🦄 <- This you bro ??

.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but you probably suffer from Unicorn Dysmorphia.

Symptoms include:
→ An irrational belief that your startup is a "rOcKeTsHiP 2 da mOOOON 🚀"
→ Holding out for a mythical VC to swoop in and save you
→ Wondering why every other startup is successful and you're not

Let me liberate you with a fact: only 0.00006% of startups become unicorns.

You're playing a game where the odds are stacked against you.

But the good news is you don't have to play the game.

You can absolutely:
→ Run your startup without trying to always please others
→ Find investors who actually want to help you and don't just see you as a potential paycheck
→ Fulfill your mission and find success on your own terms


The Anti-VC can get you there.

I've helped 1000+ founders find the best path to capital that worked for them.

And I can do the same for you.


So if you're ready to drop (Uni/Corn) from your pronouns...

If you're ready to undo years of VC brainwashing...

If you're ready to capitalize your startup ridiculously fast... visit my Featured section 👇🏽

Saleem Ahmad 🤎

Ambra Health

In addition to managerial responsibilities over a small team, I design and code features for the core component of a REST services-based system supporting cloud-based medical image sharing, storage, and annotation.

Software Engineering Manager

Discover Financial Services

This position is, effectively, CTO/cofounder of a small web startup existing within a billion dollar multinational financial.  We were a data and analytics team and saw the need for major process improvement (we're literally replacing pen-and-paper processes in some cases) achievable through an internal, database backed web application.  I have taken us from a simple proof-of-concept running on a development server to a first class, production level application leveraging Amazon RDS databases, the Pivotal Cloud Foundry PAAS system, deployed in a hands-free fashion with the Jenkins CI/CD system.

In addition to building the DevOps infrastructure, I lead and participate in the development of all the infrastructure design and development for the application itself.  We're using Python with the Flask microframework and interfacing with Amazon ECS buckets for incoming and outgoing data to other parts of the company.

I also mentor and guide the QA, support, and product management work for our team--we really are starting from scratch and we're more like a startup than a unit of a 10B company.  It's really exciting work that is making a huge difference for our customers and I work with some really great people.

Senior Software Engineer

Oracle

Top DevOps manager for database backed web application with about 800,000 users distributed globally.  Manage a team tasked with 24/7 site reliability of the infrastructure; application and security maintenance; troubleshooting; predictive monitoring; alerting to address issues before they happen; continual process improvement.

I have six fantastic direct reports who I treat like trusted business partners--the only way I would ever want to run a team.

Engineering Operations Manager

I manage a small team dedicated to producing high quality tools in support of operations for the NetSuite Global Business Unit at Oracle.  Our work includes everything from a quick script written to automate a tedious process to full blown database backed web applications with extensive logging, extendability, detailed audit trails and compliance enforcement.

We relentlessly focus on removing the opportunity for human error in critical processes and removing the drudgery of repetitive processes in the same stroke.  We create human-focused solutions to systems problems, and our customers (support, development, and operations) love what we make.

Manager, Operations Tools Team (NSGBU)

NetSuite

Tools Engineer

Work on professional services automation solution (delivered in Software-as-a-Service model using the LAMP stack).

Help users flesh out and clarify business requirements, guiding those who define these requirements towards technical solutions that promote code reusability and maintainability.

Design and develop high quality technical solutions that promote code reusability, maintainability, and build features/enhancements in such a way that benefit from a single request can be shared by as large a portion of the client base as possible.

Production support (engineer level).

Principal Software Engineer

McClatchy Interactive

As a Senior Developer, I am responsible for object oriented architecture and design, estimation of scope, risk, and level of effort, dividing work between available resources, and coordinating development efforts with other development teams, customer service (implementation and support), and quality assurance.

Senior Developer

NeTraverse

Various projects in support of a windows-on-linux virtualization solution then known as "Win4Lin".  Significant contributor to the installer that put a user-friendly wizard-style GUI on what had been a command line, script driven process.  GTK+ front end with unix interprocess communication (fork, exec, named pipes) on the back end.

Proposed, designed and implemented a web-based management system for the kernel modules needed to make the virtualization work, replacing a time consuming and error prone manual process that had been consuming an entire FTE.

Software Engineer

Inc Group

SAP technical consulting--customized financial reporting, as well as designing and implementing database-backed apps with native GUI frontend in the SAP client-server environment.

Led two training classes for technical consultants that took them from zero to the equivalent of an SAP ABAP certification, one internal and one for external clients.

Co-designed and developed an internal knowledge management system (Linux/Apache/Postgres/Perl) for storage, search, and retrieval of consultants' resumes, skill sets, availability and billing/project history.

Technical Consultant

Real Enterprise Solutions

(same as above, this is the name after acquisition)

Shodor Education Foundation, Inc.

Various duties in support of Shodor's mission to make authentic scientific computing accessible to teachers and students from middle school through college.  MacOS GUI programming, CGI-based explorations of complex mathematical structures with a simple graphical interface, instructional Java applets.

Also mentored college students in creation of same.

Computational Scientist/Education

Application designer and developer.  Expert in various open source technologies.  Perl particularly.  Equally comfortable interfacing with people and machines.  Up for a challenge, and ready to see it through to the finishing touches.

Specialties: Database-backed, web-frontended applications, anything having to do with math.

Incidental specialty: DevOps.  I didn't mean to do this, but I backed into it, and I've learned to do it well.

taplio

The Battle

Saleem Ahmad 🤎

Mike South

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