The Dating App Founder | 8M members | Bootstrapped startup with a team of 50+ | Co-founder & COO of Inner Circle | Follow for insights on business, leadership and relationships

Co-founder of Inner Circle. The dating app for people who want fewer matches and better dates.

Built on the belief opposites don’t attract, so you don't waste time.

Bootstrapped since 2012. 8M+ members worldwide.

Try the app with code MK2024 for a month of premium access.

Follow me for honest insights about work, life and love.

Looking for stars to join the team, check out the careers page: www.about.theinnercircle.co/careers. 

About me: 
I believe no strategy is better than its execution. 
My scope includes:
🏆 Hiring and developing winning teams 
✅ Alignment and execution driven by OKRs
🚀 Marketing that drives growth with ROI
🥾 Data to accelerate experiments that move the needle
🍸 Advisor and angel

In 2025, I stepped back into marketing as COO CMO. Content is the most powerful lever for any brand, so I started posting here to understand what makes it tick, share my learnings and lead my team better.

Michael Krayenhoff

The best leaders aren’t just tough.

They're compassionate.

Compassion isn't a weakness.
It's the courage to lead with humanity, especially when the stakes are highest.

It's about delivering hard feedback, but never with cruelty.
Holding firm standards, but always with dignity.
Driving real results, but never at the cost of people's worth.

I've seen leaders who mistake harshness for strength; 
They burn out their teams and themselves.

The ones who last? 
They understand that respect and accountability aren't opposites.

True leadership isn't choosing between being effective and being decent.
It's refusing to accept that false choice in the first place.

Here are 3 leadership reminders that actually hold up in real life:

1️⃣ Compassion takes backbone.
↳ Say what needs to be said, clearly and directly.
↳ Avoiding the truth feels kind in the moment, but it costs trust later.

2️⃣ Compassion needs standards.
↳ Hold the line on behavior, effort, and values.
↳ Being human does not mean lowering the bar. It means being fair about it.

3️⃣ Compassion is built in small moments.
↳ How you listen. How you respond. How you follow up.
↳ People remember consistency more than big speeches.

Strong leadership is not a choice between results and decency.
That is a false trade.

Real leaders refuse to make it.

So ask yourself this today,
How are you showing compassion when it actually counts? 
Lets discuss in the comment 👇

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I've worked with hundreds of leaders over the years.

The gap between good and great? It's not strategy or skill.

It's self-awareness.

The best leaders don't just drive results;
They develop people while doing it.

Here's what sets them apart:
16 Signs of a Highly Intelligent Leader

1/ They never punish honesty.
↳ People speak up when they know the truth won’t cost them their seat.

2/ They leave room at the table.
↳ Influence grows when others are invited in.

3/ They create calm in the chaos.
↳ Steady energy keeps teams focused when pressure hits.

4/ They admit when they're wrong.
↳ Owning mistakes sets the standard faster than pretending to be right.

5/ They set direction, not demands.
↳ Clear intent beats rigid instructions.

6/ They over-communicate the ‘why’.
 ↳ Clarity creates alignment faster than control ever could.

7/ They give others permission to fail.
↳ Progress only happens where mistakes are allowed.

8/ They hire people smarter than them.
↳ Strong leaders optimize for outcomes, not ego.

9/ They prioritize trust over popularity.
↳ Being respected lasts longer than being liked.

10/ They care deeply but act objectively.
↳ Empathy informs decisions without clouding them.

11/ They ask more questions than they answer.
↳ Good questions unlock better thinking across the room.

12/ They don’t claim credit for the team's work.
↳ They direct praise to the team to celebrate those who execute.

13/ They coach people, they don't control them.
↳ They don't want people just to deliver, they want them to develop.

14/ They don't build followers, they build leaders.
↳ The real test is what the team does when you’re not there.

15/ They show up with the same attitude, every day.
↳ Predictability builds trust and trust drives results.

16/ They step back so others can step into the spotlight.
↳ Progress accelerates when credit is shared.

Intelligent leadership changes teams.

It’s not about being in charge,
It’s about how you show up for the people who trust you.

Which leader does this remind you of?
Drop a name below 👇

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You can have high standards and treat people well.

They're not mutually exclusive.

I've interviewed over 1,000 people to build Inner Circle.

Entry level to senior leaders.

Everybody gets nervous at times.
Because, behind every resume is a real person.

They've prepared for hours.
They're thinking about their rent.
They've practiced answers in the mirror.
They're wondering if they're good enough.

About finally getting a shot.
About their family.

But most companies forget this, and: 

They ghost candidates for weeks.
They treat hiring like a transaction.
They forget there's a human waiting.

And that shows.

How you hire shows your culture more than any values slide ever will.

Not what you say.
What you do when no one is watching.

Here is what treating candidates like humans looks like in real life:

1️⃣ You respond
↳ If someone spoke with you, you close the loop.
↳ Even a short no is better than silence.

2️⃣ You are clear
↳ You explain why the answer is no.
↳ You say it in plain words, not corporate talk.

3️⃣ You respect time
↳ You only add interviews if they are truly needed.
↳ You decide who makes the final call before the process starts.

This is not going the extra mile.
It is walking the talk on your values..

People remember how you treated them.
Even when they did not get the job.

Quick question for you,
What is one thing you never compromise on when hiring?
Share it in comment 👇

♻️ Repost if you believe hiring should feel more human
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If you want success, you need to out-fail everyone.


Most people don’t actually fail.
They just never even start.

They over-prepare.
They wait for confidence.
They wait for permission.
They wait for certainty.

Then they call it being realistic.

Failure isn’t the opposite of success.
Inaction is.

Failure only shows up after you’ve moved.
After you shipped the idea.
Had the uncomfortable conversation.
Put your name on the line.

That’s why failure hurts.

Not because you’re weak,
but because you cared enough to commit.

Execution is the filter most people never pass.
They stay busy.
They stay smart.
They stay safe.
And mistake that for progress.

If you failed, congratulations.
You made it past the hardest step.

The real question isn’t
“Did it work?”

It’s:
Did you step into the arena or stay in the stands?

What’s one thing you’re trying this year,
even if it might fail?

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Fear of failure will keep you average.

Even if you're capable of more. 

Image credits to Alvin Huang

I’ve seen this closely. 
When I started Inner Circle, nothing was guaranteed.
There was no safety net. Just a belief that mattered more than the noise outside.

Failing was simply a part of the process at the time.

Features that didn’t work.
Markets we entered too early.
Hires that looked right on paper but wrong in real life.

Each one felt heavy at the time.
Like maybe this was the moment it all breaks.

But failure rarely shows up as a big dramatic ending.

Most of the time it looks like this,

👇 You try something.
👇 It doesn’t work the way you hoped.
👇 You sit with the discomfort.
👇 You figure out what you missed.
👇 You adjust.
👇 You try again.

That’s not failure.
That’s the job.

After building a bootstrapped company to 8M members, 
I can count the real failures on one hand.
The kind I’d never repeat.

Everything else was just a part of the process of getting better.

Early on, it’s hard to tell the difference.
Everything feels urgent. Everything feels final.

With time, you get faster at spotting what needs killing,
and what just needs another round.

So if you’re in that uncomfortable middle right now, ask yourself:

Are you failing,
or are you just not done yet?

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Changing jobs isn't the same as quitting.

Quitting used to be seen as weak.

Now it's a sign of growth.

Here are 8 reasons leaving may be the smart choice:

1/ You’ve outgrown the role
↳ You’re doing more than the job asks, but the title and scope haven’t moved.

2/ Your pay no longer matches your value
↳ Loyalty feels nice, but the market doesn’t reward it the same way.

3/ The environment drains you
↳ If work costs you your energy, health, or confidence, that’s a signal.

4/ You want better leadership
↳ A great manager can change your entire career path.

5/ You’ve stopped learning
↳ Comfort is great until it quietly stalls your growth.

6/ You want broader exposure
↳ New companies mean new ways of thinking, building, and solving problems.

7/ You need to stretch yourself
↳ Change forces adaptability. And adaptability compounds fast.

8/ There’s no real path forward
↳ Some org charts just don’t have space for what you’re ready to become.

Knowing when to leave isn’t failure.

It’s self-awareness.

Curious, when did leaving work out for you?
Share it in comment 👇

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Toxic leaders can destroy your self-worth.

Don't blame yourself.

Recognize their behaviours.

A toxic leader can ruin your career:

🚨 Creating fear
🚨 Killing confidence
🚨 Controlling opportunity

Here are 9 signs to watch out for:

1. The Favourite Picker
↳ Loyalty is rewarded, not performance
↳ Promotions become politics, not merit

2. The Credit Thief
↳ Takes your wins and does the bare minimum
↳ Recognition is stolen, and so is your recognition

3. The Power Tripper
↳ Uses their title to silence, not support
↳ “Because I said so” becomes their leadership style

4. The Blame Shifter
↳ They spread fear by criticising and blaming
↳ Shames mistakes instead of coaching growth

5. The Control Freak
↳ Micromanages every task but shares no vision
↳ You’re overloaded, under-trusted, and out of oxygen

6. The Burnout Machine
↳ Glorifies overwork and calls it ambition
↳ Well-being is sacrificed at the altar of “urgency”

7. The Fear Builder
↳ Uses silence to protect their authority
↳ People stop speaking up and trust disappears

8. The Mood Swinger
↳ Hot one day, cold the next
↳ You’re stuck guessing which version shows up

9. The Growth Blocker
↳ Rejects change to protect their ego
↳ They never leave their comfort zone and make sure others can't

Which have you experienced?
Let me know below 👇 

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9 Signs Of A Toxic Leader

The best performing teams aren’t the smartest. 
They’re the most curious.

Being with the team in São Paulo this week 
made that obvious again.

Teams move faster
when the energy is right.

Not because they’re smarter.
Not because they work longer.

It comes from curiosity.
From teams that challenge assumptions
Instead of defending the status quo.

5 ways curiosity drives outsized results:

1/ Better questions replace old answers
↳ Progress starts when teams stop defending and start improving.

2/ Testing beats debating
↳ Momentum builds when learning happens in the work.

3/ Less process, more momentum
↳ Clarity reduces the need for endless coordination.

4/ Ownership goes up
↳ People move faster when they help shape the thinking.

5/ Energy compounds
↳ Belief grows when teams see ideas turn into reality.

Curiosity is the unlock to real growth.

Where have you seen curiosity lift results?
Let me know in the comments ⬇️

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What separates the best founders from the rest? 

It's not their vision or the product!
It’s the decisions they repeat every day.

Most people think leadership shows up in big moments.
Fundraises. Pivots. Announcements.

That matters for sure. 
But it is not what shapes the team.

What defines you are the silent decisions no one sees or applauds.
Here are five key decisions that define you: 

1️⃣ Who you build around
→ Notice who you involve early, when the problem is still messy and the answer isn’t clear.

2️⃣ What behavior you protect
→ Pay attention to what you address immediately and what you tolerate because it’s inconvenient to confront.

3️⃣ Where your attention goes
→ Look at what consistently gets your time when priorities collide. That’s what your team learns to value.

4️⃣ What you simplify
→ Track the rules, steps, or approvals you remove so people can act without waiting on you.

5️⃣ How you show up under pressure
→ Observe how you react in the moment things break, not how you explain it later.

These are the moments where your leadership takes shape.
If your team feels cautious, slow, or dependent,
there is a good chance one of these decisions is stuck on repeat.

Which one do you think leaders struggle to change the most?
Drop it in the comments 👇

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Being yourself is the real flex.

Especially when everyone else is putting on a show.

Social media didn’t create this behaviour.
It just made it more visible.

Some people optimise perception over capability.

They become whoever the moment rewards:
- Visible when projects succeed
- Quiet when things get hard
- Quick to talk about outcomes they didn’t own
- Fast to turn team success into personal optics

You see it online.
You see it inside companies.

Perception works at a distance.
Capability shows up in delivery.

When decisions carry weight.
When results actually matter.
That’s when the image collapses.

What’s left is simple:
 1/ Who actually owns the work
 2/ Who stays consistent
 3/ Who doesn’t change depending on who’s watching

That’s why the best operators don’t play the optics game.

They don’t need to.
Their work does the talking.

Where do you see capability beat perception?

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Leadership isn’t a title. 
It’s a craft. 

Most leaders manage work they don’t understand.
That’s when performance breaks.

Every quarter we run a workshop,
where we experience a craft.
This week it was content creation.

We worked in groups of three.
Each group created two pieces of content, 
that had to perform in the real world.

We didn’t just talk theory,
Everyone got to experience;

What makes a great hook.
Where storytelling breaks.
And the practical limits of filming, format and timing.

Once you do the work together, clarity comes fast.
What sounds simple in a meeting
is rarely simple in execution.

Content is one of the biggest growth levers in modern marketing.

When leaders only touch content 
through agencies or dashboards…
They lose the feel for what great looks like.

5 Reasons the best leaders stay close to the craft:

1/ You experience execution, not coordination
 ↳ You feel the friction plans never show.

2/ You understand real constraints
 ↳ Time, format and context shape every decision.

3/ You see where clarity breaks
 ↳ Briefs collapse when they meet reality.

4/ You keep standards grounded
 ↳ Distance turns “high bar” into a slogan.

5/ You earn the right to challenge the work
 ↳ Feedback lands when you’ve done the reps.

Staying close to the craft isn’t micromanaging.
It’s how leaders raise the bar and move faster.

What’s one craft you still do yourself? 

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Shell Recharge

Engineering Manager

RefugeeForce

Board Member

NewMotion

Salesforce Developer

Product Owner Salesforce at NewMotion

Sending the first NPS survey's out to our customers, analysing the responses and make sure we improve as a company.

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