Non-wanky SEO and SEO Content. They say you can't know Technical SEO AND copywriting - I can. And do.

You're probably only here to see what type of person uses the word 'wanky' in a business profile, and that's OK.

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I help B2B business owners get found on Google with non-wanky SEO. Because there's a lot of wanky SEO advice out there. I explain it in proper English, I don't promise miracles, and I won't try to sell you a course on optimising for traffic sources that account for less than 1% of your visitors.

If you're fed up with SEO advice that makes your brain hurt, I've spent 30 years learning what works and what's complete bollocks. While everyone else is losing their minds over AI search or "GEO" , I'm over here focusing on the stuff that brings in actual traffic and actual enquiries..

WHAT I OFFER:

♦️On-page and technical SEO for businesses that need to show up in Google searches that matter. From £750

♦️SEO copywriting for websites and blogs. The kind that brings in leads, not just people who click away after three seconds. From £450

♦️The Non-Wanky SEO Course (£750, payment schedules available) if you want to learn this stuff properly without someone talking at you like you're five.

♦️The Non-Wanky On-Page SEO Toolkit (£200, payment schedules available) for the quick wins you can sort out yourself.

♦️The SEO Fucking What? Newsletter - weekly -  and Podcast, where I spend 15 minutes a week ranting about whatever's currently annoying me in the SEO world (and telling you what to do instead). Free.

WHAT I WON'T DO:

♦️Promise you'll be ranking number one by next Tuesday.

♦️Charge you hundreds for tactics I could explain in ten minutes.

♦️Talk in jargon when normal words exist.

♦️Take your money if I don't think I can help.

My mornings start with SE Ranking and Google Search Console, because guessing is for people who like wasting money, and data is where the insights come from.

I've been doing this since before SEO was even called SEO, and I can tell you what drives traffic versus what gets sold in flashy courses that cost £3000.

Whether you need someone to sort out your SEO, want to learn it yourself, or just need to know why Google's ignoring your website, drop me a message.

Fair warning: if you don't need my help, I'll tell you that too.

Nikki Pilkington

Website Owner: "We made the URLs more SEO friendly."

Me: "How?"

Website Owner: "Changed them from stuff like /page123 to proper words. /services, /about-us, that kind of thing."

Me: "Good idea. Where do the old URLs redirect to?"

Website Owner: "What do you mean?"

Me: "If someone clicks an old link, or Google tries to crawl the old URLs, where do they go?"

Website Owner: "They'd go to the old page."

Me: "The old page doesn't exist anymore. You changed the URLs."

Website Owner: "..."

Me: "So they go nowhere?"

Website Owner: "I suppose."

Me: "Every backlink you've ever earned. Every page Google had indexed. Every link from your social posts. All pointing to pages that don't exist."

Website Owner: "But the new URLs are better."

Me: "..."

#SEOFuckUps2026

non-wanky SEO. Yes, non-wanky. Yes, I know - it’s OK if I’m not for you. Thanks.

Me: "What happened to your website?"

Website Owner: "My nephew made some updates."

Me: "What kind of updates?"

Website Owner: "He knows about websites. Does it at college."

Me: "What did he change?"

Website Owner: "Just tidied a few things up."

Me: "Your H1s are gone. Your meta titles all say 'Home.' Half your pages are returning 404s. And your site's running on a theme from 2014."

Website Owner: "He said it looked better."

Me: "You've lost 60% of your traffic."

Website Owner: "He only charged us fifty quid."

Me: "..."


#SEOFuckUps2026

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

...

RIGHT?

#LinkedInFuckups2026

Website Owner: "We deleted our case studies."

Me: "Why?"

Website Owner: "They were a few years old. Made us look outdated."

Me: "How many?"

Website Owner: "Twelve of them."

Me: "Were they ranking for anything?"

Website Owner: "I don't know. Maybe?"

Me: "Did you check before you deleted them?"

Website Owner: "..."

Me: "Did you redirect them to anything?"

Website Owner: "No, they're just gone."

Me: "So twelve pages of real project examples, with client names, locations, and industry terms that Google loved..."

Website Owner: "Gone."

Me: "Because the dates looked old."

Website Owner: "We were going to write new ones."

Me: "When?"

Website Owner: "..."

#SEOFuckUps2026

Some people really don't like women, do they?

Someone (who shall remain un-named unless he wants to out himself) put one of my LinkedIn posts into an AI system and asked it if it was written by AI or human. 

Obviously (thankfully!) it said it was human. 

I tried it myself - put the same post he mentioned into ChatGPT to see what it said. 

It said the things that made my post human were:

1) Consistently strong voice and personality
2) Messy, uneven rhythm
3) Specific, unglamorous metaphors
4) Genuine motive mixed with mild self-sabotage*
5) Tone consistency with personality, not “brand voice”

My un-named "checker of posts to see if they're AI but not in a bad way" then tried to get AI to use the things it had said made my post human to write him a similar (he used the word copy, I'm being nice) post - and it couldn't. In his words, "it was bad".

And honestly, I should probably be annoyed by the fact he even bothered checking in the first place, and should definitely be annoyed by him trying to use my post to get one of his own, but I just find the whole thing kind of amusing. 

Because if AI can't copy me, and people feel the need to try to copy me, then I guess I'm doing something right, right?



*Genuine Motive Mixed With Mild Self-Sabotage is going to be the title of my autobiography one day.

I can't tag the person involved as he has blocked me, and even naming him made LinkedIn remove the post as harassment, so, you wonderful people will have to comment or DM me to find out who it is.

Please DON'T tell any one that the person I am speaking about is an idiotic plagiarist who copied every word of at least 2 of my posts (I mean who leaves the hashtag that only I'm using in the post FFS?).

Oh, and also, DON'T think that him pouting and blocking me because I refused his connection request is a bit childish.

Oh, and then writing a post about me, thinking no-one would send it to me - DON'T automatically assume that he's a bit of a twit. (I do see the irony, yes.) 

Oh, and as I don't use AI to write my LinkedIn posts, DON'T assume that him claiming that he got the exact same words because we both used AI is a lie, because it must be possible for that to happen (it's not).

Oh, and DON'T think anyone is a coward for deleting his plagiarised posts, especially not him.

(Finally, and I'm serious here - FEEL FREE to think I am stupid in so very many ways, but please DON'T ever, ever call me a fucking guru.)

#LinkedInFuckups2026
#SEOFuckups2026
#StupidSEOGurus

P.S. Probably best NOT to repost this, or click the hashtags above to find out who it is.

Did you make your whole site password protected "just while we made a few updates"?

For six weeks?

Google tried to crawl your site. Got a login page. Assumed your site was gone. Dropped your pages from the index.

The updates look great though.

#SEOFuckUps2026

Did you add pop-ups to every page to "capture more leads" and now your site takes 12 seconds to load?

Google stopped waiting after 3 seconds. So did your visitors.

But hey, at least that newsletter sign-up box nobody wanted is working great.

#SEOFuckUps2026

Google chaos (again zzz), pages that earn nothing but still matter, and the GEO rant that made a few people uncomfortable.

Hey hey! Google's been having another wobbly week. Rankings jumping around, visibility shifting, the usual chaos that happens more often than not thes

Open article: Google wobbles, zero-traffic pages, and why I'm disappointed in SEOs by Nikki Pilkington • 3 min read

Google wobbles, zero-traffic pages, and why I'm disappointed in SEOs

"You know what Google needs? To be a different colour. Not better documentation for website owners. Not AI results in GSC, oh no, not those useful things.  Colour options, that's what we want."

said no-one ever...

Open article: Google Search - Add Splash Of Color by f.mtr.cool

Christian Pratt

The Marketing Meetup

I organise The Marketing Meetup in Cambridge (ably assisted by Jon Torrens, Baz Richardson, Chris Measures, Guy Smith and Paul Lewis) so that Joe Glover can have a bit of a breather. 🙂

Join us and the wider TMM community for positively lovely marketing events throughout the year.

Organiser and host - Cambridge

The Clarity Company

I help organisations meet their commercial and operational objectives by improving their marketing and communications.

Most organisations manage to advertise their existence, find customers and make their numbers. But what if those numbers were more by chance than design? And how much more successful could they be if they had a plan – a design – informed by their mission, and built around their expertise and audiences? 

Progress by design, rather than by chance. Doesn’t that sound better?

With a focus on relevant and realistic outcomes, I help you step back from chance and move forward by design. By shaping strategies and building integrated plans that target your aims and emphasise your expertise, you can start doing the right things, well.

✅ If that makes sense and sounds appealing, let’s talk…


💡 Useful to know: help comes in many forms, such as:

❊ Market insights – how well do you actually know your customers’ needs and your competitors’ strengths?

❊ Crafting joined-up communications – messages that make sense and branding that stands out

❊ Starting conversations within the organisation – listening and talking to your stakeholders and staff
.

Business-centric marketing and communications consultancy for SMEs

The Watercress Line

Voluntary work with the CEO and her marketing team to support The Watercress Line and their fundraising campaigns. 🚂

Business and Communications Consultancy

Supporting The Marketing Meetup community in Cambridge by organising and hosting networking events for senior marketers.
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Volunteer event organiser and host

Cambridge Enterprise

Innovation and commercialisation – Cambridge Enterprise supports the translation of the University of Cambridge’s research to create globally-leading economic and social impact.

I was accountable for marketing insight, strategy and planning (including campaigns and branding) and responsible for all communications and public relations, including crisis communications, internal communications and corporate reputation. I was a member of the senior leadership team, a department head, and a line manager with a team of six.


⦿ Defined and launched the company's brand from scratch: reviewed the mission, defined the corporate values, shaped the proposition, created the visual identity and developed a style guide.

⦿ Planned and implemented a customer-centric orientation to emphasise the mission and increase engagement.

⦿ Improved the customer journey by integrating the marketing tech stack; implemented a new CRM, overhauled and rebranded the website, added cloud-based self-service tools.

⦿ Created bespoke digital content and a portfolio of newsletters, growing email subscriptions.

⦿ Used social media to generate inbound enquiries; shared pre-sales content, promoted customers’ successes, and supported peer organisations.

⦿ Migrated from printed collateral to digital content and resources, including client-centric videos, infographics, newsletters and annual reviews.

⦿ Organised and hosted the all-staff monthly meetings. Worked with the CEO and Head of HR to manage internal briefings during lockdown and the shift to hybrid working. Launched an intranet.

⦿ Platforms' experience includes Microsoft 365, SharePoint, Microsoft Dynamics, ClickDimensions, PowerBI, WordPress, LinkedIn, Flickr, 𝕏 and YouTube.
.

Head of Marketing and Communications

Freelance

Enabling organisations to improve their results and meet their commercial objectives by helping them develop and implement more effective business-led marketing and communications strategies.

I delivered consultancy projects for clients across a variety of sectors, including heritage, travel, leisure and marketing services.
.

Marketing & Communications Consultancy

Imperial War Museums

Part of Imperial War Museums, IWM Duxford is one of the world’s finest aviation museums and a leading UK visitor attraction. Leading all marketing and communications, press and public relations. I was responsible for delivering museum footfall, events and air show visitor numbers, ticket sales and admission revenues. A member of the executive team, I contributed to the strategic and operational management of the museum and the wider estate.


⦿ Delivered on-target revenues and admissions footfall (2010-15) by aligning advertising to audience segments and tailoring messages to channels.

⦿ Grew air show pre-booked sales from 24% to 33%, and corresponding revenues by 27%.

⦿ Increased digital engagement by 120% in two years by integrating cross-channel communications.

⦿ With the Royal Air Force, United States Air Force, Boeing, Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grumman, devised STEM programmes to meet shared engagement objectives.

⦿ Collaborated with regional partners, including Enjoy England, English Heritage, and the National Trust, to build awareness and increase footfall.

⦿ Implemented a new corporate brand. Briefed staff, agencies and suppliers, developed new creative and campaigns, and updated all media, print, collateral and estate signage.

⦿ Achieved cost savings of £20,000 through the restructuring of the marketing and public relations teams in response to shifting business objectives and a reduction in funding.
.

Head of Marketing, IWM Duxford

Together with the brief for marketing, communications and public relations, I was responsible for delivering commercial revenues through the development of IWM Duxford's portfolio of commercial activities, including conferencing, hospitality, events, filming, site hire, licensed sales and business development.


⦿ Grew commercial income by 35% (2007-10) through the growth of corporate hospitality, site hire, filming and licensed sales.

⦿ Launched a major new regional conference centre and corporate events venue.

⦿ Enjoy England Gold Award – Large Visitor Attraction of the Year, 2008.

⦿ National Lottery Awards – Best Education Project, 2008.
.

Head of Commercial Services, IWM Duxford

Avis Europe

Fleet Marketing Manager

Frank R Pratt Ltd

Marketing Consultant

ATOC - now Rail Delivery Group

ATOC is the UK passenger railways’ trade association. I led a newly-enlarged team that delivered marketing, sales and retail management for the Railcards and BritRail portfolios, National Rail retail support, operational standards and branding on behalf of the train companies. ATOC was incorporated into Rail Delivery Group in 2016.

Head of Marketing

Railcards & International Marketing Manager

Railcards Product Manager

I'm a multi-skilled business-focused marketing and communications leader. I help organisations meet their commercial and operational objectives by improving their marketing and communications.

Want to know more? 🤔


✅  I work with boards and leadership teams to realise business opportunities and generate growth

✅  I turn objectives into strategies, business plans into branded campaigns, tactics into results and outcomes

✅  I improve effectiveness and ROI by embedding customer-centric best practice througout the organisation

✅  I use communications to improve understanding and engagement among staff, stakeholders and customers

✅  Consultancy, a project or a fixed term contract - I fit around the needs of the organisation



MY SUPERPOWERS

⚡️ Analytical and solution-oriented – I unpick complexity to get to the heart of the matter

⚡️ Executing strategies, integrating processes – campaign implementation, done properly

⚡️ Leads teams, builds communities – listens, engages, counsels. Inclusive of people and ideas

⚡️ Effective communications; the right narrative, channels and timing – both external and internal

⚡️ Corporate influence and affairs – amplifying the brand, building trust, managing reputations

⚡️ Operational excellence: accountable for budgets, recruitment, line management, and supplier selection



🙋‍♂️ Fancy connecting? Add a personal note and ask away...

The Marketing Enthusiast - consultancy & advice for SMEs

Enabling small and medium-size enterprises to boost their strategic confidence and improve their tactical performance by exploring, choosing and implementing high-quality marketing and communications solutions. 

*  Making sense of corporate and marketing objectives

*  Market insights: exploring segmentation and targeting

*  Strategy development: choosing what to do and what not to do

*  Tactical audits: product, price, place and promotion

*  Joining the integrated marketing communications’ dots, including branding and messaging

*  Internal communications: how, when and where to listen to and talk with colleagues and stakeholders

*  Practical business support: facilitating, advising and mentoring

taplio

The Battle

Nikki Pilkington

Christian Pratt

Followers

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taplio

The Battle

Nikki Pilkington

Christian Pratt

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Nikki Pilkington's LinkedIn Performance

Ready to grow your LinkedIn presence?

Performance ScoreNikki Pilkington's LinkedIn Performance