The Art of Charm, Inc

We teach and train professionals around the globe science-based communication, leadership, and persuasion skills. You'll be able to leverage the expertise and experience of world-class coaches when it comes to sales, persuasion, and social engagement. Need to align your team and drive a unified front toward your vision? We've helped Fortune 500 CEOs with this. Need to amp up your sales game? Our team has developed proprietary sales frameworks to support just that. 

Whether you listen to our globally-recognized podcast, join our Network+ program, or come on-site for our Hollywood Bootcamp, you're joined by millions of men and women trying to accomplish the same things: increase leadership and persuasion skills, reduce social awkwardness, and optimize your ability to communicate.

Chief Executive Officer

Sirius XM Radio Inc.

Host, 'The Art of Charm presents: Game On' the only show completely devoted to helping you get (and keep) the girl. From 8-10pm EST on Sirius 108, XM 139.

On-Air Talent (Talkshow Host)

Build your social capital and influence ◼ Over 10,000 clients served in 17 years ◼ Co-Host and Founder, Art of Charm

🔥 Command Presence. Real Influence. No Fluff.

Already invested in coaching or leadership programs… but still feel like something’s missing?

You’ve got the credentials. The hard skills. Maybe even the title.

But if your career growth is slowing because your communication hasn’t caught up — you’re not alone.

Most professionals hit a ceiling when soft skills become the differentiator.

And that’s where I step in.

❌ The truth about most coaching:

Leadership courses? Too generic.

Corporate training? Too political.

Communication books and TED Talks? Great in theory, useless in high-stakes rooms.

You need targeted, practical coaching built around your professional world — not some academic framework.

✅ What You’ll Get Working With Me

10 hours. One-on-one. Personalized. Intensely practical.

We’ll work together to:

Decode high-stakes conversations and make your communication hit harder.

Amplify your influence in rooms filled with executives, engineers, investors, or stakeholders.

Build your “X-Factor” — a powerful personal presence that earns trust fast.

Unleash your Social Intelligence — command the room, influence anyone, and forge relationships.

You’ll never watch a video or sit through fluff. This is tactical training designed for results.

💥 Plus: Join the X-Factor Accelerator

An exclusive, implementation-based group for high performers. Inside:

Get real-time feedback from other driven professionals.

Practice frameworks in live drills.

Build executive presence and influence with accountability.

👊 My Credibility
19+ years in influence, leadership, and communication development.

10,000+ clients across tech, finance, military, and consulting.

Coached U.S. Military Special Forces & Intelligence Units.

Host of a podcast with 450M+ downloads featuring world-class scientists and performance experts.

For the Analytic Mind Turned Leader.
For the Founder Now Fundraising.
For the Operator Who Needs Buy-In Fast.

If you’ve already tried “the other stuff” and still aren’t getting the results — let’s fix it.

DM me.

Let's turn communication into your competitive advantage.

AJ Harbinger

Think charisma is reserved for celebrities?

That belief is holding you back.

Charisma isn’t fame.
It’s the ability to attract, connect, and influence.

And it’s not reserved for the rich or famous.

You see it in that friend everyone gravitates toward.
Or the colleague people naturally trust and admire.

Their charisma opens doors—not because they’re special,
but because they’ve learned how to connect.

Charisma isn’t a divine gift.
It’s a skill.

Yes, genetics play a role—but most of it comes from learned behaviors and intentional practice.

Introvert or extrovert, anyone can develop it.

Here’s how to start building real charisma and social influence:

1. Be genuinely interested in others
Curiosity is magnetic. Listen deeply. Ask thoughtful questions. Make people feel seen.

2. Maintain strong eye contact
Eye contact signals confidence and presence. It tells people, “You matter.”

3. Use open, positive body language
Smile. Nod. Keep your posture open. Approachability builds connection fast.

4. Communicate clearly and confidently
Say less, but say it well. Cut filler words. Speak with intention.

5. Develop emotional intelligence
Notice emotions—yours and theirs. Empathy strengthens trust.

6. Share what excites you
Passion is contagious. Authentic enthusiasm draws people in.

7. Stay humble and authentic
Confidence without ego is powerful. Be real. Be grounded.

Charisma isn’t something you’re born with.
It’s something you build—one interaction at a time.

No alternative text description for this image

I became a father this year.

Everything changed.

Not in some profound movie moment way.

In the quiet, terrifying, beautiful way things change when you hold a life you made and realize you get one shot at this.

I recentered everything around family.

The clients who drain me? Gone.

The projects that sound good but feel wrong? No.

The opportunities that would impress people but steal time from my daughter? Not worth it.

I spent years saying yes because I thought I had to.

Building a business. Building a brand. Building what I thought success looked like.

Then I held her for the first time and understood what I was building toward.

We dialed in our core values as a family.

Not some corporate exercise with sticky notes.

Real conversations about what matters when she asks us in ten years why we made the choices we made.

Those values gave me permission to say no.

To clients. To colleagues. To people I respect.

Saying no used to feel like failure.

Now it feels like protection.

I am not the father I want to be yet.

Not even close.

I lose my patience. I check my phone when I should be present. I think about work when I should be thinking about her.

But I know the gap now.

I see the father I want to become.

The one who shows up. Who listens. Who chooses her over everything else that screams for attention.

That clarity is the gift.

Not perfection. Direction.

This year taught me that success is not what you build for other people to see.

Success is what you protect when no one is watching.

The time. The attention. The presence.

I am grateful for my daughter.

For my wife who chose me for this.

For the clarity that comes from knowing what you would give up everything else to keep.

That is what I am thankful for this year.

You're the person everyone goes to when they need something done right.

Competent. Reliable. Always available.

And you just got passed over for the promotion again.

"I need to be more visible. Speak up more in meetings."

So you volunteer for more projects. You make yourself even MORE available.

It doesn't work.

Here's what's happening.

You fell into The Availability Trap.

You're so good at your job that you've trained everyone to see you as the person who executes, not the person who leads.

When you're always available, you signal something you don't intend to signal:

Low demand.

One client came to me after being passed over twice for a director role. 

Top performer. Always available. Always solving problems.

We changed one behavior.

Next time someone asked for his time on something non-urgent:

"I'm locked in on the Q3 analysis until Thursday. Can we connect Friday morning?"

Three things happened:

He signaled he's working on something important enough to protect.

He made his attention scarce.

He created a future touchpoint on his terms.

Within six months, he was invited into strategy conversations he'd never been part of before. Within nine months, he got the promotion.

Nothing changed about his technical skills. Everything changed about how people valued his time.

Here's the principle:

Behavioral economics shows people assign higher value to scarce resources.

When you're always available, you signal low demand.

When you're strategically unavailable, people start wondering: 

"What is he working on that's more important than this?"

That question creates status.

The formula:

Protect your calendar. 

Make your time scarce. 

They value your attention. 

Perceived authority without saying a word.

High-value people don't chase opportunities. They create demand for their time.

This week, practice strategic withdrawal once.

When someone asks for something non-urgent, protect your focus and offer a specific alternative time.

Watch how the dynamic shifts.

Picture yourself as a gardener.

Because the truth is, most business success comes down to simple, consistent care.

Building relationships, like gardening, is all about
nurturing the right connections.

Care, patience, and a little bit of effort
will lead to the most fruitful partnerships.

So, let's start planting the seeds of trust today...

→ Don’t rush the growth.
Listen to your client's needs.
Understand their goals. Guide without pushing.

→ Don’t blame the relationship for not advancing quickly.
Acknowledge effort, not just results.
Foster trust & support. Celebrate small wins.

→ Don’t abandon relationships before they have a chance to grow.
Connections need time to deepen.
Be patient with progress. Allow time to develop.

→ Choose the right connections for the right opportunities.
Focus where it can thrive.
Align interests with goals. Share your social capital.

→ Nourish and cultivate.
Support their development.
Offer value and resources. Appreciate generously.

→ Remove obstacles.
Cultivate a positive environment.
Address issues. Take responsibility.

→ Remember, there will be ups and downs.
You can’t control everything; only be prepared.
Anticipate changes. Prepare for challenges.

As complex as building relationships may seem, it's really about a handful of simple practices.

Nurture your connections.
Invest in their growth.

And the results will speak for themselves.

Be honest—how many great ideas have you talked yourself out of this week?

Top performers aren’t successful because they have better ideas.

They’re successful because they act on the ideas they already have.

The longer you think about acting, the harder it becomes to act.

Here’s how to break that cycle:

1. 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
When an idea shows up, move on it right away—send the message, write the outline, start the draft. Action builds momentum before doubt shows up.

2. 𝐒𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬
You can’t hit a target you haven’t defined. Clarity creates direction, and direction gives you something to run toward.

3. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬
Big goals feel overwhelming. Small steps feel doable. One micro-action at a time creates consistency.

4. 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞
 Leaders aren’t built by motivation. They’re built by rhythm. Give action a place in your daily routine.

5. 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
If it steals your focus, it steals your progress. Remove the noise so your mind can stay on what matters.

6. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬
Urgency turns intention into action. A simple deadline can do more than hours of planning.

7. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞
Share your goals with someone who will actually check in. Accountability turns “I’ll try” into “I will.”

8. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞
Failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the process of success. Each misstep sharpens your approach.

9. 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬
Progress compounds when you acknowledge it. Small wins keep the momentum alive.

Act now.

Success isn’t waiting for a perfect plan—just your first step.

You're networking wrong.

Most people work the room all night. Shake every hand. Stay until the lights come on.

Then nobody remembers them.

High-value operators do this instead:

Show up.

Have 3 quality conversations.

Leave early.

You were there. 

But you didn't stay until the end collecting cards.

Next event, people notice when you arrive. 

They remember you left last time.

You created scarcity around your presence.

Your time became something to compete for.

Here's why this works:

When you're at every event until midnight, you become furniture. People stop tracking your movements. Your presence loses meaning.

Strategic absence makes people ask: Where did he go? What's he working on?

The formula:

Quality conversations over quantity contacts.

Early exit over marathon attendance.

Scarcity over availability.

Your presence becomes an event.

I've watched this pattern repeat. 

The executives who attend fewer events get more opportunities.

The founders who leave early get more follow-ups.

Availability kills intrigue.

Scarcity builds value.

Stop maximizing face time.

Start maximizing impact per appearance.

Ever feel guilty for your own success? 

That’s not an accident.

Someone took a shot at you recently.

A coworker saying "must be nice" when you mentioned your vacation.

A friend going "wow, you've changed" when you talked about something you're excited about.

And before you realized what happened, you were explaining yourself.

Justifying. Defending.

I used to do this constantly. Someone would throw a dig my way and I'd go into "let me prove I'm not the bad guy" mode.

It took me years to figure out what was happening.

They weren't attacking me. They were trying to pull me into their frame.

When someone goes low. When they get passive-aggressive or dismissive or condescending. They're setting a trap.

If you defend yourself, you're playing on their court. They're steering the interaction. And somehow you feel like the one who did something wrong.

The most influential people I've studied do something different.

Instead of defending or attacking back, they name what's happening.

"Sounds like my schedule is frustrating for you."
"Seems like this project landing bothered you."
"Feels like you're worried I'm pulling away."

Then they ask what the other person needs.

This short-circuits the emotional trap. You're not defending. You're leading.

After coaching over 10,000 clients on communication, I've watched this pattern play out hundreds of times.

Most people spend their lives bouncing between justifying and attacking back.

Both are low-value responses.

The third path is defining the moment instead of reacting to it.

Stop letting other people set the terms of your conversations.

Great advice is worthless if no one listens.

This one shift makes people actually care.

Someone mentions a problem.

You jump in with the solution.

Smart answer. Valuable insight.

And they completely ignore it.

My analytical clients do this most. They hear a problem and immediately offer the fix.

But here's what they miss:

People don't value advice they didn't work for.

I learned this watching how interrogators extract information. 

They never give answers first. They make you earn clarity through articulation.

Here's the psychology:

When someone works before receiving value, you trigger effort justification. Their brain decides: "I invested in this answer, so it must be worth hearing."

You just made your advice 10x more valuable without changing a word.

Over the last 17 years, I've taught this to executives who wondered why their teams ignored their guidance.

The problem wasn't the advice. It was the sequence.

Most people give solutions before establishing cost. Your brain devalues anything that comes free.

Understanding that changes how you mentor, coach, and lead.

The pattern I use:

Before offering advice, extract their constraint. Make them articulate what's not working. Let them reveal their gap.

Then deliver.

When you make someone work to frame their problem, three things happen:

They clarify their actual issue (not the surface symptom). They invest attention into the conversation. They value whatever comes next.

This applies everywhere. Client meetings. Team discussions. Networking conversations.

The advice that gets ignored? The advice that came too easy.

The advice that transforms people? The advice they had to work to receive.

Stop giving away your best insights for free.

Make people pay the attention tax first.

I used to think hard work was everything.

Being raised in a blue-collar single-dad family

My mantra was:

Work harder than anyone else.

That ethic led me to:

❌ Choosing to work instead of building relationships
❌ A dead-end of grinding it out daily
❌ Shrinking my worldview

Once I’ve started building relationships outside of grad school

My whole (social) life transformed. 

It’s been eye-opening for me. 

→ I didn’t have to fight as hard to get to where I wanted to go because I had the relationships to get me there. 

Building high-level relationships is a quick and easy way to unlock:

✔️ New levels in your life
✔️ New opportunities 
✔️ Trust 

You don’t have to struggle with all the friction.

Finish this year strong and step into the next level.

You light up when someone compliments your work.

That reaction costs you status.

Watch what happens: 

Someone says "Great presentation." 

You smile. 

"Thank you so much! I spent hours on the data analysis and refining the visuals..."

You told them you needed their approval.

I've noticed the opposite pattern in people with influence.

They do something I call validation immunity.

Same scenario. "Great presentation."

Response: "I appreciate that."

Neutral expression. 

No expansion.

Then they shift: "What questions do you have about the timeline?"

They moved forward because their internal assessment didn't change based on someone else's opinion.

Here's what's happening underneath:

When you expand on compliments, you signal their opinion determines your value.

When you receive neutrally and redirect, you signal you already know what you did. 

Their agreement is noted. Not needed.

The formula is simple.

Compliment received. 

"I appreciate that." Shift topic.

People with influence don't need your validation.

They validated themselves before you showed up.

The body language cue that reveals more than words ever will.

Most people think reading body language means watching for crossed arms or eye contact.

Wrong.

FBI counterintelligence expert Joe Navarro taught me the one signal that trumps everything else.

It's called the freeze response.

Here's what it looks like:

You're delivering feedback. Negotiating. Sharing news that matters.

The person across from you suddenly goes still.

Their hands stop moving mid-gesture.

Breathing pauses.

They lock up for 2-3 seconds.

That's their limbic system taking over. You just hit something real.

Most people miss this completely because they're focused on what to say next. They keep talking, filling space, moving past the moment.

Wrong move.

The freeze is your oldest threat response. Older than fight or flight. When someone freezes, their primitive brain just overrode their conscious control.

Whatever you said landed deep.

FBI research confirms the freeze appears before any other defensive behavior. Catch it early and you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface.

Here's the play:

Deliver your point.

Spot the freeze.

Stay silent.

Let them sit in it.

They'll fill the space and reveal what actually matters.

Most professionals are terrified of silence. They rush to smooth things over, clarify, soften the blow.

That's exactly when you need to shut up and wait.

The truth emerges in those 5-10 seconds of discomfort. Not through interrogation. Through strategic silence.

You don't need to be an FBI agent to spot the freeze.

You just need to stop talking long enough to see it.

Your career isn’t being held back by a lack of talent—it’s being held back by shallow connections.

And before you blame your network, ask yourself this: are you actually building one, or just stockpiling names?

Many professionals focus on network breadth (how many people they know) while completely neglecting network depth (the quality of those relationships).

But here's the real truth:

A sprawling network of surface-level connections rarely delivers meaningful opportunity.

What determines your network's power isn't its size but its interconnectedness and the mutual investment in each relationship.

I call this "relationship density" - and it's the hidden factor behind truly valuable networks.

High density networks feature:

• Trust-based relationships (not just transactional exchanges)
• Ongoing value creation (not just value extraction)
• Proactive connection (not just reactive outreach when you need something)
• Genuine knowledge of others' needs and goals
• Strategic relationship nurturing

Low density networks feature:

• Superficial connections with little trust
• Sporadic engagement only when beneficial to you
• Little understanding of others' true priorities
• No systematic approach to relationship maintenance

After studying thousands of professional relationships, the pattern is clear:

Those with smaller but denser networks consistently outperform those with larger but looser connections.

Quality defeats quantity every time.

The irony? Building relationship density takes less time than endlessly expanding a low-quality network.

It's not about doing more - it's about focusing your relational energy more strategically.

What's one relationship in your network that deserves more intentional investment this week?

Most networking conversations die the moment they end.

You exchange cards. Promise to “stay in touch.”

Then nothing.

After coaching over 10,000 clients, I’ve learned the real problem:

You never created anything worth following up on.

Here’s what I mean:

When someone says “I’m building AI capabilities, but finding engineers who understand business is impossible” — most people respond with sympathy.

“That’s tough.”

“Yeah, hiring is brutal.”

Wrong move.

What just happened? They revealed their goal AND their constraint in one sentence.

Goal: AI capabilities.

Constraint: talent gap.

Now instead of offering to “pick your brain sometime,” do this:

“I know someone who just left a similar role. Want me to make an introduction?”

Three things just happened:

→ You proved you were listening

→ You demonstrated relevant relationships

→ You created a concrete reason to follow up

This is genuine reciprocity. Not manipulation. Just specific help that matters.

Harvard Negotiation Project research confirms it: micro-help builds trust faster than grand promises.

When you prove value within 48 hours, the relationship shifts.

They text you back.

They think of you when opportunities surface.

They actually want to stay connected.

The formula:

1. Spot their goal
2. Spot their constraint
3. Offer one specific action within two days

Not “let me think about it.”

One introduction. One article. One suggestion they can use tomorrow.

Most people leave events with cards and no next steps.

You can leave with three people who remember exactly how you helped them.

That’s the difference between collecting contacts and building relationships.

You've been climbing the wrong pyramid your entire career.

Maslow's hierarchy promised that if you checked the boxes (basic needs, safety, belonging, esteem) you'd reach self-actualization and feel complete.

The National Institutes of Health calls this "one of the most pernicious ideas in the social sciences."

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans from Stanford explain exactly why on this week's podcast.

Listen to this.

You contain more aliveness than one lifetime permits you to live.

If there's more potential inside you than you could possibly express in 80 years, and fulfillment requires living all of it, then you're chasing something mathematically impossible.

You were designed to feel incomplete.

Bill and Dave call this the "achieving brain." The mode most people operate in 99.7% of the time. Always optimizing. Always asking what else do I need to do?

Meanwhile, you miss the meaning that's already here.

Bill stopped on his way to class last week. A bush covered in blue flowers, blooming in late fall when it shouldn't. He took a picture. Tucked a flower in his notebook.

That was a meaning-making moment. Not because it was profound. Because he noticed.

Dave calls this the difference between the "transactional world" and the "flow world." Same reality, different lens. One keeps you stuck performing. The other lets you experience your life.

The shift that changes everything: Got to versus get to.

Bill used to drag himself to staff meetings he created. "I gotta go to this meeting."

Then he flipped it: "I get to work with some of the smartest people in the world trying to make the planet better."

Same meeting. Different experience.

Where you look is where you go.

Motorcycle riders know this. Stare at the ditch and you drive right into it.

Same with your career, your relationships, your entire life.

Stop climbing the pyramid.

Start noticing what's already here.

This one habit instantly makes you more likable, more connected, and more effective at work.

Show genuine appreciation.

We don’t praise people enough because we often believe that people in our lives already know how we feel about them.

This creates what scientists call a liking gap.

We have a psychological bias to underestimate how good our compliments make others feel.

Most think our good vibes are clear without saying much. Not true!

In fact, science shows that people love receiving appreciation almost as much as receiving physical gifts.

It’s magical, really.

The simplest way to start is to express gratitude to the people around you.

Letting your peers know what you think about them not only creates connection but also boosts your own mental health and resilience.

Bet you didn’t think praising others could help you feel more chipper, right?

It creates social support and lowers the stress response which improves productivity and motivates us.

This is huge for careers and making friends.

Creating true connections is what matters. 

That way, your network is full of people who really support you.

Whether it’s at work or in day-to-day life, showing appreciation is the fertilizer for any relationship.

Let people know how important they are to you, and you may be surprised by their response.

Why do some leaders get loyalty while others get excuses?

It comes down to one thing: authority versus influence.

Authority comes from your position.
Influence comes from connection.

Authority can demand action.
Influence inspires commitment.

This difference explains why:

• Some managers get bare minimum effort, while others get discretionary energy
• Some parents get compliance while others get genuine cooperation
• Some salespeople get reluctant purchases while others get enthusiastic referrals

True influence isn’t about techniques or tactics. It’s built on a foundation of genuine connection.

And the counterintuitive key to that connection? Appropriate vulnerability.

Not oversharing. Not manufactured weakness.

But sharing your human experience authentically—enough to create bridges, not walls.

I’ve seen executives transform their leadership simply by explaining the thought process behind decisions instead of just announcing outcomes.

I’ve watched professionals strengthen client relationships by acknowledging the limits of their expertise rather than pretending to know everything.

The most influential people understand this: genuine vulnerability doesn’t diminish your impact—it amplifies it.

Because influence doesn’t come from appearing perfect.
It comes from being human in a way that allows others to connect with you authentically.

The question isn’t whether you have authority—it’s whether you’re creating the kind of connection that builds lasting influence.

What kind of connection are you creating today?

The fastest way to deepen any relationship is simpler than we make it.

Think of the friend you most enjoy being around.

Why do you enjoy their company?

There are many factors at play here, but typically, when we think about the people we are closest to and the ones we enjoy being around, there is a consistent theme.

It’s actually quite simple.

They actually care about 𝘺𝘰𝘶...

About what’s going on in 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 life...

About the things that get you excited…

The things that scare you…

Even the things that motivate you…

They may not be saints.

They may not check off certain boxes.

But at the end of the day, what matters is that they actually care about you.

That’s a big part of being a high-value person.

Do you care?

Do you give a little bit of your time, attention, empathy, etc. to the people who are giving it to you?

None of us want to be takers.

We all envy the people who give freely of themselves and in return, reap friendship, admiration, and loyalty.

And the good news is, it’s not out of reach.

You got this in you.

Start small.

Care big.

Watch the magic unfold.

You don’t lose people by making mistakes.

You lose them by pretending you don’t make any.

Chances are you work an analytical job.

We all do.

But there are no flowcharts to human connection.

When you spend most of your days trapped behind computers, following processes and procedures, you start to think the real world should behave that same way.

But that’s exactly how the real world 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 behave - and it shouldn’t!

Save the rules for the workplace because there are none when it comes to connecting with others.

Well, there’s one.

Be yourself.

For those of us who battle social anxiety, we trap ourselves in an “inauthentic self” for a number of reasons.

Fear of judgement, fear of connection, fear of commitment – you name the fear, we probably have some of it.

These fears keep the rope of connection tight.

You see, a connection is a release of tension.

That feeling of relief when you’re with another person, and maybe you’re both laughing or smiling at the same thing.

You’re both letting go of some of the rope.

But that’s the tricky part.

How you present yourself dictates how much rope the other person offers up.

That’s why being your authentic self is so important.

It’s the only route to an honest release.

That honest connection.

Being your authentic self means something as simple as: not planning anything.

Instead, living in the moment–listening, breathing, and behaving from a place deeper than “words” or “logic.”

Think about the last time someone messed up but owned it with grace.

You probably respected them more, right?

It's about honesty, vulnerability, and the magic of human connection. 

That’s where real value lies.

Ghostwriter & Messaging Strategist helping leaders achieve 70% opt-ins with a Microstory Journey using the 3-Minute Story Blueprint to build trust and convert hesitant prospects into eager customers.

Most businesses struggle to convert leads because they rely on forgettable downloads and meaningless discounts that fail to create an emotional connection. 

Prospects don't just need information, they need to feel valued, to trust you, and to experience genuine engagement. 

That's why I created the concept of the Microstory Journey, a 5-day emotional experience that uses the 3-Minute Story Blueprint to touch hearts, build authentic connections, and establish unshakable trust, turning hesitant prospects into eager customers ready to take action.

AWAI Verified Copywriter
Case Studies Certification
Sales Enablement Certification

WRITING SERVICES I PROVIDE:

📨 5-Day Education Email Courses
💲 Ghostwriting on Social Media Platforms
📰  Newsletters
🌐   Web Content
✍️   Blog Posting
📧   Email Marketing
🛒   Sales Pages
📱   Facebook/Google Ads 

WHOM I WORK WITH: I help executives, CEOs, founders, & coaches.

3 Simple Steps to Powerful Messaging
1. Define your goals and messaging. 
2. Develop a customized storytelling strategy. 
3. Execute and refine messaging for maximum impact.

HERE'S WHAT TO DO NEXT:
Email me at mike@mikehays.net OR
Book a call with me at https://calendly.com/ask-mikehays

Mike Hays

Most communication fails before the first word is spoken.

(And it has nothing to do with your message)

Everyone focuses on what to say.
But the real breakdown happens earlier:

↳ Wrong context makes everything irrelevant.
↳ Wrong timing destroys perfect words.
↳ Wrong audience kills brilliant ideas.

Here's where communication actually breaks down:

1. Preparation Phase

↳ You skip understanding their current state
↳ You assume they're ready to listen
↳ You ignore their emotional context

2. Attention Phase

↳ They're distracted before you start
↳ Their priorities don't align with yours
↳ You compete with 1,000 other messages

3. Reception Phase

↳ They filter through their existing beliefs
↳ Past experiences shape their interpretation
↳ Your intent gets lost in their translation

The Hidden Truth:
↳ Timing beats technique every single time
↳ Perfect words to the wrong person = Failure
↳ Average words to the right person = Success

Most people craft messages.
Masters craft moments.

They understand that communication succeeds when the audience is ready, willing, and able to receive it.

Quick Question:

What's the biggest communication mistake you've witnessed in business?

⤵️ Share your experience below
🔔 Follow Mike Hays for more communication insights

Mike  Hays

Messaging Strategist & Ghostwriter for Leaders - I help you turn short stories into trust, influence, and premium clients with my Microstory Journey using the 3-Minute Story Blueprint.

Want to Be the Most Interesting Person in the Room?
Stop Trying So Hard.

(The counterintuitive truth about charisma)

Everyone wants to captivate.
But here's what actually works:

↳ Curiosity beats performance every time.

Here's why being interested beats being interesting:

1. People Remember How You Made Them Feel

↳ Not what you said about yourself
↳ Not your accomplishments
↳ But how seen and heard they felt

2. Questions Create Connection

↳ "Tell me more" builds trust
↳ Genuine curiosity disarms people
↳ Listening creates loyalty

3. Your Ego Gets in the Way

↳ Talking about yourself = transactional
↳ Learning about others = relational
↳ Relationships drive opportunities

4. Interesting People Are Collectors

↳ They collect stories, not spotlights
↳ They gather insights, not applause
↳ They build depth through others

5. The Paradox Nobody Talks About

↳ The less you try to impress
↳ The more impressive you become
↳ Authenticity always wins

The Real Secret:
↳ Stop broadcasting. Start discovering.
↳ Stop performing. Start connecting.
↳ Stop talking. Start listening.

When you walk into a room focused on understanding 
rather than being understood, everything shifts.

You become magnetic not because of what you say, 
but because of how you make others feel valued.

Quick question:

Who's the most interesting person you've ever met  
and what made them that way?

⤵️ Share your story below
Follow Mike Hays for more insights on authentic connection

Most businesses think positioning is just marketing fluff.
(They're dead wrong)

It's the foundation of every buying decision.

But here's what they don't understand about positioning:
It's not about what you say.
It's about what your audience believes.

Facts you should know:
↳ 64% of consumers share values with brands they buy from
↳ Consistent positioning increases revenue by 23%
↳ Trust drives 88% of purchase decisions

Here's why positioning builds unshakeable loyalty:

1. Mental Real Estate

↳ You own a specific space in their mind
↳ Clear positioning eliminates confusion
↳ Customers know exactly what you deliver

2. Value Alignment

↳ Your beliefs match their worldview
↳ Creates emotional connection beyond price
↳ Transforms customers into advocates

3. Decision Shortcuts

↳ Strong positioning reduces choice paralysis
↳ Customers pick you without comparison shopping
↳ Premium pricing becomes justified

Where businesses go wrong:
Everyone has features.
Everyone has benefits.
But only positioned brands own customer minds.

Quick Question:

What position do you own in your customer's mind? Share below.

Follow Mike Hays for more communication tips

Show Up as Yourself 

Attracts Better Clients Than Any Polished Brand Voice.

If visibility feels like selling out, this is for you.
I used to hide behind my clients’ success instead of my own.

As a coach, I hated those polished, corporate-sounding posts.

Every draft I wrote sounded like a brand deck, not me.
So I stayed quiet and told myself silence meant integrity.

Meanwhile, louder voices defined what “leadership” looked like in my space.
Then a dream client said something that stopped me cold.
“I keep referring you, but your online presence doesn’t sound like you.”

They weren’t asking for a polished version.

They were begging for the real coach they met in sessions.

That day I made one rule for visibility.
I will show up as the room version, not the stage version.

↳ No perfect brand voice.
↳ Just the questions I actually ask clients, written in my voice.
↳ No glossy carousels.
↳ Just simple stories, real stakes, and clear invitations to reflect.

The result surprised me.

Views were smaller, but the right people started reaching out.
They quoted my messy lines, not the polished phrases.

Because leadership and coaching land when they feel human.

If you fear selling out, try this experiment for thirty days.

↳ Post as if you were recapping a session to a trusted friend.
↳ One story, one client moment, one honest insight each time.
↳ Hit publish before you smooth the interesting edges away.

Visibility is not selling out when your values hold the microphone.
What part of you are you still hiding from clients?

Follow Mike Hays for more visibility advice

The Day I Realized the Market Wasn’t My Enemy

It Was My Mind.

Most entrepreneurs struggle with the same invisible enemy:
(And it's not competition, market conditions, or lack of resources)

False beliefs about themselves.

I know because I fought these battles:
↳ Wasn't a natural communicator
↳ Struggled with confidence
↳ Came from nothing
↳ Felt "not enough"

Here's what changed everything:

1. Evidence Collection

↳ Document every small win
↳ Track progress, not perfection
↳ Your past proves your capability

2. Reframe Your Origin

↳ "From nothing" = resourceful problem-solver
↳ Scarcity taught you efficiency
↳ Your struggle is your competitive advantage

3. Confidence Through Repetition

↳ Confidence isn't innate, it's built
↳ Every post, every conversation adds up
↳ Action creates belief, not the reverse

4. Communication as a Skill

↳ Nobody is born a great communicator
↳ Clarity beats charisma every time
↳ Practice makes you powerful

The Truth:
Your false beliefs aren't facts.
They're outdated stories you keep telling yourself.

Quick Question:

Which false belief held you back the longest?

⤵️ Share below

Thank you, Holly Moe, for helping me rewrite the story I was telling myself.

I could visualize every game as an athlete.
But in business? I couldn’t see anything.

On the field, mental rehearsal was easy.
➤ I knew the plays.
➤ I knew the opponents.
➤ Everything was predictable.

Business wasn’t.

I couldn’t “see” my customers, my market, or my next move.
And it frustrated me.

Then it clicked:

Athletes visualize what they already know.
Entrepreneurs visualize what doesn’t exist yet.

So I changed my approach.

Instead of trying to see the whole future, I visualized one thing:

• One customer with one problem
• One conversation that creates clarity
• One outcome I can actually influence
• One referral from solving that problem

That’s when visualization started working again.

Because business visualization isn’t about perfection.
It’s about specificity.

Stop trying to imagine “success.”
Start imagining the next real scenario you’ll face.

Small picture → clear action → real results.

Follow Mike Hays for more leadership advice.

Authority isn’t about confidence.

It’s about language.

We often assume people follow the loudest voice in the room.
But in real conversations, especially at work
authority shows up in much quieter ways.

I started paying attention to the people who 
consistently guided discussions.

↳ They weren’t forceful.
↳ They weren’t dramatic.
↳ They simply used intentional phrasing that changed how others responded.

And once you notice it, you can’t unsee it.

Three simple shifts can instantly change 
how people perceive your authority even 
if nothing else about you changes.

1. Use words that imply direction.
Phrases like “I’d like to set the direction here…” 
or “I don’t like the direction this is heading…” 
subconsciously signal leadership.

The moment you reference direction, people look to you to guide it.

2. Frame ideas through experience.
Open with, “In the past, I’ve found…” 
or “In these situations, I prefer…”

These phrases add instant credibility
not because you’re boasting, but because 
you’re grounding your perspective in pattern recognition.

3. Set expectations clearly and calmly.
Statements like “Let’s focus on the issue at hand…” or 
“Here’s what I think we should prioritize…” 

Bring clarity to the conversation.
And clarity creates trust the foundation of authority.

None of this requires a title.
None of this requires dominance.
Authority is simply controlled direction, 
earned clarity, and consistent language.

Credit to Jefferson Fisher, whose ideas inspired this lesson.

If you want more authority, start with your words they shape the room long before your title does.

What phrase do you use to guide conversations?

Follow Mike Hays for more communication insights.

Storytelling isn’t a gift.

It’s a skill.

For years, I believed:

↳Some people are born with it.
↳Some aren’t.
↳Talent decides everything.

I thought charisma was the secret sauce.
And if you didn’t have it… tough luck.

Then one day, a coach told me something simple:

“You already tell great stories.
You just don’t notice them.”

That hit me.

I realized I was telling stories to my kids every night.
↳Small moments.
↳Tiny lessons.
↳Real emotion.

Those same stories worked flawlessly with clients.

The breakthrough wasn’t learning to be a storyteller.
It was recognizing that I was already one.

Most people think they need “better stories.”
They don’t.

↳They need to notice the stories they’re already living.
↳The awkward moments.
↳The small wins.
↳The passing conversations.
↳The doubts.
↳The tiny transformations that happen every day.

Consistent storytelling isn’t about creating bigger moments.
It’s about paying attention to the ones that already exist.

When you start seeing these moments, 
your storytelling muscle grows fast.

Repetition builds confidence.
Structure beats talent.
Authenticity beats perfection.

Your best stories are already happening.
All you have to do is notice them.

What’s one small moment from this week that taught you something?

Follow Mike Hays for more microstory advice.

AI Is Your Edge. Your Only Edge.

AI tools are the ultimate differentiator in today's market.

The old way:

→ Time-consuming content creation
→ Standard competitor monitoring
→ Manual research and analysis
→ Generic product positioning
→ Reactive customer service

The new way:

→ Instant content generation
→ Smart pricing optimization
→ Proactive problem solving
→ AI-powered market insights
→ Data-driven decision making
→ Customized solution delivery
→ Intelligent workflow automation
→ Strategic positioning refinement
→ Enhanced customer experience
→ Automated personalization at scale
→ Real-time competitive intelligence
→ Predictive customer behavior analysis

AI tools transform how you compete.

→ Using AI to understand and serve customers 
better creates unmatched value and loyalty.

Business leaders confirm:

AI differentiation isn't about having the technology.

It's about applying it strategically to solve real customer problems.

The tools identify patterns and opportunities humans miss.

This creates unique advantages competitors can't easily replicate.

It's not just automation, it's about delivering superior experiences.

Companies that integrate AI thoughtfully stand out and win.

Follow Mike Hays for more business growth tips.

If You're Responding to Passive Aggressive Comments…
You're Playing Their Game.

(Here's the smarter approach)

Everyone says, "defend yourself."
But strategic silence often wins.

Here's the framework:

1. Pause Before Reacting

↳ Take 24 hours minimum
↳ Emotional responses backfire
↳ Distance creates clarity

2. Assess the Intent

↳ Is it worth your energy?
↳ Will engagement help your brand?
↳ Sometimes ignoring wins

3. The High-Road Response

↳ Stay professional always
↳ Address the issue, not the tone
↳ Thank them for their perspective
↳ Redirect to productive dialogue

4. When to Ignore Completely

↳ Obvious trolling behavior
↳ No constructive point made
↳ Repeated negative patterns
↳ Protect your mental space

5. Turn It Into Value

↳ Use feedback to create content
↳ Show how you handle criticism
↳ Demonstrate your character
↳ Let your audience see your professionalism

The Key Insight:
↳ Your response defines your brand.
↳ Passive aggression seeks reaction.
↳ Strategic responses build respect.

Remember: Not every comment deserves your time.

Quick Question:

How do you handle negativity on your posts?

Follow Mike Hays for more social media strategies

Put Down the Emotional Backpack That Isn’t Yours.

It Took Me Years to Learn This

Most people carry guilt that isn't theirs to carry.
(And it's destroying their leadership)

You're not responsible for other people's emotions.

But here's what nobody tells you about boundaries:
They're not selfish.
They're strategic.

The Raw Truth:
↳ Clarity creates healthier relationships than caretaking
↳ Their emotional state isn't your assignment
↳ You can't control how someone reacts

Here's why this matters in leadership:

1. Emotional Ownership

↳ Each person owns their internal experience
↳ Your job is honesty, not emotional management
↳ Protecting feelings often prevents growth

2. Decision Paralysis

↳ Fear of upsetting others kills momentum
↳ You can't lead effectively while people-pleasing
↳ Strong boundaries enable stronger communication

3. Energy Allocation

↳ Managing others' emotions drains your capacity
↳ Your focus belongs on vision and execution
↳ Empathy without ownership is the balance

The Hidden Power:
You can be compassionate without being responsible.
You can care without carrying.
You can lead without managing everyone's comfort.

I spent years trying to control reactions.
It made me hesitant, unclear, and exhausted.

Now I deliver truth with kindness and let people process their own responses.

The leaders who scale aren't the ones 
who make everyone happy.

They're the ones who communicate clearly and 
trust others to handle their emotions.

Are you leading or caretaking?

🔔 Follow Mike Hays for more leadership strategies

Before: Brilliant but Invisible. 

After: Visible, Trusted, In-Demand.

The most talented professionals often remain invisible in their industries.

(And it's not because they lack expertise)

It's because of three limiting beliefs.

But here's what they don't realize about visibility:
It's not about ego.
It's about impact.

The Hidden Barriers:
↳ "My credentials should speak for themselves"
↳ "Good work will naturally be discovered"
↳ "Self-promotion feels arrogant"

Here's why these beliefs sabotage success:

1. The Service Reframe

↳ Sharing knowledge isn't bragging. It's helping
↳ Your expertise solves real problems for people
↳ Staying quiet deprives others of solutions

2. The Credential Trap

↳ Qualifications open doors, but stories close deals
↳ People connect with transformation, not titles
↳ Your experience matters more than your degrees

3. The Discovery Myth

↳ Exceptional work happens behind closed doors
↳ Visibility requires intentional communication
↳ Talent without promotion equals missed opportunities

The Part You Can’t Ignore:
Your expertise sitting in silence helps no one.
Your knowledge locked away serves no purpose.
But your voice sharing wisdom changes everything.

The experts who break through don't abandon humility, they channel it into service.

They understand that hiding their light isn't noble; it's selfish.

Quick Question:

What's one piece of expertise you've been keeping to yourself that could transform someone's business?

Follow Mike Hays for more leadership insights.

The Simple Clarity System I Guarded for Years

Now I’m Finally Sharing It

My career has been defined by high-stakes decisions and ticking clocks.

One thing kept me from burning out.

Clarity.

When the pressure hits, your brain 
wants options, not decisions.

More meetings, more messages, 
more browser tabs pretending to be progress.

Early in my career, I played that game.
I was always busy, rarely moving the needle.

Then higher roles raised the stakes even further.

Clients waited on my calls, revenue hinged on my calendar.

That pressure forced a hard truth on me.

Clarity isn't a nice-to-have.
Clarity is survival.

So I built a simple productivity system my career could trust.

Here is the system I use every single day:
→ Decide what you want.
→ Write it down where you will see it.
→ Each morning, choose the ONE task that moves you closest.
→ Block time and do that task before anything else.

No inbox.

No scrolling.

No “quick favors” that hijack your day.

This is how I rebuilt myself, again and again.

I have started companies, sold franchises, and pivoted careers.
Every reinvention began with one clear daily priority.

Most people confuse movement with progress.

Their calendars are full, their results are thin.

You win when your day serves your direction.

Tonight, will you pick tomorrow's one non-negotiable task?

Follow Mike Hays for more leadership advice.

taplio

The Battle

AJ Harbinger

Mike Hays

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance ScoreAJ Harbinger's LinkedIn Performance

Performance ScoreMike Hays's LinkedIn Performance

Ready to grow your LinkedIn presence?

taplio

The Battle

AJ Harbinger

Mike Hays

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}AJ Harbinger's LinkedIn Performance

Performance ScoreMike Hays's LinkedIn Performance

Ready to grow your LinkedIn presence?

Performance ScoreAJ Harbinger's LinkedIn Performance