Build your social capital and influence ◼ Over 10,000 clients served in 17 years ◼ Co-Host and Founder, Art of Charm

🔥 Command Presence. Real Influence. No Fluff.

Already invested in coaching or leadership programs… but still feel like something’s missing?

You’ve got the credentials. The hard skills. Maybe even the title.

But if your career growth is slowing because your communication hasn’t caught up — you’re not alone.

Most professionals hit a ceiling when soft skills become the differentiator.

And that’s where I step in.

❌ The truth about most coaching:

Leadership courses? Too generic.

Corporate training? Too political.

Communication books and TED Talks? Great in theory, useless in high-stakes rooms.

You need targeted, practical coaching built around your professional world — not some academic framework.

✅ What You’ll Get Working With Me

10 hours. One-on-one. Personalized. Intensely practical.

We’ll work together to:

Decode high-stakes conversations and make your communication hit harder.

Amplify your influence in rooms filled with executives, engineers, investors, or stakeholders.

Build your “X-Factor” — a powerful personal presence that earns trust fast.

Unleash your Social Intelligence — command the room, influence anyone, and forge relationships.

You’ll never watch a video or sit through fluff. This is tactical training designed for results.

💥 Plus: Join the X-Factor Accelerator

An exclusive, implementation-based group for high performers. Inside:

Get real-time feedback from other driven professionals.

Practice frameworks in live drills.

Build executive presence and influence with accountability.

👊 My Credibility
19+ years in influence, leadership, and communication development.

10,000+ clients across tech, finance, military, and consulting.

Coached U.S. Military Special Forces & Intelligence Units.

Host of a podcast with 450M+ downloads featuring world-class scientists and performance experts.

For the Analytic Mind Turned Leader.
For the Founder Now Fundraising.
For the Operator Who Needs Buy-In Fast.

If you’ve already tried “the other stuff” and still aren’t getting the results — let’s fix it.

DM me.

Let's turn communication into your competitive advantage.

AJ Harbinger

Most people think first impressions are about confidence.

They're dead wrong.

People form a judgment about you in 3 seconds.

Before you finish your sentence. Before your credentials matter.

And it's not what you think.

I've trained thousands of leaders on this.

The ones who command rooms don't walk in looking confident.

They walk in, making others feel seen.

Here's what they do:

1. They acknowledge people before they need something from them

2. They remember small details from past conversations

3. They make others feel heard, not impressed

The irony?

Trying to look confident makes you look nervous.

Making others feel important makes you look powerful.

First impressions aren't made by what you project.

They're made by how you make people feel.

What's your first impression strategy?

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A client lost a $2M deal because he was too confident.

He came to me frustrated. Perfect slides. Every answer rehearsed. 

Complete certainty in his solution.

The competitor who won? 

Spent the first 15 minutes just asking questions.

"I had the better product," he told me.

"I knew exactly what they needed."

That was the problem.

He knew what they needed.

He never asked what they wanted.

Influence isn't about having answers. It's about asking questions that make people feel understood.

I coached him for months after that loss. 

Same thing kept happening. 

Executives prepare their pitch. 

Leaders rehearse their points. 

Everyone focuses on projecting confidence.

Nobody prepares to be curious.

We changed one thing.

He started writing down 3 questions about each person before every conversation. 

Not questions that lead to his solution. 

Questions about their actual situation.

What are they really trying to solve?

What have they already tried?

What would success look like from their perspective?

He won the next 4 deals in a row. 

Same product. Same company. 

Different approach.

The most influential people I've coached aren't the most confident.

They're the most curious about other people's worlds.

What's your take on this?

Most people think being smart gets you promoted.

They're dead wrong.

I've coached 400+ executives. The ones who advance?

They're not the smartest in the room.

They're the most visible.

Here's the frustrating truth:

Your coworkers aren't too busy to help you.

They just don't see you as someone worth helping.

Your ideas aren't being stolen.

They're being credited to whoever speaks up first.

Your boss doesn't know your value.

Because you haven't made it visible.

Smart people assume quality speaks for itself.

It doesn't.

Visibility speaks.

The executives who get promoted do 3 things:

1. They speak in the first 5 minutes of every meeting

2. They share credit publicly (which makes people want to give them more)

3. They make their work visible before it's finished

Being smart is the entry fee.

Visibility is what gets you the seat at the table.

Which of these do you need to work on?

Some of the smartest people I know never get promoted—and it has nothing to do with skill.

I started working with a brilliant engineer, Daniel, who kept getting passed over for leadership roles.

He had the technical skills.
He worked insane hours.
Yet consistently watched less qualified people climb the ladder above him.

Sound familiar?

I've found the hidden factor that determines who rises and who stagnates has 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 to do with your technical abilities or work ethic.

It's emotional intelligence.

And here's the thing most "career experts" won't tell you: 𝐄𝐐 isn't some touchy-feely concept. It's a concrete skill set that can be methodically developed like any other.

I watched Daniel transform his career in just a few months after focusing on this 𝐎𝐍𝐄 area.

We worked on reading the emotional temperature in meetings, growing his influence on the team and across departments, and not letting stress get the best of his communication.

Three months later?

Promoted with a $34K raise.

Why does this work so powerfully?

Because careers aren't built on skills - they're built on 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒. And relationships are built on emotional intelligence.

The cold truth:
• Your technical brilliance means nothing if people don't want to work with you
• Your hard work goes unnoticed if you can't effectively communicate its value
• Your leadership potential remains invisible if you can't connect with others

Want to stop watching less qualified people get promoted above you?

Focus on these three 𝐄𝐐 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐬:
1. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 to read the emotional undercurrents in any room
2. 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩 the ability to influence without authority
3. 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 composure under pressure (this alone separates leaders from workers)

The professionals who master these elements don't just succeed - they create opportunities that others never even see.

The fastest way to grow your network isn’t asking—it’s giving.

And it's not just about being generous.

Giving is essential for building strong connections.

It transforms the way you interact with others,
so you can create meaningful relationships.

Studies show the impact of giving:

• It leads to stronger networks.
• It creates loyalty among contacts.
• It boosts your reputation.
• It opens up new opportunities.
• It's essential for building trust.

If you want to expand your network...

Be generous, don't hold back,
and practice giving.

Here's how:

1. Offer help without expecting anything in return.
Small favors can make a big difference.

2. Share your knowledge.
Provide valuable insights to those who need them.

3. Connect people.
Introduce contacts who can benefit from knowing each other.

4. Give your time.
Spend a few minutes assisting someone in need.

5. Follow up.
Show that you care about their progress.

Giving is doing, not just saying.

Network with it.

You'll see your connections grow stronger.

The loneliest people I coach are the most successful.

A private equity partner came to me after closing a $200M deal.

He had 10 direct reports, sat on three boards, and couldn't name a single person he trusted enough to be honest with.

Success had isolated him completely.

Here's what happened.

He spent 15 years optimizing for external validation. 

Promotions. Deals. Recognition. 

Every choice prioritized career advancement over connection.

The moment he hit his goal, he looked around and realized he had no one to celebrate with.

His friends from business school had families now. Different priorities. His team respected him but feared him. His partners were competitors wearing friendly masks.

This is what I see with executives who break through to senior leadership. The skills that got you there are the exact ones that keep you isolated.

Independence. Self-reliance. Working harder than everyone else.

You were rewarded for it. Now it's killing you.

The fix isn't another networking event or executive mastermind. Those add contacts, not connection.

The fix is propinquity. Showing up to the same place with the same people until familiarity builds trust.

One client joined a weekly trail running group. Zero professional angle. Just showed up every Saturday morning at 7am. Six months later, three of those runners became his closest advisors. One introduced him to his next business partner.

Another client started hosting monthly dinners at his home. Same eight people. No agenda. Just conversation. Within a year, that dinner table became his personal board of directors.

The pattern is simple.

Consistency over time creates the safety needed for real relationships. You can't force depth. You build it through repeated exposure in low-pressure environments.

After coaching thousands of executives on social capital, I can tell you this:

The professionals who break through isolation don't add more events to their calendar. They commit to fewer places with higher frequency.

Your third place matters more than your office or your home. Find it. Protect it. Show up.

The influence you're chasing doesn't come from accumulating contacts. It comes from people seeing you as familiar, trustworthy, and consistent over time.

That PE partner? 

He joined a BJJ class. 

Made zero professional connections. 

Gained three real friendships. 

Said it saved his mental health.

Your network isn't built in a weekend.

She walked into the board presentation with perfect posture.

Designer suit. Every answer rehearsed.

Bombed it completely.

The senior director came to me confused.

"I did everything right. I looked confident. I sounded confident. What happened?"

I asked her what the board members cared about most.

She couldn't tell me.

Executive presence isn't about how you show up.

It's about how you make others feel when you're there.

I've coached hundreds of executives over 18 years. The ones with real presence aren't the most polished.

They're the most present with other people.

That director was so focused on appearing confident, she forgot to make anyone feel heard.

We shifted everything.

Instead of rehearsing her answers, she researched each board member. What they cared about. What questions they'd likely ask. What mattered to them specifically.

She was surprised by how much that changed her preparation.

Next presentation, she didn't perform confidence. She demonstrated understanding.

The board stayed 20 minutes past the scheduled end time. They asked follow-up questions. They leaned in.

They invited her to strategy sessions she'd been trying to get into for 2 years.

When you walk into a room worried about your presence, people feel your anxiety.

When you walk in genuinely curious about their perspective, they feel seen.

That's executive presence. Not polish. Connection.

How do you show up in high-stakes moments?

The most important skill to develop in 2026 isn't AI fluency or data analysis.

It's validation.

And I don't mean fake compliments or empty praise.

Here's what I mean.

Your colleague shares a frustration about a project timeline. Most people immediately jump to solutions or worse, minimize the concern.

"That's not that bad."

"You should see what I'm dealing with."

"Have you tried just working harder?"

None of that is validation.

Validation means acknowledging another person's experience as real and legitimate. Not agreeing with it. Not solving it. Just recognizing it exists.

Watch what happens when you master this.

Someone shares a challenge. You respond: "That sounds genuinely difficult. Walk me through what happened."

That's it.

No advice. No comparison. No minimizing.

You just acknowledged their reality.

What's really important is this creates psychological safety. People feel seen. And when people feel seen, they trust you.

Trust opens doors that credentials never will.

I tested this with a client who kept getting passed over for leadership roles despite exceptional technical skills. His feedback was always the same: "Not ready for executive presence."

We focused entirely on validation in meetings.

Instead of immediately proposing solutions, he learned to say: "Help me understand the constraint you're working with."

Instead of defending his ideas when challenged, he'd respond: "That's a fair concern. What would make you more comfortable?"

Three months later, he got the promotion.

Nothing changed about his technical abilities. Everything changed about how people experienced talking to him.

Here's what validation does that most people miss.

It reveals information others won't share. 

When people feel validated, they tell you what they're actually thinking. Not what they think you want to hear.

It builds influence without authority. 

You don't need a title to make people want to work with you.

It creates opportunities. 

The most valuable connections come from people who feel genuinely understood by you.

Let's be honest. 

Most executives are terrible at this because they were rewarded their entire career for having the right answer fast.

But leadership isn't about having answers. 

It's about making people feel safe enough to share the real problem.

Stop trying to prove you're the smartest person in the room.

Start trying to make others feel heard.

Your opportunities will multiply.

People aren’t ignoring you because they’re busy.

They’re ignoring you because you lack influence.

If you're putting in effort — reaching out, inviting people, following up — and getting little back… It's not bad luck.

It's a low Influence Index problem.

I had a client last month. Senior software architect. Smart guy. He'd invite colleagues for drinks after work.

Radio silence.

He'd suggest team lunches.

"Maybe next time."

He'd organize weekend events.

Two people showed up. Out of 15 invited.

His first thought? 

"People are just busy."

Wrong diagnosis.

Here's what was really happening:

People didn't see value in connecting with him. 

Not because he wasn't valuable — he was brilliant. But because he hadn't built influence.

Influence is what makes people want to come to you.

Without it, effort gets wasted.

Think about it:

→ When certain people invite you, you clear your calendar

→ When others invite you, you find excuses

Same invitation. Different response.

The difference? Your Influence Index.

High influence people don't work harder at invitations. 

They work smarter at relationships.

They:

→ Add value before asking for time

→ Connect people to each other first

→ Build reputation through consistent actions

→ Make others feel important, not impressed

My client started applying this. Within two months, he was getting invited to events.

Same person. Same invitations. Different influence.

The invisible skill you're missing isn't more effort. 

It's the influence that makes effort work.

Build influence first. Invitations second.

A VP came to me with 2,000 LinkedIn connections.

Couldn't get a single person to take his call.

He thought he had a network.

He had a contact list.

Networking advice tells you to meet more people. Collect more cards. Grow your connections.

I coached him for a year while he did exactly that. Three events per week. Twenty new connections per event. Generic follow-ups to everyone.

Zero meaningful relationships.

He was frustrated and didn't realize why. "I'm doing everything right. I show up. I connect. I follow up."

You know what changed everything?

We cut his networking in half.

One event per week instead of three. Five real conversations instead of twenty surface-level ones.

And the follow-ups?

Instead of "Great to meet you" to everyone, he sent personalized messages referencing actual conversations he had.

What they discussed. What stood out. What he remembered.

Within 90 days, 3 of those 5 people became clients.

One introduced him to what became his biggest account.

He was relieved by how much simpler it became.

Most people chase breadth. Successful people go deep with the right people.

Quality over quantity sounds obvious until you realize you're collecting contacts instead of building relationships.

Depth beats breadth. Every single time.

What's working for you in networking?

Your network isn't the problem, it's who you're keeping around.

The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.

Invest in your peers and colleagues and watch your career flourish.

Develop high-value relationships and watch your dreams become reality.

Find the right partner and achieve more than you ever imagined.

Never settle for less in relationships.

When you index your relationships on…

❌ Proximity

❌ Length of time you have known each other

❌ Fear of being alone

❌ Or convenience

You sell yourself short.

Instead focus on forging relationships on…

🤝 Shared values

🤝 Emotional support

🤝 Big dreams

🤝 And quality time spent together.

Building relationships is the lifeblood of your success.

The longest study of human happiness, The Harvard Study of Adult Development, linked your well-being to deep relationships.

Build better relationships and watch your health, wealth and success follow.

Which raises the question…

How satisfied are you with your relationships?

You're in your head and everyone knows it.

A client told me he dreaded networking events.

Every conversation felt like work. He'd run out of things to say within minutes.

I asked what he was thinking during those conversations.

"What should I say next? Do I sound interesting? Should I tell that story about the client project or is that too much?"

He rattled off the entire internal monologue.

"Is this going well? They seem bored. Maybe I should ask about their job. But that's generic. What else can I..."

All internal.

Nothing about the other person.

Conversations feel forced when you're worried about your next line instead of noticing what's actually happening.

Great conversation isn't about what you say.

It's about what you notice.

Their energy shift. 

What topics make them lean in. 

Where they actually want to go deeper.

We practiced a simple shift.

Stop planning your next point. 

Focus entirely on them.

What made their eyes light up just now? 

What topic did they gloss over that might be more interesting if you asked about it?

Next event, he was surprised by the difference.

Conversations lasted 20 minutes instead of 5. 

People asked for his contact. 

They actually followed up.

Forced conversation happens when you're performing.

Natural conversation happens when you're participating.

The difference is where you put your attention.

What helps you stay present?

After years of leading change, I’ve learned this the hard way.

Data doesn’t drive buy-in. Stories do.

During a coaching session last week, she confessed to me the 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 reason her digital initiative suddenly took off after months of resistance:

"𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘢. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘕𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘹 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬."

Let me explain what happened...

After countless failed attempts to get buy-in on a major digital transformation project, one team member casually compared their journey to Netflix - you know, the company that started with those red envelopes in the mail?

The room fell silent.

Then something magical happened.

Suddenly, 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 could see the vision. 

The same executives who had bored in previous meetings were now enthusiastically on board.

All because of a 30-second story about Netflix's evolution from mail-order DVDs to streaming dominance.

Here's why this works like nothing else:

✅ 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞: Everyone knows Netflix. It's like explaining quantum physics through football. Instant clarity.

✅ 𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞: Complex ideas need simple vehicles. Netflix's journey from mail to mobile is the perfect metaphor for transformation.

✅ 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥: Stories bypass logical resistance. They stick because they make us FEEL something.

This isn't just nice-to-have fluff. It's the difference between brilliant ideas that die in PowerPoint hell and ones that get implemented.

Look around your organization - I guarantee the most influential leaders aren't just the smartest. 

They're the best storytellers.

The good news? 

Unlike technical skills that take years to master, you can deploy this technique in your very next meeting.

What transformation are 𝐘𝐎𝐔 trying to lead? 

What familiar story could make it click?

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AICI Certified Image Consultant

Elevate Your Professional Communication and Influence

Struggling to enhance your professional network and social capital? I understand the challenge of building genuine relationships that propel your career forward.

Here's the reality:

❌ Traditional networking tactics often fall flat.
❌ Generic leadership courses rarely deliver personalized results.
❌ Many coaches provide incomplete skillsets, leaving you with gaps in your professional development.

I offer a transformative solution: 10 hours of intensive, one-on-one coaching directly with me. 

No fluff, just straight talk and direct access to nearly two decades of expertise.

What sets my approach apart:

✅ We'll refine your social intelligence and amplify your influence – without tedious videos or unnecessary travel.
✅ Together, we'll craft your unique communication style to showcase your true value in any professional setting.
✅ I'll teach you to recognize and leverage subtle conversational cues, enhancing your ability to connect and persuade.

But that's not all:

Join my exclusive X-Factor Accelerator group for hands-on practice. Here, you'll:

👉 Receive real-world feedback on your communication skills.
👉 Engage in practical exercises with like-minded professionals.
👉 Participate in implementation sessions to hone both verbal and non-verbal communication.

My track record speaks volumes:

🔹 Nearly 20 years of experience in professional development.
🔹 Over 10,000 success stories from clients across various industries.
🔹 Collaborated with top researchers and experts in interpersonal relationships and leadership development.
🔹 Worked with Military Special Forces and Intelligence Agencies to enhance their communication strategies.
🔹 Our podcast boasts 400M+ downloads with cutting edge experts and scientists joining every week.

Whether you're aiming to:

🫡 Lead your team more effectively
👊 Nail that crucial presentation
🛜 Expand your professional network with ease
💼 Or simply become more influential in your field

I have the blueprint to transform you into a magnetic communicator and leader.

DM me today and become someone who is magnetic.

Want to get coached on the exact system that grew our podcast to over 400M listens and 17+ years of coaching 10,000+ professionals rapidly grow their social capital and build a high-value network?

Apply here to see if it's a good fit.

Apply to Work with Me

(These timeless laws helped me grow our podcast to over 400M downloads and 17+ years of coaching experience with over 10,000 happy clients )

[Free Training] 💰 Social Capital Networking Strategy. The 3 "Counterintuitive" Laws to Rapidly Growing Your Network Without Sleazy Tactics, Transactional Interactions or Being Inauthentic

Elite Human Dynamics Newsletter

David Goggins & The Art of Mastering Your Mindset - Art of Charm #730

Kobe Bryant This is how you be great - Art of Charm  Ep.#746

Become Dynamic

Most people think their network is too small.

They're wrong.

It's too shallow.

I watched a VP attend 50+ events last year. Hundreds of connections.

Zero meaningful relationships.

Then I worked with a partner at a top firm. Knows maybe 30 people well.

Never needs to job search. Opportunities find him.

The difference?

He goes deep. Most people go wide.

Here's what deep networking looks like:

1. You remember their problems, not just their job title

2. You solve something for them before asking for anything

3. You check in when you don't need something

Most professionals network like they're collecting LinkedIn connections.

High-influence people network like they're building a board of advisors.

Your network isn't your net worth.

Your depth is.

Who's one person you should go deeper with this week?

The harder you network, the less influential you look.

Coffee invites.
Cold messages.
Event small talk.

You’re doing all the right things — and still chasing momentum.

Here’s the hard truth: 

High-influence people don’t chase.

They generate pull.

And the difference isn’t luck.

It’s 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺.

Most professionals make the same mistake.

They try to create relationships through pure effort.

Cold outreach.

Aggressive networking.

Forced conversations.

This approach burns you out and repels the exact people you want to connect with.

Here's what I've learned after coaching thousands of clients:

The most connected people focus on becoming someone others want to know.

They build value first.

They solve problems consistently.

They show up as experts in their field.

This creates social gravity. 

People get pulled into their orbit naturally.

Think about the professionals you seek out.

Do you chase them?

No. 

You find reasons to connect with them.

That's the power of social momentum.

Stop chasing. Start building.

35 of 36 students in our last XFA cohort said the same thing.

"I didn't realize building rapport was this simple."

They weren't doing anything complicated. Just 4 things most people skip:

Match their energy, not yours. If someone's thoughtful and measured, don't bring high energy. If they're animated, don't stay subdued. People trust others who feel familiar.

Use their exact words back to them. They say "frustrated with the process," you reference "the process" later. This isn't manipulation. You're speaking their language instead of making them translate yours.

Ask the second question. Everyone asks "How was your weekend?" Almost nobody asks "What made it great?" The first question is politeness. The second shows you're actually listening.

Remember small details they share. Their daughter's soccer tournament. The project they're stressed about. People remember who remembers them.

Those students reported back within days that conversations felt completely different.

People opened up faster. Meetings went smoother. They got responses to follow-ups they'd been chasing for weeks.

One student was surprised by how quickly it worked. "I thought rapport took time to build."

It does if you're trying to be charming. It doesn't if you're paying attention to someone else's world instead of performing in your own.

Which of these do you already do naturally?

Ghostwriter & Messaging Strategist helping leaders achieve 70% opt-ins with a Microstory Journey using the 3-Minute Story Blueprint to build trust and convert hesitant prospects into eager customers.

Most businesses struggle to convert leads because they rely on forgettable downloads and meaningless discounts that fail to create an emotional connection. 

Prospects don't just need information, they need to feel valued, to trust you, and to experience genuine engagement. 

That's why I created the concept of the Microstory Journey, a 5-day emotional experience that uses the 3-Minute Story Blueprint to touch hearts, build authentic connections, and establish unshakable trust, turning hesitant prospects into eager customers ready to take action.

AWAI Verified Copywriter
Case Studies Certification
Sales Enablement Certification

WRITING SERVICES I PROVIDE:

📨 5-Day Education Email Courses
💲 Ghostwriting on Social Media Platforms
📰  Newsletters
🌐   Web Content
✍️   Blog Posting
📧   Email Marketing
🛒   Sales Pages
📱   Facebook/Google Ads 

WHOM I WORK WITH: I help executives, CEOs, founders, & coaches.

3 Simple Steps to Powerful Messaging
1. Define your goals and messaging. 
2. Develop a customized storytelling strategy. 
3. Execute and refine messaging for maximum impact.

HERE'S WHAT TO DO NEXT:
Email me at mike@mikehays.net OR
Book a call with me at https://calendly.com/ask-mikehays

Mike Hays

Stop Saying 'Should.' 

It's Killing Your Progress.

"I should prospect more." 
"I should post on LinkedIn." 
"I should work out."

Yet nothing changes. The list grows longer while your results stay flat.

Here's what actually happens when you 
replace "should" with different language:

Scenario 1: Your prospecting goal.

↳Old language:
"I should reach out to five prospects today."
Then guilt when you don't. Repeat tomorrow.

↳New language:
"I'm reaching out to five prospects today."
Or admit: "I'm choosing not to prioritize this right now."

↳Result: You either act or you own the choice. No guilt loop.

Scenario 2: Your content creation.

↳Old language:
"I should post three times this week."
Followed by excuses about time, perfectionism, fear.

↳New language:
"I must post three times this week to build my authority."
Or: 
"I'm not ready to commit to this yet."

↳Result: Clarity replaces confusion. Action replaces avoidance.

Scenario 3: Your personal commitments.

↳Old language:
"I should work out tomorrow morning."
Then snooze the alarm. Feel terrible. Repeat.

↳New language:
"I will work out tomorrow at 6 AM."
Or: "I'm prioritizing sleep over exercise right now."

↳Result: You honor your decision either way.

"Should" is the language of obligation without commitment.

It keeps you stuck in a cycle of intention without execution.

When you eliminate "should" from your vocabulary, 
you force yourself to either commit or let go.

Follow Mike Hays for more communication insights.

Mike  Hays

Messaging Strategist & Ghostwriter for Leaders - I help you turn short stories into trust, influence, and premium clients with my Microstory Journey using the 3-Minute Story Blueprint.

You know exactly what you need to do.
But you're still not doing it.

Here's why:

Your brain isn't lazy.
It's just running a calculation you don't see.

Every decision comes down to emotional math:
↳ Pain of taking action vs. pain of staying stuck
↳ Whichever feels heavier wins

I used to think I lacked discipline.

Turns out, I'd just linked massive pain to starting:
- Anxiety about failing publicly
- Worry about wasting time
- Fear of looking stupid

Meanwhile, staying stuck felt... safe.

Uncomfortable, sure. But familiar.

The shift happened when I realized:
Inaction has a cost too.

It's just quieter.
More gradual.
Easier to ignore.

So I started asking myself:

"What's the real pain I'm avoiding here?"

Usually, it wasn't the work itself.

It was the vulnerability. The visibility.

The possibility of being wrong.

Once I named it, the math changed.

Taking action became less scary than staying invisible.

Here's what I realized:
You're not avoiding action because you're broken.

You're avoiding it because right now, it feels riskier than standing still.

What pain have you been avoiding by not taking action?

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How To Get Complainers to Stop Complaining
Without Losing Your Mind.

You enabled the complaining the moment you 
started validating every grievance.

And now you're stuck in an endless loop of 
negativity instead of progress.

But here's what most people miss - 
stopping complainers isn't about dismissing their concerns.

It's about redirecting their energy strategically.

Here's what's really happening:
↳ Your empathy becomes their permission to continue
↳ Chronic complainers seek attention, not solutions
↳ They control the conversation through negativity

Here's how to break the pattern:

1. Acknowledge Once, Then Pivot

↳ Validate briefly, then shift to action
↳ Don't get trapped in the complaint cycle
↳ "I understand. What's one thing you can control here?"

2. Ask Solution-Focused Questions

↳ "What would make this situation better?"
↳ Move them from problem to possibility
↳ Force their brain to think differently

3. Set Boundaries Early

↳ Be clear about your role
↳ People respect confident limits
↳ Define what conversations you'll engage in

4. Model the Energy You Want

↳ Stay solution-oriented in your responses
↳ Your tone sets the standard
↳ Don't match their negativity

What Most People Are Overlooking:
Everyone can listen.
Everyone can sympathize.
But only leaders can transform complainers into problem-solvers.

Quick Question:

When was the last time you got stuck in someone's complaint spiral?

How did you handle it?

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They make it look so effortless.

That's what people say when they see polished work.

But here's what they don't see the invisible architecture behind it.

I used to think making work look easy meant hiding the effort.

The late nights.
The revisions.
The moments of doubt.

But the more I refined my process, the more one truth became obvious:

Work doesn't look easy because you hide the struggle.

It looks easy because you've done the hard work 
so many times that it becomes second nature.

And there are only two approaches to this:

The exhausting way
→ Reinventing the wheel every time
→ Burning out to meet deadlines
→ Starting from scratch repeatedly
→ No systems or frameworks
→ Relying purely on inspiration



The strategic way
→ Learning from past projects
→ Refining with each iteration
→ Making complexity invisible
→ Building repeatable processes
→ Creating templates and frameworks

One drains your energy.
The other multiplies your impact.

The best professionals aren't naturally gifted
they're systematically prepared.

They know that mastery isn't about working harder.

It's about working smarter until the complex becomes simple.

They've failed enough times to know what works.
They've refined their approach until it flows.

Not to show off.

But to deliver consistent excellence without the chaos.

Making work look easy isn't about pretending it's effortless.

It's about doing the behind-the-scenes work so well that others only see the result.

When you build the right systems, excellence becomes your baseline.

What's one process you've refined that now feels effortless?

Follow Mike Hays for more insights on strategic communication.

"Quick question" is never actually quick.

Feel That Stomach Drop?

I used to think it was just me.
Then, one day, I realized something:

"Those two words trigger an instant physical reaction."

I wondered why my stomach tightened every time I heard it.

It's always said like it's small. Casual. Friendly.
But the second you hear it, your body knows better.

Because "quick question" doesn't mean a question.

It made perfect sense to me.

It means a conversation.
With follow-ups. And feelings.

It's the verbal equivalent of: "We need to talk."

That pause you feel in your soul? You're not imagining it.

Here's what I learned about "quick question":
- Your stomach knows before your brain does
- Recognition beats explanation every time
- The tone is casual, the stakes are not
- It always leads somewhere bigger
- It's never one question

So here's my takeaway for anyone who's felt that tightness:

You're not overthinking it.
You're reading the room correctly.

Comment: "I've heard this one," and I'll share
the follow-up script that names what happens next.

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What's Controlling Your Life Right Now?
It's Not What You Think.

(And it's definitely not your circumstances)

Most people believe their life is shaped by what happens to them.
But here's the truth I've learned:

↳ Your decisions create your reality, not your conditions.

There are three decisions driving everything in your life right now:

1. What You Choose to Focus On

↳ Your focus determines your experience
↳ Not what's happening around you
↳ But where you direct your attention

2. Your Emotional State

↳ Your emotions shape your actions
↳ Your state creates your outcomes
↳ You can change how you feel in any moment

3. Your Blueprint

↳ The standards you've set for yourself
↳ What you believe you deserve
↳ These are your expectations

Here's What Most People Miss:

↳ They wait for conditions to improve
↳ They blame circumstances for their results
↳ They give their power away to external factors

The Real Shift Happens When:

↳ You rewrite your blueprint
↳ You realize you control your focus
↳ You take ownership of your emotional state

Your life doesn't transform when you get the promotion, 
find the relationship, or hit the income goal.

It transforms the moment you decide differently.

When you stop waiting for permission from your 
circumstances and start making different 
decisions, everything changes.

So here's my question for you:

Which of these three decisions do you need 
to take back control of today?

Follow Mike Hays  for more insights on intentional living

Fear Will Move You Forward 

But It Will Never Set You Free.

I've been thinking about what really drives most of us.

Here's what I've noticed:
Fear is the default setting.

Fear of failing. Fear of being judged. Fear of not measuring up.
It's exhausting, and it keeps you stuck in reaction mode.

Here's what I've learned:
• Both create movement, but only one creates freedom
• Fear pushes you away from what you don't want
• Vision pulls you toward what you do want
• Vision gives you energy; fear drains it

The shift happens when you stop running from 
something and start moving toward something.

When I switched from "I can't mess this up" to 
"I'm building something meaningful." 
Everything changed.

The work felt different. The decisions became clearer.

The pressure turned into possibility.

Fear will always be there, that's normal.
But it doesn't have to be in the driver's seat.

So ask yourself

What would you create if fear weren't calling the shots?

What vision would pull you forward if you let it?

Drop a comment or send me a DM
 I'd love to hear what drives you.

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Ever replay one harsh comment all day?

I do.

Someone once told me my work "lacked depth."
Not in a meeting. Not with context.
Just a quick message, then silence.

I couldn't shake it.

I replayed it during lunch.
During my next call.
Even while brushing my teeth that night.

The comment wasn't even detailed.
But my brain filled in the gaps with worst-case scenarios.

Here's what I learned:

Our minds magnify criticism.
→ One negative comment outweighs ten compliments
→ We loop it, dissect it, personalize it
→ It becomes louder than reality

But here's the shift:

That comment forced me to ask better questions.
Not "Am I good enough?"
But "What specifically can I improve?"

I reached out. Got clarity. Made changes.
The work got stronger.

Harsh comments sting because they touch something real.
The goal isn't to ignore them.
It's to separate the noise from the signal, fast.

Because replaying it won't help.
But responding to it will.

What's one comment that pushed you to level up?

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You're watching the wrong thing during presentations.

The Signal That Tells You 10× More

That's what I realized after years of watching presentations.

But here's what most presenters miss:

The slides don't tell you if your message is landing.

The faces do.

People think I'm weird for watching faces instead of slides.

I used to obsess over perfecting every bullet point.
Tweaking fonts.
Rehearsing transitions.
Making sure the data looked flawless.

But the more presentations I attended, the clearer one truth became:

Your audience's reaction matters more than your content.

And there are only two ways to present:

The oblivious way
→ Never checking for understanding
→ Finishing on schedule regardless
→ Reading bullet points verbatim
→ Ignoring confused expressions
→ Staring at your own slides

The adaptive way
→ Reading the room constantly
→ Noticing when energy drops
→ Responding to nonverbal feedback
→ Pausing when faces show confusion
→ Adjusting pace based on engagement

One delivers information.
The other creates connection.

The best presenters aren't just speakers, they're observers.

They know a furrowed brow means "slow down."
They see glazed eyes and shift tactics immediately.

Not because they're mind readers.

But because they prioritize resonance over rehearsal.

Watching faces isn't weird.

It's the difference between presenting at people and communicating with them.

Your slides support your message, but faces reveal if it's working.

What do you pay attention to during presentations?

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Marketing isn't about volume.

It's about clarity.

We often assume more content equals more attention.
But in real business, especially when competing for seconds
positioning shows up in much quieter ways.

I started paying attention to the brands that 
consistently cut through the noise.

↳ They simply knew exactly why they mattered.
↳ They weren't everywhere.
↳ They weren't louder.

And once you notice it, you can't unsee it.

Most entrepreneurs skip the critical step:
Defining what makes them irreplaceable.

They plunge into content, ads, and campaigns
but struggle to explain their unique value in a single sentence.

The assumptions?

↳ "Our product speaks for itself."
↳ "We'll figure it out as we grow."
↳ "People will understand what makes us special."

But without clarity, your message gets lost
and your budget gets burned.

Three truths about positioning in the attention economy:

1. If you can't explain your edge clearly, 
don't expect your audience to figure it out.

2. You're not competing for market share.
You're competing for milliseconds of attention.

3. Vague positioning doesn't win that battle.

Here's what sets standout brands apart:

↳ They lead with relevance.
↳ They craft messaging that cuts through noise.
↳ They anchor every campaign in a crystal-clear answer to: 
"Why should I care?"

Compare that to those stuck in generic slogans, 
feature lists, and "we're better" claims.

One approach resonates.
The other fades.

Before your next campaign, pause and ask:

What makes us the only choice for the right people?

Can you explain your unique value in 10 words or less?

Follow Mike Hays Mike Hays for more messaging insights.

How Saying Less Helped Me Hear More.

I've been guilty of this for years.

Nodding along while mentally rehearsing my response.

In meetings, I'd:
➤ Plan my counterpoint
➤ Wait for the pause
➤ Polish my story

I wasn't listening.
I was loading.

Then I realized something:

The people I trusted most never did this.
They asked follow-up questions I didn't expect.

So I changed my approach.

Instead of preparing what to say next, I started tracking:

• Where their energy shifted
• What they didn't say directly
• What they emphasized twice
• Questions that would go deeper

That's when conversations became different.

Because real listening isn't about silence.
It's about curiosity.

Stop rehearsing your brilliance.
Start discovering theirs.

The best responses come from what you actually heard, 
not what you planned to say.

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51,500 AI layoffs hit Dow, UPS, Amazon, Pinterest.

There’s one skill AI still can’t replace.

 Because the market isn’t hinting anymore, it’s shouting:

Dow: ~4,500 jobs cut (about 13% of the company). 
UPS: up to 30,000 roles on the chopping block. 
Amazon: about 16,000 corporate jobs eliminated. 
Pinterest: about 15% of staff cut as restructuring accelerates. 

This isn’t random. It’s directional.

And the question nobody wants to say out loud 
is the one that hits at 2am:

“If my job is a set of tasks… am I at risk?”

Then the dividing line becomes obvious:

The one skill AI can’t replace is the ability to 
communicate in a way that changes behavior.

Not “being articulate.”
But creating clarity, trust, and alignment,
especially when stakes are high.

 AI replaces output.
 It doesn’t replace leadership.

And communication is what leadership looks like in plain clothes.

If you want to be future-proof, stop asking, 
“What tool should I learn next?”

Start asking, “Can I move people with clarity, empathy, and precision?”

What’s your plan to sharpen that this month?

Follow Mike Hays for more communication skills training.

Messaging Strategist & Ghostwriter for Leaders - I help you create instant credibility that gets replies, calls, and conversions with my Microstory Journey using the 3-Minute Story Blueprint.

Introducing the Fishbowl Practice

The First Method That Neutralizes Criticism Anxiety

(The drill that builds emotional armor)

I help smart people stop talking like robots.
But here's what nobody tells you:

↳ The fear of criticism keeps you sterile.

My Fishbowl Practice changes that:

1. Write Your Worst Nightmares Down

↳ Every harsh comment you fear
↳ Every cruel judgment possible
↳ Drop them in a fishbowl

2. Pull One Daily

↳ Record your response on camera
↳ Just you and the discomfort
↳ No script, no safety net

3. Watch Your Transformation

↳ Week one: You'll stumble
↳ Week two: You'll find your voice
↳ Week three: You'll own your message

4. Build Resilience Through Repetition

↳ Criticism loses its power
↳ Your authentic voice emerges
↳ Confidence replaces performance anxiety

5. Turn It Into Content

↳ Your growth becomes your story
↳ Your vulnerability becomes your authority
↳ Your responses become YouTube Shorts

The Real Win:
When you can handle the fishbowl, real comments feel easy.

I'm starting this series next week.
Each episode: one comment, one raw response, zero editing.

Quick question:

What's the harshest comment you're afraid to receive?

⤵️ Drop it below
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"I wasn't ready for that."

We say it all the time.

But what does it really mean?

Most people think it's about surprise.
About being caught off guard.

But I've learned something different after years of working with leaders and founders.

"I wasn't ready for that" actually means three things:

↳ First: I didn't prepare mentally.
We knew it could happen, but we didn't visualize it. We didn't rehearse our response.

↳ Second: I underestimated the emotional weight.
Logic told us one thing. Reality hit differently. The gap between knowing and feeling is massive.

↳ Third: I didn't build the support system.
We tried to go it alone. No mentors. No peers who'd been there. No framework to lean on when it mattered.

Here's what I've noticed:

The leaders who say "I wasn't ready" the least aren't the ones who predict everything.

They're the ones who prepare differently.

They don't just plan for outcomes.
They prepare their mindset.
They build their network before they need it.
They create frameworks that work under pressure.

Being ready isn't about knowing what's coming.

It's about building the capacity to handle what you can't predict.

The next time you catch yourself saying "I wasn't ready for that," ask a better question:



🔔 Follow Mike Hays for more strategies on leadership and growth

Have You Ever Won the Argument

But Lost Every Relationship in the Process?

Being right doesn't matter if nobody wants to work with you afterward.

Yet most of us prioritize correctness over connection every single time.

Here's what I've learned about the cost of being technically right:

Scenario 1:

You catch an error in someone's presentation.

↳Old approach:
Point it out immediately in front of everyone.
Make sure they know you spotted it first.

↳New approach:
Pause. Consider the setting.
Pull them aside later with a quiet heads-up.

↳Result: They fix the error and remember your respect.

Scenario 2: A team member suggests a flawed strategy.

↳Old approach:
Shut it down with data and logic.
Prove why it won't work, point by point.

↳New approach:
Ask questions that guide them to see the gaps themselves.
Let discovery replace demolition.

↳Result: They learn. They don't resent you for it.

Scenario 3: Someone challenges your expertise publicly.

↳Old approach:
Defend your credentials with force.
Make them feel small for questioning you.

↳New approach:
Acknowledge their perspective.
Share your reasoning without needing to dominate.

↳Result: The room sees your confidence and their dignity intact.

Being right with the wrong tone doesn't build influence.

It builds walls.

When you choose connection over correction, people actually hear you.

So here's what I'm asking myself now:
What's more valuable, winning the point or keeping the relationship?

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I used to think "watch me fail first" was about humility.
But it's actually about permission.

Most people wait for proof before they start.
➤ They need someone else to go first.
➤ They need validation.
➤ They need certainty.

I realized something different:

"Watch me fail first" means I'm willing to be the example.

Not because I want to fail.
Because I'm willing to learn in public.

Here's what that actually looks like:

• Testing ideas before they're perfect
• Sharing lessons while I'm still learning
• Making mistakes visible so others can skip them
• Building credibility through transparency, not perfection

The leaders I respect most aren't the ones who never stumble.

They're the ones who stumble forward and document the path.

Because when you say "watch me fail first," you're really saying:
"I'll take the risk so you don't have to guess."

That's not humility.
That's leadership.

Stop waiting for permission to be imperfect.
Start creating the path others are afraid to walk.

Your willingness to go first is your competitive advantage.

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I blamed my audience for three years.
(they weren't the problem)

The silent killer in every conversation:

Clarity isn't what you say, it's what they understand.

My Wake-Up Call:

→ Perfect presentations
→ Detailed explanations
→ Logical frameworks
→ Zero conversions

I kept thinking:
"Why don't they get it?"

The Real Issue:
↳ I prioritized being right over being clear
↳ I explained features, not transformations
↳ I spoke my language, not theirs

Then I shifted everything:

New Approach:
↳ Watch their faces, not my slides
↳ Test every message with real people
↳ Ask "what did you hear?" not "did you understand?"

The Results:
↳ Clients repeating my message back perfectly
↳ Referrals using my exact words
↳ 3x higher engagement rates

The Truth:
If they didn't get it, your message failed - not them.

Quick Question:

When was the last time you tested your message before blaming your audience?

Struggling to capture attention in conversations?

Start with vulnerability.

I used to think I needed perfect stories to connect with people.
Then, one day, I realized something:

My mistakes were more interesting than my wins.

I wondered why some conversations felt flat while 
others sparked instant connection.

The difference wasn't polish or perfection,
it was honest, human moments that people could relate to.

It made perfect sense to me.

So, I started opening conversations differently.

Weeks went by.
And engagement transformed with every vulnerable opener.

Networking events? Deeper connections.
Client calls? Trust built faster than ever.

And because I led with authenticity,

I stopped trying to impress everyone
and started building real relationships that mattered.

Here's what I learned about conversation starters:
- "I regret this…" invites empathy immediately
- "Don't do what I did" positions you as a guide
- "This is embarrassing" breaks down walls instantly
- Vulnerability creates permission for others to open up
- People remember how you made them feel, not how perfect you sounded

So here's my takeaway for leaders and communicators:

Lead with your humanity
or keep having forgettable surface-level conversations.

Comment: "I lead with vulnerability," and I'll share my conversation framework for building instant trust.

I lost three "best friends" before I spotted the pattern.
(Now I see the red flags instantly)

The brutal reality about fake friendships:

They drain you slowly until there's nothing left.

Here are the 5 toxic behaviors I finally recognized:

1. The Scorekeeper

↳ Tracks every favor obsessively
↳ Reminds you what they've done
↳ Never celebrates your wins

2. The Ghost

↳ Vanishes when you need support
↳ Reappears when they want something
↳ Always "too busy" for your problems

3. The Competitor

↳ Turns everything into a contest
↳ Minimizes your achievements
↳ Can't handle your success

4. The Energy Vampire

↳ Every conversation drains you
↳ Only talks about their drama
↳ Never asks how you're doing

5. The Gossip

↳ Shares your secrets casually
↳ Talks behind everyone's back
↳ Creates unnecessary drama

Real friends show up consistently, celebrate 
genuinely, and protect your trust.

Quick Question:

Which toxic behavior have you experienced most?

Share your story below
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I shot 39 videos to get ONE right.

Was it worth it? Here's what I discovered.

Most creators say, "just hit record and post."
But after my marathon reshoot session, I learned:

↳ Perfectionism vs. progress is real.
Here's what I found on both sides:

The Pros:

Clarity improved dramatically
↳ By video 20, I knew exactly what to say
↳ Each take refined my message
↳ Confidence grew with repetition

Delivery became natural
↳ Eye contact felt genuine
↳ No more reading scripts robotically
↳ Energy levels peaked at the right moments

The Cons:

Time investment was massive
↳ Editing through 39 takes? No way, didn't do it!
↳ 3 hours for one 60-second video
↳ Diminishing returns after take 25

Overthinking killed spontaneity
↳ Started sounding too rehearsed
↳ Lost the raw, authentic moments
↳ Perfectionism became procrastination

The Key Insight:
↳ Beyond that? You're polishing, not improving.
↳ There's a sweet spot around 5-7 takes.
↳ Done beats perfect every single time.

My new rule:

Three takes maximum, then ship it.

What's your video recording process? One take or multiple?

Drop your number below
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The Battle

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Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}AJ Harbinger's LinkedIn Performance

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