Career, Business & Executive Coach | Mindset & Mental Fitness Coach | DISC® Certified | Mentor

On paper, things are going well.
Day to day, it feels harder.

Revenue is coming in.
The team is bigger than it used to be. 
The business is clearly working.

But decisions feel heavier. 
Everything still lands on you. And it is harder to stay out of the weeds.

You have the same job title. Founder. Business owner. CEO.
But the job itself has quietly changed.

What used to work does not work in the same way anymore.

• operations are more complex 
• people issues take up more space 
• decisions are more interconnected

So you keep jumping in and sorting things out the way you always have.
It takes more time. More energy. More of you than it used to.

At the same time, the business is no longer a small startup. 
And it now needs something different from you.

This is a phase many founders hit as the business grows.

It shows up when the business grows, but decisions, ownership, and responsibility still sit with you.

I have seen this pattern repeatedly across my career. 
In startups. In large organisations. And in my own business.

Each time the team grew, the role demanded more.

That transition is where my work focuses:

- how decisions are being made day to day, and why they keep landing back with you
- where ownership really sits in the team (not just on paper)
- what deserves your time now - and what no longer should

Every business at this stage looks different.

The team, the context, the pressures, and the founder’s role are never the same.

That’s why this work is always one to one. 
No cohorts, templates, or fixed programmes.

We work on what is actually happening in your business, and what leadership needs to look like at this stage.

Outcomes my clients experience include:

• simplified operations and clearer priorities 
• avoided or corrected costly team decisions 
• fewer decisions landing back with the founder 
• stronger ownership and accountability in the team 
• stepping out of firefighting and regaining thinking time 
• highly reduced stress at work and at home

Clients often tell me I make complex situations feel simpler and create the space they need to think clearly and make decisions they trust.

My background:

-	30 plus years in leadership roles 
-	Experience across startups and large organisations 
-	Responsibility for people, HR, operations, and sales 

> CIPD in HR Management
> Certified, ICF accredited coach
> Performance & Neuroscience Coaching
> Positive Intelligence Coaching & DISC

☎️ If you are ready to regain control of your business, you can DM or book a 30-minute consultation via the link in my profile.

Monica Federico

It's hard because it's new. 
Not because you can't do it.

When your team was small, you could solve most problems yourself.

That was the right move then.

Now the team's bigger. 
And that habit doesn't scale.

What used to make you effective is now creating a bottleneck.

The work now is different:

🛑 Stop jumping in to fix things 
↳ Start asking "what would you do?"

🛑 Stop holding all the context 
↳ Start documenting decisions and why they were made

🛑 Stop being the only problem solver 
↳ Start coaching people through their own solutions

🛑 Stop saying yes to every meeting 
↳ Start protecting time to think and plan

🛑 Stop carrying everything in your head 
↳ Start creating systems others can follow

You're not failing at leadership.

You're just stuck using habits built for a team of 5 on a team of 25.

The business has changed.
Your habits can too.

You've already grown the business this far.
You can grow into this next stage.

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Helping founders regain control as their business grows and leadership becomes more demanding | Performance Coaching | ICF Accredited Neuroscience Coach

More hours won't save you.
Better boundaries will.

"I just need more than 24 hours in a day."

I hear this from almost every client I work with.
And I used to say it myself.

But after years of working with leaders under pressure, I've stopped believing it's a time problem.
It's an attention problem.

Because time isn't disappearing.
It's being absorbed.

By decisions that shouldn't need you.
By conversations that drain more than they deliver.
By the habit of staying involved in everything (just in case).

And there's a law for this.
Parkinson's Law: work expands to fill the time available.

Give a task an hour, it takes an hour.
Give it a day, it finds a way to fill it.

The leaders who seem to have time for everything aren't working more.

They're protecting what they have by removing what doesn't belong there.

Not adding. Removing.

That's what these 9 boundaries are really about.
Not a productivity system.
Just a cleaner, clearer way of working.

I started with two.
Number 9 was the hardest, and changed everything else.

Which one would make the biggest difference for you this coming week?
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Founders & business owners (10-100) → regain clarity & control as the team grows | 1:1 Leadership & Performance Coach | ICF Accredited Neuroscience Coach

I used to think managing emotions at work meant not losing your temper. That was it. 
Keep a lid on it and you're fine.

But that's not where emotions do the most damage.

The real cost comes from the ones you don't notice.

⊙ Being helpful to the point of overload.
↳ That's not generosity. It's a need to be liked.

⊙ The need to stay involved in everything.
↳ That's not a personality trait. It's fear - fear of losing control, or fear of judgement if something isn't perfect.

⊙ Avoiding a difficult conversation with someone who's creating problems.
↳ That's not being measured. It's discomfort dressed up as patience.

These aren't character flaws.
They're emotional responses that became habits.

And habits feel normal.
That's the problem.

Most of us don't struggle with the obvious emotional moments.
We struggle with the ones that look like work style, leadership preference, or "just how I operate."

Winning isn't just about staying calm when things blow up.

It's knowing which of your daily habits are actually emotions in disguise.

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Your brain runs your business. 
Not your strategy. Not your systems. 
Your brain.

I had a week full of life admin, the kind that clutters your head and leaves little space for anything else.

It reminded me of something worth sharing.

When our brain chemistry takes a hit, everything else follows.

Low dopamine and our drive goes flat.
Low serotonin and decisions get murky.
Low oxytocin and our team relationships start to fray.
Low endorphins and stress just compounds.

The problem is that modern founder life quietly attacks all four.

Constant phone use. 
Working alone. 
Rarely moving. 
Not enough sleep.

None of it seems much of a problem. 
All of it is cumulative.

The fix isn't complicated. 
But it does require you to treat your brain like the operational asset it actually is.

This weekend I'm making a point of walking outside, putting the phone down, and sleeping more.

What are you up to this weekend?
(Image credit: Tj Power)
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"I never saw it coming."
But looking back, I wasn't really looking.

I had a high-performing sales manager. 
Numbers were strong. 
The team was running well. 

So I focused my attention elsewhere - on the departments that needed me more.

What I didn't know was that he'd already done the maths.
To reach the salary he wanted, staying would have taken years. Moving industry would get him there faster. 

By the time I found out, the decision was made.
I couldn't have stopped it.

But I might have seen it coming, if only I'd stayed in the conversation.

That's the part I got wrong. 
The silence I mistook for satisfaction.

In corporate, losing a high performer is painful but manageable. There are pipelines, succession plans, and structures that absorb the hit.

In an SME, there's none of that. 
The impact is immediate.

And you have fewer tools to keep people. 
No quick promotion ladder to offer. 
No big brand to lean on.

What you do have is the relationship. 
The conversations. 
The attention you pay to the people who are quietly holding things together.

When you stop, they notice. 
Even if they never say it.

You don't always lose them because you're doing something wrong.

Sometimes you lose them because you stopped doing something right.

When did you last give them a reason to stay?
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I once had a manager who coached me not to micromanage. They were one of the worst micromanagers I'd ever worked for.

Here's the thing about micromanaging:

Most people who do it don't realise they're doing it.

They're not power-hungry. 
They're not bad leaders.
They just never had a good example of what it looks like to actually empower a team.

When I look back at my early career, almost every manager I had was a micromanager in some form. 

The only reason they quickly eased off me was because I was proactive. 
I communicated before they had to chase. 
I stood my ground and delivered.

But the ones that really stuck with me?
The managers who genuinely believed they weren't micromanaging (and actively coached others not to do it) while doing it themselves the whole time.

Those are the hardest to spot. 
And the most frustrating to work under.

The truth is, most of us have picked up habits from leaders who didn't know any better either.

So this isn't about pointing fingers.
It's about checking in with yourself.

Are any of these 7 behaviours showing up in how you lead,without you noticing?

Because the gap between "I trust my team" and what your team actually experiences can be wider than you think.

Worth a quiet look. 👇
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If you’re only managing underperformance, 
you’re already late.

And most guides on managing underperformance stop too early.

They end at:
Make a decision.
Document it.
Move on.

That’s convenient.
And it’s usually wrong.

The most important step comes after everything else.

Step 15: What did you do to create the conditions for this outcome?

Because if we skip this part, the pattern repeats.

You hire someone.
They underperform.
You manage them out.
You replace them.
Same result.

At that point, it’s unlikely to be coincidence.

Often it’s:

 • Expectations that were never truly clear
 • Feedback that arrived months too late
 • A hard conversation avoided for “later”
 • A role designed for speed, not fit
 • Hiring to relieve pressure, not solve the problem

This is about pattern recognition.

Good leaders don’t just manage performance.
They examine the environment they created around it.

The full framework is in the infographic below.

But step 15 is the one that stops you making the same mistake twice.

Have a great week!
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Hiring smart people means nothing
if you don't let them lead.

Most founders and leaders I work with have hired well.

Sharp people. 
Strong track record. 
Real capability.

But then they hover.

They jump in before the person has had a chance to figure it out.
They course-correct before anything's gone wrong.
They answer questions that were never actually asked of them.

And they wonder why their team keeps coming back to them for everything.

It's not a hiring problem.

It's a letting go problem.

Bringing in smart people and then managing every move they make isn't leadership. It's expensive supervision.

The shift that changes things is simple, but not easy.

You stop being the answer.
You start asking better questions.
You create space for your team not just to execute the task but to own the outcome. 

That's when the business stops running through you.
And starts running without you needing to be in every room.

You hired them for a reason.
Trust the hire.

---

If this is something you're sitting with, I'm happy to have a conversation.
DM me or book a 30-minute call via the link in my profile.

Your team might read your company values once.
But they watch you every day.

They notice when the 1-2-1 gets cancelled.
Again.

They notice when we say "my door is always open"...
then rush every conversation.

They notice when deadlines slip for us but not for them.

We can write "integrity" on the wall.
We can open every meeting talking about our values.
It won't matter if our behaviour tells a different story.

Because our teams are already collecting evidence.
Every small action either confirms or contradicts what we've said.

Here's two things worth checking this week:

1) Pick one value you talk about. 
↳What would your team have seen from you in the last month that proves it?

2) Look at your calendar. 
↳ Does how you spend your time match what you say matters?
That's where culture actually lives.

The good news is that behaviour can change.
And when it does, your team notices that too.

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"I just don't feel it." A founder said this to me recently.
Quietly. Almost apologetically.
They'd been told they lacked empathy.

But they didn't know what to do with that feedback.

They're not unkind.
They're logical and practical. Wired to solve.
When someone gets emotional, their instinct is to fix it.

Not because they don't care.
Because fixing is how they've always cared.

For some leaders, that pattern goes back a long way.

Logic was the survival skill. 
Feelings weren't safe or useful.

So they built a career on thinking clearly, staying rational, and getting things done.

And now someone's telling them that's not enough.

Here's the thing most people won't say out loud:

Empathy isn't one-size-fits-all.

Some leaders feel too much: they absorb everything and lose themselves in it.
Others feel very little: they stay rational but miss what's happening around them.

Neither extreme serves you well.

But here's the reframe that changes everything for the hyper-rational leader:

Empathy isn't feeling what they feel.

It's about creating a non-judgemental space so they can feel it safely.

And allowing yourself the space to see another perspective.

You don't need to become emotional.
You need to stop rushing past the emotion.
That's it.

I call it the SPACE Framework , because that's exactly what it does.

It gives you a way to create space for someone else's experience without losing your own footing.

For leaders who think more than they feel:

S — Stop the impulse
P — Presence before progress
A — Acknowledge their experience
C — Curiosity before conclusions
E — Energy boundaries

Empathy isn't a just a personality trait.
It's a key life and business skill.

And like every other skill, you can learn it
without pretending to be someone you're not.

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The hardest workers are often the biggest bottlenecks.

Not because they lack skills or talent.
Because they can't stop doing everything themselves.

More hours.
More involvement.
More personal responsibility.

It feels like leadership.

It's not.

It's the thing that keeps everything stuck.

Here's the pattern👇🏼

↳ The team grows. 
↳ Revenue comes in. 
↳ On paper, things are working.

But every decision still ends up with one person.
Every problem still gets escalated.
Every week feels heavier than the last.

And they think the answer is to push harder.
It's not.

The answer is to look at the beliefs running underneath.

There are 7 beliefs that sound reasonable, but quietly turn capable leaders into bottlenecks.

1. "It's quicker if I just do it myself."
Today, yes. But every task you take back trains your team to wait.

2. "No one can handle this like I can."
Then you'll never stop doing it. You become the ceiling.

3. "I just need to push through this phase."
This phase has been going on for how long now?

4. "I have to be available all the time."
Constant access teaches people to check with you instead of decide.

5. "More hours means more progress."
Tired leaders make slower decisions and miss things.

6. "If something breaks, it's my fault."
So you jump in, and everyone else stops catching it.

7. "Stepping back means I'm not adding value."
Busy feels useful. But it keeps you trapped in the weeds.

These patterns that made sense when the team was smaller.

But what got you here won't get you to the next level.

The leaders who scale aren't the ones who work hardest.

They're the ones who learn to think differently about where they add value.
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If you run a business and have a team…
This is what will make you a great leader 👇

When people talk about EQ, emotional intelligence, they usually mean one thing:

Be nicer. Show more empathy. Stop being so tough.

And for some leaders, that's exactly right.

I work with leaders where EQ is about becoming more curious, listening better, and yes, being a bit... nicer.☺️

But here's what nobody talks about:
EQ works both ways.

If you're naturally empathic, the problem isn't a lack of empathy.
It can be too much of it in the wrong places.

Too much empathy can look like:
→ Saying yes when you should say no
→ Absorbing everyone's stress
→ Dodging difficult conversations to keep the peace
→ Taking work back because it feels easier than giving honest feedback

Over time, that quietly turns into:
↳ People-pleasing disguised as leadership
↳ Poor boundaries disguised as being supportive
↳ Low team accountability disguised as being understanding

It means you care.
But caring without boundaries isn't leadership.
It's self-sacrifice.

Real EQ is also:
→ Saying no without guilt
→ Letting someone struggle instead of rescuing them
→ Protecting your own capacity so you can actually lead
→ Holding the hard conversation because you respect someone enough to be honest

The tough leader needs to develop empathy.
The empathic leader needs to develop boundaries.

Both are emotional intelligence.

The one we need to work on is the one that doesn't come naturally.
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We all want to be liked and be in control.

But in leadership is a trap.

Here's the uncomfortable truth I see again and again:

👉🏼 Sometimes we allow constant interruptions from our team because they serve a deeper purpose.

They make us feel essential.
Irreplaceable.
Still in control.

I watch this pattern play out everywhere:

→ The leader who says they want fewer meetings.
↳ Then responds to every Slack message within minutes.

→ The founder who talks about needing deep work time.
↳ Then jumps into every decision "just to make sure it's right."

→ The MD who's exhausted from being pulled in all directions.
↳But still reviews every email before anyone hits send.

This isn't really about poor time management.
It's about identity.

For years, being the go-to person was your superpower.

- Being needed meant you were valuable.
- Being in control meant things got done right.

But at some point, that superpower became a cage.

The busier we are, the more important we feel.
The more people depend on us, the more we matter.

Except now the thing that once drove our success is driving us into the ground.

Setting boundaries isn't just about protecting time.
It's about reimagining what makes us valuable.

Change happens when we realise: 

Our real value isn't in being everywhere.

It's in building something that works without us being everywhere.

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Your performance review process should be consistent. 
Your approach should not.

Six reviews in one week.

When you'd rather just get on with it, it's easy to have the same conversation with everyone and get through the list.

And if some of those conversations feel awkward, it's probably because feedback hasn't been happening along the way. 

A performance review shouldn't be the first time someone hears something important.

Before you walk into any of those rooms, stop and ask: 
where does this person actually sit right now?

Not "good" or "not good." 
Not "performer" or "underperformer." 
More precise than that.

 • Capable but disengaged
 • High potential, high impact
 • Reliable and steady
 • Engaged but underperforming
 • Disengaged and underperforming

Most people won't sit neatly in one place, but this is a useful starting point before the conversation.

Each pattern needs something different from you.

The one that's easiest to get wrong? 
Your reliable, steady performer. 

They deliver, they don't make noise, so "keep doing what you're doing" becomes the default. 

We tend to spend our energy on high performers and underperformers. 
The steady ones get left alone. 

And that's often where quiet disengagement starts.

The framework in the graphic gives you a starting point for each one.

They all need your leadership. 
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Grit is a stronger predictor of success than talent. 
But at scale, grit keeps you stuck.

Grit is what got you here.

You pushed through the early years. 
You solved every problem. 
You figured things out when no one else could. 
You didn't quit when it was hard.

That's not nothing. 
That's how the business exists.

But here's what happens when the team grows:

The instinct that made you push through now makes you jump in on things that aren't yours anymore.

→ It's quicker if you do it.
→ No one else has the full picture.
→ You don't trust it'll get done without you.

That stops being leadership.
It becomes grit in the wrong place.

And the harder you push, the more your team steps back.

Why would they take ownership if you're always there to catch it?

You don't need to stop being gritty.
You need to point it at the right things.

Less doing. → More mentoring.
Less jumping in. → More trust.

The hard work doesn't stop. 
But where you put it has to change.

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Many capable leaders fall into people-pleasing without realising it.

Not because they lack standards.
But because they value harmony.
They want to be fair.
They don’t want to demotivate anyone.

Unfortunately when you avoid discomfort:

• Feedback comes too late
• Standards slip quietly
• Ownership shrinks
• Decisions drag for too long
• The team feels less safe

Kindness is different.

Kindness is clear.
Kindness is direct.
Kindness protects the goal.
Kindness holds the line.

It says:

“This matters.”
“You can do better.”
“We’re capable of more.”

That is not harsh.
That is leadership.

Because leadership isn’t about being liked.
It’s about building people who can perform without you carrying them.

Kindness is strength.
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The hardest part of leadership isn't the strategy.
It's the people.

A client once said to me:
"I love my business. I'd just love it more without the people in it."

He laughed when he said it.
But it wasn't really a joke.

Because behind that laugh was a conversation he'd been avoiding for months.

Most of us have been there.

As leaders, we know when something isn't working.
We feel it. Even if we don't say it.

And sometimes when we finally do, it comes out wrong.

Too harsh. 
Too vague. 
Often too late.

Having a tough conversation is one thing.
Having one that actually works is something else.

Here's what I've seen make the difference:

→ Approach it with curiosity.
Don't walk in convinced you already know what's going on. You probably don't have the full picture.

→ Understand first.
Ask what's happening for that person. Listen properly. The facts might surprise you.

→ Choose your moment.
Not squeezed between meetings. Not when you're stressed. Not in front of the team. Give the conversation the space it deserves.

→ Be direct, but be kind.
You can be honest without making someone feel small. The goal is progress, not punishment.

→ Say what good looks like.
Don't just flag the problem. Be clear about what you need to see going forward.

The best leaders don't avoid hard conversations.
They've just learned how to have them well.

Save this for next time you're putting off that chat.
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There is someone on your team you need to talk to

Our brain craves certainty. 
But nuance is your leadership advantage.

Most leadership advice pulls you toward extremes.

Be decisive or be empathetic.
Hold people accountable or protect morale.
Be self-reliant or ask for help.

But the best founders I work with don't live at the extremes.

They've learned to hold two things at once.

→ No one is coming to save you. True.
You are responsible for what you tolerate, what you prioritise, and how you respond.

↳ And asking for support is still taking responsibility. Also true.
It means recognising where you lack perspective, knowledge, or simply can't carry the pressure alone.

→ You are accountable for your reactions.
That means understanding your triggers and choosing how you show up.

↳ And you are allowed to draw a line.
Responsibility doesn't mean absorbing poor behaviour or pretending everything is fine.

→ You will need to grow to lead at the next level.
Scaling brings new pressures, new decisions, new dynamics. What got you here may not be enough to take you further.

↳ And you are not broken.
Development isn't about fixing yourself. It's about expanding your range.

In practice, this might look like:

- Investing in someone's development while being clear about the standards required.

- Taking ownership of what you can control, and genuinely letting go of what you can't.

- Caring about your people and still making the tough calls that protect the business.

If it feels uncomfortable to hold both, you're probably doing it right.

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If you give everything to the business but rarely anything back to yourself...
This is for you.

The best Valentine's gift you can give your business is not working on it this weekend.

In 1992, Gary Chapman introduced The 5 Love Languages. A framework for how people give and receive love. 

It was written for romantic relationships, but the principle applies far more widely.

So I borrowed it.☺️

Because if you're a founder or CEO, chances are the person you invest the least in is yourself. 

Not because you don't care, but because there's always something more urgent.

This weekend, pick one love language from this list and actually do it. 

Not as self-care. 
As an actual leadership decision.

You can't lead well when you're running on empty. 
This weekend, put something back in.

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Yes, it's okay to be a little cheesy once a year.

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Empowering female Directors to become successful VPs with my 7-step Passport to Promotion Framework | 10/12 women aiming for the VP role landed it in under 365 days, my about section shows you how to become the next.

👋 Hi, I’m Jill Avey, Founder of SisterSmart® . And I'm a Professional Certified Coach (PCC), Ivy League MBA graduate... and Leadership Mentor for ambitious women navigating the path to the C-suite.

I help high-achieving women break through the “Stuck VP” phase... and elegantly step into executive roles with clarity, confidence, and authenticity.

💡 Tell me if this sounds familiar:

You’re an accomplished VP or Director with years of hard-won results. But, despite your dedication... you still feel like you’re not being taken seriously.

You’re leading teams, handling high-visibility projects, and solving complex problems. Yet, vague feedback like “be more strategic” or “you need more executive presence” leaves you wondering what more you need to do.

You’re juggling critical responsibilities at work while balancing personal life... and the pressure feels relentless.

You know you’re capable of more. But, the self-doubt creeps in when stakes are high... and it feels like you’re constantly having to prove yourself.

If that sounds like you, know this: 

You’re not broken. You’re just in a system that wasn’t designed for women leaders.

That’s where I come in.

My Signature 7-Step Passport to Promotion™ Framework: 

I combine neuroscience-based leadership strategies with real-world experience to help you move from stuck to unstoppable. 

The 7 Steps:

1. Self-Leadership: Build resilience and confidence
2. Brain-Based Communication: Develop your executive presence and influence 
3. Intentional Career Planning: Create a strategic plan for your career 
4. Confidence Without Burnout: Learn how to advocate for yourself 
5. Authentic Leadership: Lead in a way that’s true to you
6. Mindset Mastery: Break free from imposter syndrome and self-doubt
7. Support Network: Connect with a community of like-minded women

Real Results:

Over 180 clients have secured VP and C-suite roles in healthcare, tech, and finance—often within just months of completing the program.

They report feeling more confident, visible, and valued—and see real results in compensation, influence, and career satisfaction.

🏆 Why Work With Me? I’ve actually been in your shoes. 

After 25 years as a corporate executive, I know what it’s like to navigate high-stakes leadership while balancing personal ambitions and professional expectations. My approach is research-backed, heart-led, and rooted in real experience.

I believe you deserve a leadership journey that’s both successful and sustainable. And I’m here to help you build it.

📩 Send me a DM: Let’s build your path to the C-suite together.

Jill Avey

Kindness in leadership isn’t soft.

It’s how strong cultures are built.

(Want to lead with strength and kindness? Download the free guide here: https://lnkd.in/gbAcgVWv)

Every week in coaching, I hear the same story.

A talented director working under someone who still leads like it’s 1985.

– Pressure over partnership
– Micromanaging at 10PM
– Confusing intimidation with high standards
– Counting hours instead of outcomes

And here’s the hard part:

Those leaders genuinely believe it works.

Because in the short term, it does.

People comply.
Deadlines get hit.
Mistakes get called out.

But what they don’t see is the cost.

➝ Innovation sitting in draft folders
➝ High performers quietly updating their CVs
➝ Energy spent managing fear instead of solving problems
➝ Trust thinning with every harsh email

Fear can drive action.

But it cannot build commitment.

Human-centered leadership isn’t about lowering standards.

It’s about raising ownership.

When you replace micromanagement with empowerment
➝ People stop waiting for permission.

When you swap unrealistic demands for stretch expectations
➝ Teams push themselves.

When you develop underperformers instead of tolerating them
➝ Performance improves without fear as fuel.

The old way treated people like problems to monitor.

The better way treats them as partners to empower.

And when leaders choose empathy, clarity, and courage
they don’t just build kinder cultures.

They build teams people don’t want to leave.

The culture you create today determines the talent you keep tomorrow.

If you believe leadership can be both kind and high-performing,
repost this to help more people see what strong really looks like.

(Want to lead with strength and kindness? Download the free guide here: https://lnkd.in/gbAcgVWv)

♻️ Repost to help your network rethink what strong leadership actually looks like
Follow me, Jill Avey for human-centered leadership insights.

Helping High-Achieving Women Get Seen, Heard, and Promoted | Proven Strategies to Stop Feeling Invisible at the Leadership Table 💎 Fortune 100 Coach | ICF PCC-Level Women's Leadership Coach

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