Meghann Misiak

I work with top SaaS sellers who have outworked, out-hustled, and out-performed. But are now looking for something deeper...
 
→ Real relationships vs transactional sales calls
→ Driving real impact vs. competing with buyers
→ Feeling fulfilled vs. drained by your career
 
If that’s you, welcome. You’re not alone.
 
And luckily, there are better ways to sell… and to LIVE.
 
I’m Meg, aka That Sales Witch 🔮
 
Yes, I have 10+ years of sales, leadership, & enablement experience working with companies like Blend, Movable Ink, Deel, & Hubspot.
 
But my real magic?
 
→  Making buyers feel safe enough to say yes.
→ Helping sellers manage energy as much as pipeline.
→ Moving through every deal with clarity, confidence, & presence.
→ And a little sales therapy… working through blocks, recognizing patterns, & breaking through performance plateaus.
 
Because my strategy isn’t a script. It’s a state of mind.
 
Deeper focus.
Sharper boundaries.
Authentic influence.
 
And helping you WIN MORE and WORK LESS.
 
Bc the reward should never be working more... 
It should be having more time for the things that really matter.
 Your life, your family, your hobbies, your dreams (and hint... no one's actual dream is hitting quota).
 
Here are ways I’ve helped clients win (check out my testimonials for more):
 
🏆 Doubled win rate in 1 year
🏆 Increased av. deal size by $100k in 3 months
🏆 Sold biggest deal in company’s history
🏆 Hit #1 seller in company… multiple years in a row
🏆 Featured on conference stages & pods like 30 Min to President’s Club
 
And also...
 
- Closing laptop by 6pm most days
- Waking up an hour early to meditate & make breakfast for the kids
- Having enough free time to build a banjo & prepare a DJ set for the radio
- Lowering stress levels & finally feeling present with partner & family
 
This is the stuff that really matters.
 
If these sound like goals you can get behind, feel free to book a no-pressure consult with me to explore.
 
And a tiny bit about me as a human:
 
📍 Based in Mexico City
😸 Lover of cats, scented candles, & iced matcha lattes
🔮 Addicted to healing &amp; reader of palms, auras, & tarot
📚 Obsessed w magical realism, witchy queer fiction, & yeah a lot of self-help

Director of Enterprise Sales

Working to help the New Retirement team & our clients find new levels of success through elite, enterprise sales strategies at an organizational level. Building a team & results that are predictable, scalable, & repeatable. Maintaining the organization's incredible culture while redefining what's possible.

Meghann Misiak 🔮

The most annoying corporate words of 2025… and what to replace them with in 2026.
 
 
Because if I hear “synergy” one more time, I’m launching myself into the sun.

🤗  

2025: Low-Hanging Fruit
2026 replacement: Snackable Wins
"Can we start by identifying some snackable wins? My pipeline is hangryyy."

2025: Touching Base
2026 replacement: Energetic Poke-Poke
“Just giving the project a lil poke-poke to see if it’s alive.”

2025: Synergy
2026 replacement: Mutually Assured Slay-age
“Looping you in because this collab could trigger Mutually Assured Slay-age across the entire team.”

2025: Take This Offline
2026 replacement: Send It to the Shadow Realm
“Let’s send this convo to the Shadow Realm before it consumes the whole meeting.”

2025: Move the Needle
2026 replacement: Nudge the Cosmic Playlist
“Let me know what you need from me to nudge the cosmic playlist on this one.”

2025: Quick Sync
2026 replacement: Chaotic Alignment Sprint
“Let’s run a Chaotic Alignment Sprint before this project fully flies into the sun.”

2025: Bandwidth
2026 replacement: Emotional WiFi
“Sorry, my emotional WiFi is running on one bar today.”

💜 

Try these out with your own teams & let me know which one is their favorite!

F*ck Hustle Culture | Crush Your Quota, Not Your Soul | That Sales Witch l Coaching Top Sellers to Win More & Work Less | Big Fan of Flowers, Fiction, & Cat Content

I love taking a break from using LinkedIn on my computer...
 
 
 
 

 
To sit back & open LinkedIn on my phone.

🤳

My brain at 2am: “Remember that time in 3rd grade when you called your teacher "mom"?”
 
 
 
 

My brain at 2pm: can’t remember my own password.

🫠

I finally wrote about that strange, magical identity crisis that happens after burnout.


New newsletter is live.

Come read if you’ve been unraveling too. 💜

View newsletter: Letters to My Burned Out Self

(And.... who you become when you stop chasing it.) ✨ For most of my life, I carried the title high performer like a talisman. My entire life was cente

Open article: The Myth of the High Performer by Meghann Misiak 🔮 • 4 min read

Signs your job is quiet-quitting you.
 
 
 
If you’ve ever felt that eerie feeling of “something is off” at work but couldn’t articulate it...

Here are a few signs that your JOB is failing you.

Not the other way around.

🙅‍♀️ 

→ Your 1:1s keep getting canceled or shortened to 7 min of nothing.
→ You only hear from leadership when something goes wrong.
→ Your ideas “don’t fit the priorities”… until someone else suggests them.
→ You’re called "a team player” but never get support yourself.
→ You’re doing three different jobs… & getting paid for one.
→ You stop getting feedback (both good & bad)
→ Metrics change monthly, but expectations stay sky-high.
→ You dread simple tasks you used to enjoy & feel disillusioned.
→ You stop chasing accomplishments bc no one celebrates them anyway.
→ You’re told to “be patient” while watching others leapfrog ahead.
→ The culture's shifted but leadership pretends like everything's ok.
→ Decisions come down from “the top” & no one can explain the logic.
→ You feel more like a resource than a human... useful until you’re not.

🙈 

In these situations, you’re no longer growing.

At some point, you gotta shift from “What’s wrong with me?”

To “What part of me is shrinking to fit this role?”

That’s when the real magic starts.

🔮

Hi, I’m Meg aka That Sales Witch. I help sellers win more & work less. Follow for more unfiltered magic.

Is healing from burnout the ultimate anti-aging secret?!?!? 
 
 

I was looking through old photos with my fiancé & he randomly goes:

“Uhhh… why do you look YOUNGER now?”

And honestly? He’s kinda right.

😅 
 
Back then I was “thriving”

Winning awards, posing with trophies, popping champagne like a girl boss on a mission.

But behind the smiles...

→ Eye bags for days
→ Skin dry enough to exfoliate a brick
→ Posture that looks more like performance
→ Hair dyinggg under all the bleach 

🫠 

And sure, I upgraded my skincare… (thanks k-beauty) but this was something DEEPER.

Back then I was surviving, not living.

After 5 years of recovering from burnout...

→ My nervous system is actually regulated.
→ I rest... regularly.
→ I'm not sprinting for validation 24/7.
→ My life supports my body instead of breaking it.

And apparently?

My face noticed.

Anyone else familiar with the pure GLOW that comes from healing??

💜

Hi, I’m Meg aka That Sales Witch. I help sellers win more & work less. Follow for more unfiltered magic.

Anyone here for more *witchiness* at corporate events?
 
 
I know I am. But I'm a bit biased.

😈 

If you're looking for something different than another generic team-building event that everyone complains about...

Give your team something they’ll remember for YEARS.

It's called The Energy Audit.

→ Aura portraits
→ Energy analysis
→ Nervous system insights
→ Real conversations

Imagine an experience people talk about instead of “politely survive.”

Corporate events just got a whole lot more MAGICAL.

💜 

Currently booking for 2026!

Here are my favorite ways to regulate my nervous system + stay present in every moment...
 
 
 
Bc every well-regulated witch has an entire *toolkit* of rituals!

→ Morning meditation + breathwork + reiki
→ Mapping out key priorities for each day
→ Walks in the sun to get matcha lattes
→ Lighting incense & calling it aromatherapy
→ Color-coding my calendar by priority (duh)
→ Mindful Mondays & Flow or Follow-Up Fridays
→ Bi-weekly therapy (somatic + parts)
→ Cortisol-lowering 30-min meal prep
→ ADHD & chakra playlists for work sessions
→ Kitty snuggles aka avoiding slaps w murder mittens

And taking long walks around the city to snap pics of the prettiest flowers I can find.

It's rituals like this that allow me to not only FEEL good... 

But to do my very best work.

🌞 

What about y'all? 

What are your favorite rituals to feel your best?

If you want your sellers to communicate better + build trust quicker… start with their energy.
 
 
Not just their scripts.
Not just their talk tracks.
Not another mandatory training.

When people see how they’re actually showing up (grounded, anxious, disconnected, or open)...

They shift faster than any coaching session could ever force.

The Energy Audit is my new favorite enablement tool.

And yes… it works.

Founder @MSP Consulting | Enterprise Sales for Startups | $2M => $10M ARR

Making enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders. 

If next year’s revenue, your next hire, or your next 20 customers feel like a gamble, you’re not alone. 
Most founders don’t see the real cause... inconsistency across sales, hiring, and leadership.

I help you implement repeatable enterprise sales systems that remove that guesswork. 

Book a 30‑min strategy session at the link below. We’ll diagnose the single biggest inconsistency costing you predictability. (Shortened sales cycles by 50% for a recent client.)

Monica Stewart

Ok let me get this straight...


Everyone should use AI.
But not to write LinkedIn posts.

BUT you should be writing about AI because it’s the future.
If you use AI for writing you’re lazy. 

But if you don’t use it for everything else you’re living in 2015. 

Cool cool cool. 

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

Making enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders | $1M - $10M

When I was a kid I didn’t know anyone who had a corporate job. 


I’m the only person in my family to graduate college. 

I wasn’t even planning to go. I only applied as a way to get out of the city I grew up in. 

If you would have told 15 year old me that I’d end up building a business helping startup founders sell to the biggest companies in the world, I literally would not have known what you were talking about (and probably gone right back to listening to Wu Tang Clan). 

I went to Brooklyn College because I wanted to be in NYC (despite having only been there once for 5 days). 

I studied International Relations and worked my way through school. 

I got a job selling hedge fund conferences after graduating because it paid the same as all the other jobs BUT had commission. I made $36k my first year. Got a crash course in selling to people WAY above my pay grade from Jared Rose 

Switched to financial services for a 40% pay bump, realized I made a terrible mistake after a year. 

Went to work at an art tech startup and started freelancing for conference companies on the side. 

Got my first SaaS sales role and made $150k my first year. I stayed 5 years and learned everything I could about sales, logistics, supply chain, economics and how enterprises really work. Got to test so many things with Erika Borden and build a great team with Peter Swartz and Keith Soura 

Moved into leadership and ran teams at 2 more startups. Got to work with amazing people like Kristen Habacht Alexa Battista and Hamid Palo

Realized my destiny was not working for other people and went into consulting, still ended up working for someone else to build an agency. So many lessons learned about consulting and scaling with Matt Lopez Franklin Williams Jake Dunlap 

Took a 2-year sabbatical to travel the world, organize raves and DJ. 

Finally went all in on myself. I made more in my first year than I ever did working for someone else. Learned a ton (and still am) about brand, social, business models and sales from Ken Yarmosh Reshia Lea Colin Stewart-Perreault 🧙 Leslie Venetz Meghann Misiak 🔮 Scott Sambucci

Along the way, became obsessed with building a great business and helping founders do the same. 

15-year old me would be PYSCHED if she knew all this was possible. The only reason I got here was the people who helped me along the way. 

Who's helped you get where you are today? 

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

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VPs of Sales who won’t answer cold calls even though THEIR OWN TEAM MAKES COLD CALLS...


Beyond rude, right? 

Except I teach all my teams to leverage social selling…and I also don't reply to 95% of LI DMs from sellers… bc they are hot garbage and not at all relevant to me. 

I even sent a sassy email reply to someone recently because they cold emailed me 3 days in a ROW about something I didn't want, and it was annoying. 

Am I the problem? Maybe. 

But there is also an element of this conversation that feels like “wHY arE WoMEN on DatInG AppS BUT wOnT TalK To a RaNDom Guy At A BaR??”

No one owes you their time, even if you're broadly on the same team because you're both in sales. 

Sales leaders, don't be jerks, but also sellers, would YOU respond to you?

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders


Follow for more.

"Anyone had luck getting out of a contract with (sales tool we all know)? We're 1 year into a 3 year contract and no one on my team cares about it."


😬😬😬

Saw this from a CRO in a private Slack yesterday.

This is why your onboarding experience matters so much.

It sounds boring. It's not boring. It's the hidden thing causing you to leak revenue.

Most teams close a 3-year deal, celebrate the win, and hand it off to CS. Do a “training” for the users. Maybe QBRs. 

And 12 months later, the customer is looking for the exit because no one on their team knows why they should use the product.

How to make sure this doesn’t happen to you: 

1. Schedule the kickoff when you sign the contract
Don't send an email intro from sales to CS and hope CS schedules it.
Get it on the calendar immediately.

2. Give CS everything they need from the sales process
What does the customer actually want to accomplish? What's the most important thing for them to do first? What are the risks on this account?
Should go without saying. But most teams aren't doing this.

3. Onboarding is NOT a product walkthrough
It's not training on features.
It's showing them how to do the thing they bought the product for.
So know what they bought it for. And show them how to do that thing.

Bonus - make it interactive! 

Structure onboarding as a multi-part workshop.
Roll out components in phases so by week 3-5, they've created something tangible they can show to the person who signed the contract.
Give them a win in the first month.

4. Create superusers 
Now they have basic knowledge, where do you go from here? 
Send advanced usage tips, mini videos, new product release messaging customized for them (not the mass email you sent), social content, tips from other users. Doing this even once every 1-2 months makes a huge difference. 

5. Make QBRs internal show and tell 
Usage stats are cool. 
Making your users look amazing by showcasing their work is even better. 

What did I miss?

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

Comment if you have been personally victimized by the algo

8 startup lies: 


“We just need to scale the team”
=> The last 3 people we hired didn’t work out, but we’re betting that the next 3 definitely will

“Enterprise customers love us”
=> We’ve got 12 enterprise logos that are all underpaying, and haven’t spoken with us in 5 months 

“We have strong pipeline growth”
=> Several intro meetings with innovation teams who said they’d circulate internally and get back to us

“Our product sells itself”
=> We run 80-minute demos and talk 80% of the time and then get ghosted. Everyone knows what our product does and no one knows how it would help them

“We have a great sales leader with experience and a rolodex”
=> We are wildly overpaying someone to have introductory meetings that go nowhere. They haven’t closed anything in 8 months. 

“Our product is easy to use”
=> Founder is still answering support tickets because we can’t train anyone else to do it

“We have great investors”
=> At the last board meeting our investors told us to switch to PLG, now they want us to hire 8 more salespeople by Q1 

“We’re on track to triple revenue again this year”
=> We haven’t made an actual forecast yet and have no idea what our number is, let alone how we’re going to hit it

What am I missing?

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders


Follow for more.

You’ll never see me talk about this on LinkedIn….


- Sports 
- My kids 
- What my kids playing sports taught me about B2B sales
- What sales bros you should follow 
- Sales lessons from $2B orgs 
- Biohacking
- Taylor Swift
- Sales tips from the 90’s
- XYZ thing that is dead 
- AI hype 
- Fear-based sales strategies 
- A conversation I had with a fake CRO of a fake $500M org

What I will never stop talking about:

- Brilliant women 
- Burning Man
- Women you should follow
- Pushing yourself to grow 
- Raves 
- Real life sales lessons from <$10M orgs 
- Empathy 
- Coffee in tiny cups 
- AI in the real world 
- How much Zig Ziglar still slaps
- The power of focus 
- Plants 
- The fact the no one is free until everyone is free 
- A conversation I had with a real founder of a real $6M org 

What’s something you won’t stop talking about?

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders


Follow for more.

The most cringe thing about me?


I am CHALANT AF.

I care a lot.

I’m not here for “passive income”

I’m not here to build a business I don’t have to work on. 

I’m trying. Like, really hard.

There are a lot of people on LinkedIn who talk about how to make money without trying. 

Grow revenue without talking to customers. 

Build a course instead of working with clients 1:1. 

Use AI agents + AI SDRs + vibe coding to build a SaaS business that runs itself. 

Work 4 hours a day and go meditate. 

I believe that the real flex is building your life around something that you love and care about so deeply that you want to lean all the way in and challenge yourself to commit to it even more. 

The real flex is making a life you don’t want to be detached from.

What do you think? 

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders

Follow for more.

10 things buying software taught me about sales:


1. No one actually has internal meetings about a demo they saw 

2. Every decision involves 2-3 people (even in small companies)

3. People’s vision of who they want to be is just as important as what they actually need 

4. Do not underestimate the power of making it easy to say yes. The number of decisions people have to make in a day is insane. 

5. Arm your champion with a one-sentence answer to the question “what is this thing again?” 

6. The 12 page slide deck you sent most likely will not be read

7. People on the same team can have wildly different priorities 

8. Dark social is real. 90% of information comes from referrals, communities, DMs and texts. 

9. If they don’t think they need it at full price a discount makes no difference 

10. The trial access you gave will be used for 30 minutes, max

This is as a VP of Sales in 15-20 person orgs but I feel like applies most places. 

What did I miss?

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

If you spend more time talking about what you hate than what you love 



We probably won’t get along.

"More structure will slow us down. We need to move fast."


This is the most expensive lie founders tell themselves.

What you think is "moving fast": 
→ Winging it on calls 
→ Going after every deal until they ghost or say no
→ Everyone doing discovery their own way
→ Working on your buyer’s timeline

What's really happening: 
→ Deals taking 2x longer because everyone is guessing
→ Inconsistent discovery = inconsistent conversion
→ Spending hours talking about the same deals bc there is no plan
→ Lost deals you can't learn from because there are too many variables

Having a framework doesn't slow you down. It saves you from reinventing the wheel on every deal. 

You think you’re moving fast but you are actually moving chaotically. Chaos doesn't scale.

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

LinkedIn: we want timely, value add content and thought leadership

Also LinkedIn: Labubu is a trending video topic

Things that weren’t skills 10 years ago that are superpowers today...


1. Creative writing 
2. Emotional intelligence
3. Vibe coding
4. Content creation
5. Not being afraid of looking stupid on the internet
6. Time management
7. Prioritization
8. Networking 
9. Personal/spiritual growth
10. Delegation


What did I miss?

👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

PSA: It's ok to just want to work all the time. 


I just worked for 9 days straight and I feel awesome.

I got a ton of stuff done that's important to me. I made progress for my clients. 

And I am not done!! I plan to keep going hard right up until I take some time off for end of year. 

You do not need to constantly rest.

You do not need "work life balance" all the time.

You can just… go all in on things you care about.

This is a safe space to admit you like building things.

Or not! But don't let anyone make you feel guilty either way.


👋 Hi, I'm Monica Stewart. I make enterprise revenue predictable for B2B SaaS founders
Follow for more.

B2B tech founders who want more people to understand what their company actually does....this is for you!

Your killer message is buried in years of thinking. Let’s find the spark. | Message Clarity for Tech Founders | “...the kind of partner who helps you think.” | #BOOMshockalocka

View Zach Messler 🤘👊💥😎’s profile

Yo! LinkedIn!! Willing to help a brotha out?

I'm doing some research, and I could use an assist.

🤘👊💥😎
 
Know a B2B tech founder whose company is in the $5M to $10M ARR range?
 
Like any good product marketer, I'm doing audience research for a new offering.
 
I could just go build, but it'll be way better, way faster if I just talk to the people I wanna serve, so...
 
🤘👊💥😎

I'm holding research conversations for the next few weeks with B2B tech founders in that range.
 
THERE IS NO PITCH!! Just a few questions to get super sharp on what's real.
 
𝘉𝘖𝘕𝘜𝘚: 𝘐𝘧 𝘸𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬-𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.
 
→ Know anyone?
→ Send 'em my way.
→ Tag 'em below.

🤘👊💥😎
 
Are YOU one of these founders?

DM me "RESEARCH" and we'll get that convo on the books.
 
Thank you, friends!

♻️𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘺! 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩! 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘕𝘒 𝘠𝘖𝘜!

#BOOMshockalocka 
🤘👊💥😎

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The Battle

Meghann Misiak 🔮

Monica Stewart

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