became obvious.

We offered him to lead the operation in Miami.
He could move there.
It fit his ambition for his kids.
They could play tennis at school.
And pursue a sports scholarship.

This shows something important.
You do not know what information helps...
... until it becomes useful.

What unexpected detail has helped you unlock a negotiation? 

I'd love it if you share a quick example in the comments.

In negotiation, your “honesty” is often just your ego wanting a microphone.

Most professional and personal damage doesn’t stem from deep-seated betrayal. 

It happens because of impulse. 

It happens the moment your mouth starts warming up, and your brain whispers: “Teach them a lesson.” 

The truth is usually accurate, but it isn’t always useful. 

True influence isn’t about winning a moment. It’s about mastering these 10 tactical pillars. They transform high-stakes conflict into high-value collaboration.

1. Listen to learn: 
Active listening is the most effective strategy. It reduces defensiveness. 
Ask questions to uncover core concerns. 
Repeat back what you heard. 
Confirm understanding before presenting your own view.

2. Multiply the issues: 
Avoid fixating on a single point. 
Price and deadlines are common traps. 
Introduce multiple variables. 
Create room for smart trade-offs. 
Satisfy all parties.

3. Sit on the same side: 
Frame the dispute as a shared puzzle. 
Shift the dynamic from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem”. 
Find better solutions.

4. Label the power play: 
When faced with manipulative behavior, calmly describe it out loud. 
Naming the tactic neutralizes its power. 
Refocus the conversation on the technical solution.

5. Acknowledge the sacred: 
Do not attempt to use “logic” against someone’s core values. 
Validate their deeply held beliefs. 
Do it without necessarily conceding your position. 
Keep the door open.

6. Defang the threat: 
Treat an ultimatum as a temporary lapse in judgment. 
It can also be a cry for help. 
Ignore it once. 
Allow the other party to retreat without losing face.

7. Pivot to the objective: 
When emotions spike, introduce neutral data and facts. 
Objective criteria act as gravity. 
They pull an emotional argument back to solid ground.

8. Find the north star: 
Identify the overarching goals both parties share. 
Think project success or long-term peace. 
Work backward from that shared destination.

9. Sell the gain: 
Reframe your solution to emphasize relationship capital. 
Emphasize what is being gained. 
Do not focus on what is being “given up”.

10. Maintain agility: 
A rigid negotiator is a brittle one. 
Treat your strategy as a flexible draft. 
Adjust your tactics as you learn more. 
Focus on the other side’s true interests.

The next time you are “technically correct” and ready to fire back, pause.

Ask yourself: “Am I trying to advance the conversation, or just win the moment?” 

The answer is the difference between a signed deal and a total disaster.

Trust doesn’t “happen” in negotiations.

It’s built on purpose, or you leave value on the table.

The Program on Negotiation at Harvard shows this clearly.

Without trust, negotiators play defense.
- They hide information.
- They limit concessions.
- They accept smaller deals.
- No trust means “safe” agreements.

With trust, they take smart risks.
- They share information
- They create value.
- Trust makes better agreements possible.

If you need to build trust fast, here are 6 moves that consistently work:
	
• Speak their "language".
Learn their terms, norms, and unspoken rules before you walk in.
	
• Borrow credibility.
Use trusted references, proof of execution, and a visible track record.
	
• Name mutual dependence.
Make it clear what both sides lose if talks fail, without threatening.

• Give a low-risk first concession.
Something cheap for you, meaningful for them, no immediate payback required.

• Label what you gave.
Don’t assume they noticed.
Say what it cost you and why you did it.

• Explain the “why” behind demands.
Constraints ≠ greed.
Context preserves trust.

My go-to line when I need trust quickly:
“Here’s the constraint I can’t change, and where I can be flexible.”

Is there another move you use to build trust fast in negotiations, and why does it work?
Share in the comments; I'd love to learn from your experience.

Six Trust Booster in Negotiation to Better Deals

Your next negotiation starts before you open your mouth.

Pass these filters, and your leverage quietly multiplies.

A simple mental checklist to run before you open your mouth.
Especially when emotions are high.
	
0️⃣ Raw thought (unfiltered)

“What’s the first thing that comes to mind?”

Don’t suppress it.
Notice it.
Don't say it 

This is your signal, not your message.
Raw thoughts are data.
Speaking them unfiltered is a choice.

1️⃣ Intention check

"Why am I about to say this?"

Ask yourself:
	• Am I trying to advance the conversation or win the argument and moment?
	• Am I seeking clarity, or am I venting frustration?
	• Would this move us closer to an agreement, or just feel satisfying?

Negotiation insight:
If you intend to punish, educate, or humiliate, stop and reframe.
	
2️⃣ Choice check

"Does this need to be said, by me, right now?"

Ask yourself:
	• Is this essential to the issue at hand?
	• Can this wait?
	• Is there a better person, moment, or format to say this?

Negotiation insight:
Not everything true is useful.
So do not say it.

Not everything useful is timely.
So do not say it now.
	
3️⃣ Compassion check

"Can I acknowledge how this might land emotionally?"

Ask yourself:
	• What might the other person be feeling right now?
	• How might this trigger defensiveness, fear, or loss of face?
	• Can I soften how I say this without diluting what I say?

Negotiation insight:
You don’t have to agree in order to be respectful.
Tone is a strategic choice.
	
4️⃣ Empathy check

"Can I see this from their side of the table?"

Ask yourself:
	• What story might they be telling themselves?
	• What constraints, pressures, or incentives are shaping their behavior?
	• If I were in their role, what would feel fair?

Negotiation insight:
Understanding their logic does not weaken your position.
It strengthens your influence.
	
5️⃣ Respect and impact check

"Would I be okay hearing this said to me?"

Ask yourself:
	• Will this embarrass them, especially in front of others?
	• Does this attack the problem or the person?

Negotiation insight:
Respect preserves the relationship capital you may need later.

6️⃣ Listening check

"Have I actually listened, or just waited to speak?"

Ask yourself:
	• Did I give them a real chance to explain?
	• Did I test my assumptions?
	• Am I responding to what they said, or to what I think they meant?

Negotiation insight:
Most “difficult people” are reacting to not being heard.

🗣️ Final output: speak, or don’t

Only after passing through these filters do you decide:
	• Say it as-is
	• Say it differently
	• Say it later
	• Don’t say it at all

That decision is a negotiation skill.

The Filter Method for Difficult Conversations

The best gift you can give your Valentine today isn't a box of chocolates. 🍫 

It’s a simple question: "How do you need me to show up right now?" 

In a world of constant pings and notifications, our presence is the rarest currency we have. 
But presence without direction can sometimes miss the mark. 

Next time your partner (or even a teammate) shares a challenge, don't guess. Ask if they need: 

👂HEAR: They just need a safe space to vent. No solutions, no "I told you so," just active listening and validation.  

🤗 HUG: They don't need words at all. They need physical or emotional comfort and the feeling of being supported.  

🆘 HELP: They are looking for a brainstorm partner, a strategy, or a literal hand to solve the problem. 

Why this works: 
  - It eliminates "support friction." 
  - It honors their specific needs over your instinct to "fix." 
  - It turns a standard conversation into a moment of true connection. 

The "full presence" we always talk about in negotiation starts at home. Today, give the gift of being truly seen and heard. 

Happy Valentine’s Day to those celebrating! ❤️ 

How do you prefer to be supported when you're stressed? Let’s hear it in the comments. 👇

When you get a “no” in negotiation, stop persuading...

... and start diagnosing.

Because most negotiators hear "no" and think:
“Let me explain better.”
“Let me convince harder.”
“Let me add pressure.”

That’s not negotiation.
That’s panic with vocabulary.

A “no” is data.
And it usually belongs to one of these 3 buckets:
	

1. Misalignment
They’re saying "no" because you’re missing something fundamental.

A) You’re not meeting their interests/priorities.
Ask: “What’s your #1 priority here?”

B) You’re violating their fairness beliefs.
Ask: “When you say ‘fair’, what standard are you using?”

C) They don’t trust you (intent or delivery).
Ask: “What would make this feel safe to say yes to?”
	

2. Constraints
They’re saying "no" because the system around them blocks a "yes".

A) Real restrictions (budget, policy, timing).
Ask: “What’s truly non-negotiable vs just default?”

B) Better BATNA.
Ask: “If we disappeared, what would you do instead?”

C) Wrong stakeholders.
Ask: “Who can say yes, and who can kill this?”
	

3. Tactics
They’re saying "no" because they’re playing a game.

A) Bluffing.
Say: “Help me understand what makes that final.”

B) Win-lose mindset.
Say: “I don’t trade concessions. I trade value.”

C) Predators/hardball.
Say: “We proceed only with a clear process + everything in writing.”


Your job after a “no” isn’t to be more persuasive.
It’s to be more precise.

Because persuasion without diagnosis is just noise with confidence.

Which “no” do you face most often: misalignment, constraints, or tactics?

Your counterpart said yes.

Their coalition can still say no.

Most deals aren't just between two people.
There's always a crowd behind the scenes.
They can approve, delay, sabotage, or kill the deal quietly.
Even when it looks like a win.

That's why the real game isn't convincing the other side.
It's managing their entire coalition, and your own.

Enter the stakeholder chessboard.
A simple way to stop guessing.

Plot every key person on two questions.
- Do they trust us?
- Do they want and agree with this?

From there, every stakeholder becomes one of five characters, and each requires a different move:

𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀: 
Trust you and want the deal.
Private support is useless if it stays private.
Turn it into visible advocacy.
Give them a role.

𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱:
Are uncommitted and easy to “capture.”
Engage them early.
Use a clear story.
Ask for small commitments.

𝗢𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀:
Trust you, but disagree.
That’s valuable resistance.
Convert it through tradeoffs.
Co-design the path forward.

𝗕𝗲𝗱𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝘀:
Want the outcome but don’t trust you.
The fix isn’t more selling.
It’s de-risking.
Use guardrails, pilots, and fast proof.

𝗔𝗱𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀:
Don’t trust you and don’t want the deal.
Contain them with the process.
Create visibility.
Force constructive dialogue.

But the hidden lever is sequence.
Approach the wrong people first, and you lose momentum.
The story gets written without you.

The order matters:
1. Allies first, to create public support and leverage.
2. Undecided next, capture them before they drift.
3. Opponents then, after you have social proof.
4. Bedfellows, once direction is aligned, to make “yes” safe.
5: Adversaries last, only when you're strong, not desperation.

Signed does not mean done.
The real question is this:
Who is shaping your deal after the meeting ends?

Stakeholder Mapping in Negotiation

“We walk the unmistaken path one mistake at a time.”

That’s basically the learning loop in negotiation.

Because in negotiation, you don’t get “good” by reading frameworks.

You get good by running loops:
Prepare → act → observe → adjust → repeat

And yes, your loops will be messy.

You’ll:
	• Anchor too soft and spend the rest of the deal chasing margin.
	• Talk more than you listen and miss the real interest.
	• Accept a “reasonable” offer that’s worse than your BATNA (ouch).
	• Share information too early… or too late.
	• Confuse confidence with certainty.
	• Win the argument and lose the relationship.

None of that means you’re bad at negotiation.

It means you’re negotiating in the real world.

The problem isn’t making mistakes.

The problem is making mistakes with no feedback system.

So here’s the negotiation learning loop I swear by: Keep it simple, keep it brutal.

After every important conversation, debrief with 4 questions:
	• What did I think was happening… that wasn’t? (My story vs reality)
	• What signal did I miss? (Emotion, power, timing, incentives)
	• What did my counterpart learn about me? (And did I want them to?)
	• What’s my one adjustment for next time? (One, not ten)

That last question is the whole game.

Because negotiation mastery isn’t “being right.”

It’s getting better faster.

One loop at a time.
One mistake at a time.
Until the path looks “unmistaken” from the outside.

What’s the most useful negotiation mistake you’ve made, one you’d never repeat now?

Ever faced a corporate giant and felt your leverage vanish?

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: size isn’t power in negotiation. Alternatives are.

Your BATNA is your backbone, and their BATNA is often far weaker than they want you to believe.

Take my client, "PackCo" (name changed to protect confidentiality). They supply plastic bottles to PepsiCo.

One day, an email hits the inbox:

“We’re rolling out a 5% cost-reduction program. Please revise pricing accordingly.”

Inside PackCo, panic. 

PepsiCo represented 90% of the plant’s volume. A 5% cut would wipe out EBITDA. Losing the account could shut the factory. 

The team felt trapped, because they only stared at their downside.

Then we asked one question that changed everything:
What can they do if they can’t reach an agreement with you?

In my article below, I tell the rest of the story, and I break down four practical moves backed by Harvard’s Program on Negotiation: 

- Mapping dual BATNAs
- Reality-testing theirs
- Upgrading and signaling your BATNA
- Counter-anchoring with value instead of price

Next time a Goliath emails first, don't negotiate from a place of fear.

Negotiate from your alternatives.

Because if you don't, they always win.

Ever stared up at a corporate “giant” and felt your knees wobble? Relax: bulk doesn’t buy bargaining power; alternatives do. If the other side can’t w

In Negotiations, Size Doesn’t Equal Power. Your BATNA Does

Better metrics do more than track a deal... 

... they build the negotiator.

If you aren’t measuring the right variables in negotiation, you aren’t truly improving; you’re just repeating the same habits with different counterparts.

High-level skill acquisition requires a learning loop, as Professor Leigh Thompson suggests.

Without metrics, your post-game review is an anecdote.

With them, it becomes institutional capability.

Use these three pillars to sharpen your edge:
	
1. Substantive metrics (the “What”)
  • Analyze ex post: Measure final price, volume, and terms.
   • The optimization: Measure against your aspiration point, not just your “walk-away” price.

2. Relationship metrics (the “Who”)
  • During the deal: Is there enough trust for high-level information sharing?
  • After the deal: Is the bond strong enough to ensure smooth implementation?
  • A “win” that leaves resentment is a long-term liability, not a victory.

3. Process metrics (the “How”)
  • Real-time indicators: Are you anchoring effectively and asking open-ended questions?
  • The benefit: Process metrics allow you to pivot during the session, preventing suboptimal agreements.

When you track the Process and Relationship alongside Substance, you transform negotiation from a “soft skill” into hard institutional muscle.

Stop settling for outcomes you can’t explain. Start measuring what you can control.

When you review a negotiation, do you measure these three metrics, only two of them, or just the substantive outcome? Let me know in the comments

The Smart Negotiator's Scorecard

Ever had a deal collapse because the other side was being “irrational”?

It’s tempting to walk away and blame their ego.

But in 2026, top-tier negotiators know “winning” against a biased counterpart is a myth.

If they can’t see the value, you both lose.

The real power move?

Don’t exploit their bias, neutralize it.

Here are 3 ways to “debias” your counterpart and save the deal:
	
1.	Kill the “fixed-pie” myth
Most people default to believing that for them to win, you must lose.
This “mythical fixed-pie” stops them from exploring tradeoffs.

The fix: Don’t argue over one slice, like price.
- Introduce multiple issues at once: delivery speed, payment terms, exclusivity, etc.
- This forces the brain to shift from “competing” to “problem-solving.”
	
2.	Use “irrationality” to build contingent agreements
If they are overconfident about a future outcome, don’t try to prove them wrong.

Use it.

Example: “Our sales will double by Q4!”

The fix: Propose a “bet” inside the contract.
- “If sales double, we pay X.”
- “If they don’t, we pay Y.”

This bypasses the bias.
Both sides feel they’ve won on their own estimates.

3.	Give them “thinking space.”
Biases like escalation of commitment and egocentrism thrive under pressure.
A forced fast decision often triggers a defensive “No.”
Not a rational choice.

The fix: After a strong proposal, encourage 24 hours to review it.
- Suggest they get an “outsider’s perspective.”
- This lowers the heat.
- It helps their rational “System 2” thinking kick in.

The bottom line: A biased negotiator is an uncreative negotiator.

Your goal isn’t to be the smartest person in the room.

It’s to help the other side be smart enough to say “Yes.”

Which negotiation bias do you find most frustrating to deal with? 
Let’s discuss in the comments.

Three ways to "debias" an irrational negotiator

An engineering executive with 20 years of experience in product management &amp; development, marketing, supply chain and strategic transformation. An intrapreneur with expertise leading multi-disciplinary teams, direct and indirect, local and international, to deliver innovative programs in the aerospace and high-tech spaces.Experience driving innovative programs in electric propulsion, Part 25 aircraft development and aircraft interiors at companies such as Bombardier Aerospace and CAE Inc.Adept at presenting program updates to CEO/EMC level audiences.Stella’s work has been featured in various industry and pop culture publications both locally and internationally, such as:-	Urbania, a French language media group, co-featured by Aero-Montrealhttps://urbania.ca/video/portrait-eclair-stella-filippatos-et-lavion-du-futur-	Flight Global International, the global aviation network’s news source https://www.flightglobal.com/aerospace/how-stella-filippatos-is-helping-cae-to-go-electric-while-inspiring-future-engineers/159671.articleStella is an Elevate Aviation 2025 Inspire Award recipient. Elevate Aviation is a 10-year-old non-profit organization that has become a powerful force for change in the aviation industry.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdro_gVVBfAA board member of Women in Aviation - Canada, with a large international network in Aerospace and Tech Industries.Stella is frequently called upon for: -	Speaking engagements for young professionals and women in STEM -	Joining non-profit boards 

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